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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25448491">Aerial Silks, and Other Ways To Fall in Love</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/jjjjuicy/pseuds/jjjjuicy'>jjjjuicy</a>, <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account'>orphan_account</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Homestuck</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Circus, Alternate Universe - Human/Troll Society (Homestuck), Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Circus, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, F/F, F/M, Falling In Love, He/him pronouns for Roxy Lalonde, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nonbinary Character, Nonbinary Roxy Lalonde, Past Abuse, RIP, SO, Slow Burn, but the character he is replacing has. dialogue, except the trolls hate all humans, it was important stuff, the mayor has dialogue, which i know is weird</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 08:41:31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>52,763</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25448491</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/jjjjuicy/pseuds/jjjjuicy, https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>He elbowed Sollux, not taking his eyes off of the amazing performer. </p><p>“He’s kinda hot, right? I mean, not usually my type, but, damn, can he move his body.” Karkat whispered at him, blindly shoving popcorn in his mouth. He felt him shift to look at Karkat, so he tore his eyes away and looked. </p><p>Sollux blinks at him like he’s an idiot. “That’th a human, dumbath. What’th wrong with you?”</p><p>OR</p><p>The 1950’s circus au where Karkat’s part of a gang that hates Dave and his circus-freak friends, even though he most certainly does not.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas, Jake English/Dirk Strider, Jane Crocker/Roxy Lalonde, John Egbert/Terezi Pyrope, Kanaya Maryam/Terezi Pyrope, Rose Lalonde/Kanaya Maryam, Sollux Captor/Karkat Vantas</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>73</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Let go.” Dave says, staring at the thick hand wrapped around his shaking arm; he slowly brings his eyes up to the man holding on him with a grip tight enough to leave bruises, doing his best to burn his hatred into his skin with his shaded eyes. The man doesn’t falter, instead staring back with false worry that makes Dave’s stomach churn.</p><p> </p><p>“You know I can’t do that, Dave. You know that.” He answers. The words tumble out of his mouth in a way that had confused Dave with their number. The too-many words continue, but Dave pays no mind. A burning in his stomach and the taste of blood on his tongue keep him moving as he tugs his arm again.</p><p> </p><p>“Let me go, Bro.”</p><p> </p><p>He just looks down at Dave as though he’d said nothing.</p><p> </p><p>“I said, let go!” Dave raises his voice, and with a final pull, he swings his free arm around to hit him across the head. He watches his brother’s face crumple in shock. Nevertheless, his fingers unravel and Dave stumbles back to the door, not wanting to take his eyes off of him in case he decides to pounce. “I’m sorry,” He says, unaware of when he decided to apologize. Despite his trembling, he finds his way to the door, to the doorknob, behind his back. “I’m sorry, dude.” </p><p> </p><p>“Bro…” He says slowly, voice light and airy despite the anger flickering in his eyes. He looks at him like he’s prey, like he’s something to conquer, to control. He’s lived too long thinking that’s all he was, but he knows it’s not true- and now he’s eighteen. Now he can’t keep him here.</p><p> </p><p>He opens the door. Before Dave could get outside, soft curses could be heard behind him. “You’ll fucking die out there.” Dave turned around, doing his best to stack his shoulders and straighten his spine rather than cowering.</p><p> </p><p>“Stop.” His hand rests on the doorknob, wrist ready to spring into action.</p><p> </p><p>“I hope you don’t. I hope you live the rest of your life on the streets, wishing I was there to protect you like I always have.” His words started slow, but progressively got louder and faster, becoming a yell. Dave flinches. </p><p> </p><p>“Get back inside. Now.”</p><p> </p><p>“No.”</p><p> </p><p>“Dave.” His little game didn’t work, and now Bro had a look of anger on his face. It was a look Dave had seen many times, but never like this. He stands his ground, shaking his head. “David. Inside. <em> Now </em>.” He continued the motion mindlessly as he stepped towards him. </p><p> </p><p>“Dave—”</p><p> </p><p>“No! Stop!”</p><p> </p><p>Bro stopped. His eyes bore into Dave’s. “Excuse me?” He started to shake again.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m eighteen. You can’t do anything.” Dave explains, his throat bobbing as he holds back the sting behind his eyes. “If you try to grab me, it’s assault, and I’ll phone the police. Don’t <em> fucking </em>test me, Bro.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’ll come back , Dave. You’ll see. You’ll come back.”</p><p> </p><p>The first thing that gets to Dave is the cold spring air of March snaking around his legs and bare arms. A chill is sent down his spine, and Dave wishes he had had the sense to grab a jacket before making sure he could never show his face at home again. He imagines himself knocking on the door of his old home, grabbing a jacket and leaving again, and then the thought sends a laugh from his lips; the noise pulled out of him so suddenly that it startles him, causing him stop in the middle of the street just to ogle at the absurdity of his situation. He’s standing in the middle of nowhere, a few miles from home, with nowhere to go and nobody to find.</p><p> </p><p>He wasn’t smart enough to grab a coat, but he did manage to grab his savings before leaving, resulting in just over twenty dollars to sit in his pocket. The only thing he’d allow himself to use the money for is for food and a bus ticket. That’s how Dave ended up here, staring at a dirty bus station seat, with the daunting thought of <em> if no bus comes soon, this where im going to sleep tonight. </em></p><p> </p><p>He sits down. The cool metal retained a chill from the weather that Dave can feel through his pants, and on his sleeveless arms once he lays. He sighs and closes his eyes, his back unsupported with the promise of a soreness in the morning and a million kinds of germs crawling on his skin. Dave doesn’t move until he hears a bus some time later. He doesn’t have a watch, but it felt like a long time.</p><p> </p><p>The bus is dirty when he boards it, as expected, and he pays the ten cent fare before taking his seat to wherever the bus is going to take him, until he gets thrown off or makes it across the world.</p><p> </p><p>The seats are black, uncomfortable, and ripped up, so Dave could stick his finger into the foam of the seat if he wanted. However, he doesn’t want to stick his finger anywhere on this bus. It rolls on. A few people board, but none of them strike Dave’s interest until a tall girl that couldn’t be much older than him takes a seat on the aisle across from Dave with a red suitcase and a non threatening gait. When she sits, it’s breezy and soft, rather than a tired plop. Her posture makes Dave seem like a question mark compared to her, so he straightens his spine and wonders where the girl is going, what her name is- she’s probably not a runaway. She probably has a job and a matesprit and a lusus who loves her.</p><p> </p><p>Dave has none of that. Dave also doesn’t have a single fucking clue of what he’s going to do next, and that terrifies him. Dave doesn’t have a future.</p><p> </p><p>Dave has nothing, until the bus hits a pothole. Though he doesn’t know it at the time, he owes the pothole his future. The troll’s red suitcase wobbles and falls over into the isle- Dave immediately leans over and grabs it at the same time the boy does, but gets to it first and holds it out to him.</p><p> </p><p>“Here you go.” Dave says.</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you.” The other girl takes the suitcase, her eyes trailing to Dave’s hand. “Are you a gymnast?” Dave thinks there’s something soothing about her voice, like aged honey.</p><p> </p><p>“What?”</p><p> </p><p>“Your hand. There’s calluses- are you a gymnast?”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh. Yes.” Dave answers, because it’s true. If he had to pick a label that wouldn’t arouse suspicion to his flexibility and instincts, that’s what he would say. It was as true as it could be. He caught on quickly and as his skill grew through the years, his palms had developed lines of hardened skin across them, too. </p><p> </p><p>Dave expected the conversation to end there.</p><p> </p><p>“So, you’re flexible?”</p><p> </p><p>“I- excuse me?”</p><p> </p><p>“Can you hear?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes!” Dave stares at the troll with wide, hidden eyes and swallows. “Yes, I’m- <em> flexible.” </em></p><p> </p><p>“How flexible?”</p><p> </p><p>“I think-”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m starting a circus, and the only requirements are that you’re willing to join and even more willing to work your ass off.” She explains, eloquently and quickly.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> theres worse ideas </em>
</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know any circus tricks.”</p><p> </p><p>“Then I hope you’re a fast learner. What’s your name? I’m Kanaya.”</p><p> </p><p>_____</p><p>Dave charges into his dressing room, shuffling through item after item in the mess that is the backstage of a circus. He pushes through costumes and hula hoops and a cheap diablo he bought for practicing that he already lost the string to, frantically searching. When he comes up empty handed, he leaves his room and barges into the one over, walking in on a dirty blonde bow with floppy hair and in shorts that are tight enough to stop circulation.</p><p> </p><p>“Dave! What the fuck?” Rose says, frowning. Neither of them pay much mind to Rose’s slightly exposed body, as Dave’s seen it plenty before- it’s her standard outfit for performance, not for anything dirty.</p><p> </p><p>“I need to borrow some wrap.”</p><p> </p><p>“Use your own,”</p><p> </p><p>“I can’t find it!”<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>“Then fucking… <em> die.” </em></p><p> </p><p>“You have extra wrap, Rose.”</p><p> </p><p>Rose juts her head to the side at the direction of the pale colored hand wrap for Dave’s blistering skin- the constant practice on trapeze and lyra eats at the skin on his hand until they’re bleeding or covered in calluses or sometimes both. Rose’s room is much different than Dave’s- impeccably organized, while Dave’s is currently a mess.</p><p> </p><p>Dave will have to clean his room soon. For now, though, Rose’s wrap will do. “Thanks.” He says, picking it up and unraveling the roll the proper length before starting to bring it around his wrist and hand and securing it. He tears it at the end when he’s done, flexes his hand a few times, and then smiles.</p><p> </p><p>“One hour!” A voice calls from outside the dressing room, clear and crisp and distinctly Kanaya. Seconds later, her head pops in. “Where’s D- oh. I had Terezi let down the silks early so you can get in a few practice climbs, Dave. Rose, you’re on lyra today.”</p><p> </p><p>“I know.”</p><p> </p><p>“Stretch, okay? Your hips were too tight in rehearsal yesterday and you almost fell from that muscle spasm.”</p><p> </p><p>“I didn’t know you saw that. I was fine, by the way. I’ll stretch.”</p><p> </p><p>“Okay. I don’t want to see you get hurt.” Kanaya says. Then she looks to Dave. “You stretch, too. Don’t be dumb.”</p><p> </p><p>“What would I do without my glorious ringleader to tell me such sage advice, such as stretch?” Dave deadpans, and then flips Kanaya off. Kanaya returns the gesture before slipping out with a laugh and going to do whatever she does before a show. There’s the sound of a weight dropping onto the ground that Dave has come to associate with John’s long training hours. John is strong- it’s his whole act- but of course, they’re a circus, and some of it is illusion. Dave always loves to watch the act. Sometimes, he wishes he were built like John so he could gain muscles easily and look like how boys are supposed to- chiseled, fit, and masculine. Then girls would be all over him, like how they are in movies when the protagonist has a foot thick biceps and a jawline to kill. However, his nimble body allows him to be able to do lyra and silks, so maybe sacrificing girls isn’t that bad. Dave would choose the circus over a girl, any day. He’s never been interested.</p><p> </p><p>“OKaye. Get out of my room.”</p><p> </p><p>“See you, Rosie.” Dave laughs and begins to leave.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t fall!”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah. As if.”</p><p> </p><p>_____</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t be such a pussy, Vantas.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not a pussy.”  Karkat presses himself up from leaning on the wall to glare at Vriska Serket, who glares right back. Karkat’s a new member of the gang they have, ever since he met Serket’s friend, Sollux, at a shitty diner and helped him out when he got caught dining and dashing- a stupid, small crime to get caught for, really, which was why Karkat took it upon himself to chuck a glass of maple syrup at the wall. Overall, not the most well orchestrated crime, but both of them got out of there and Karkat made a good first impression; one thing led to another, and now Karkat hangs out with Vriska. Vriska has a whole little group of goons that follow her- Karkat likes to think he isn’t a mindless goon, but who is he kidding?- that included Gamzee Makara, who’s burned a lot of things down and probably killed someone, Eridan Ampora, who’s only discernible personality trait is being blonde and good with a knife, and Feferi Peixes, who talks a lot and also likes hitting people. Then, of course, Sollux, who would be second-in-command. <em> If </em>Vriska Serket didn’t rule her gang as a dictator, that is. Sollux is quieter than Karkat had first expected- soft in places than Vriska is not. It leads to a lot of ridicule from the others, and Karkat joins in most of the time, but the flicker of shame that passes over Sollux’s face before he can wipe it off always hits Karkat like a punch to the gut.</p><p> </p><p>“There’s a circus show tonight.” Gamzee Makara mentions casually. Karkat follows the voice upwards and sees Gamzee’s thin body seated atop some unsturdy boxes.</p><p> </p><p>“Holy hell. I thought they were closed.” Eridan whines in a voice not unlike a little girl’s.</p><p> </p><p>“They weren’t closed. They just had to patch up the tent.”</p><p> </p><p>Eridan laughs. “I tore that red and white hellhole pretty good, though.”</p><p> </p><p>“Focus it on the fucking freaks next time. Can’t patch ‘em up if their guts are on the floor.” </p><p> </p><p>Karkat laughs.</p><p> </p><p> “We’ll teach them a lesson. Tonight. To get the fuck out of our town.” Vriska says. “You in, pussy?”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not a pussy!” Karkat flips her off- Vriska doesn’t react, instead just glaring at Karkat like a dog about to pounce.</p><p> </p><p>“Then you can do the honors.” She says viciously.</p><p> </p><p>“The honors.” </p><p> </p><p>“We’re gonna make circus pot pie.”</p><p> </p><p>Karkat blinks. “That sounds gross.”</p><p> </p><p>“See you tonight, Vantas.” Vriska starts off, then pauses and looks over her shoulder at the last second. “Sollux?”</p><p> </p><p>“Coming.” Sollux scurries off behind his cousin, hands in his pocket. Karkat doesn’t expect the glance over the shoulder he receives from the troll, but the dread it contains certainly confuses him more than he already is. Vriska Serket <em> hates </em>the circus. She hates anybody different than her. She hates humans.</p><p> </p><p>Karkat wonders just how far Serket would go to get the circus out of town. </p><p> </p><p>_____</p><p> </p><p>Karkat pulled into the gravel parking lot, swerving and braking much quicker than he should have. In the car with him is Vriska Serket and the rest of her gang, in all of their immature and semi-murderous glory.</p><p> </p><p>“Let’s go kill us some fucking clowns!” Feferi laughed right in his ear, making his hands jerk so quickly he was glad the car was in park already. He lets out a frustrated sigh through his nose, contemplates sending his fist into Feferi’s stupid fucking mouth, and then decides against it.</p><p> </p><p>The gang files out, ironically flowing out like a clown car, seeing as Karkat’s car was an old four-seater, and there were six people stuffed into it. The thought makes him laugh, but he doesn’t share his thoughts with anyone when prompted by an odd glance from Sollux because he’d like to keep his very dull front teeth right where they are, thank you very much.</p><p> </p><p>Everyone laughed and shouted at Feferi’s not-very-witty comment, going up to the tent at an inconvenient angle just so Ampora could run his knife alongside it as they ran to the entrance. Karkat rolled his eyes at how stupidly obvious they were, then started jogging just to keep up. It wasn’t like anyone could stop them since the circus didn’t make enough money to hire security. Once they got inside, Karkat practically short-circuited. He hadn’t been to the circus before, but apparently going here and shouting obscenities at the performers was a not-so-rare event in the Serket gang. The smell of sweat and popcorn didn’t compliment each other, and the loud clamoring of the crowd starting to file in didn’t help, either. All of the mixed senses were too overwhelming, and suddenly Karkat found he felt some of the same anger Serket must have because he felt the seething redness inside him. He was going to sit in a smelly, gross tent for an hour and he can’t even stand a minute, and these people <em> live </em>here? He can only imagine those who are subject to working in such a horrible place have to be truly abominable creatures.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, Sol!” Karkat called out, seeing as they were always the last two left sitting behind the rest of the gang. He noted when Sollux scowled at the nick-name, and decided he’d have to use it again later. Just to piss him off.</p><p> </p><p>“What?” He turned to Karkat sharply, hands in his pockets and shoes dragging in the dirt. </p><p> </p><p>“Wanna grab some popcorn? I’ll pay.” Karkat pulled two quarters and a dime out of his pocket, clinking them together right in Sollux’s face. He grabbed his wrist and shoved it away, clearly stifling a laugh. </p><p> </p><p>“Vrithka would hate uth thupporting the circuth.” Sollux laughs.</p><p> </p><p>“We’ll tell her it’s to throw.”</p><p> </p><p>They walked towards the stand, Karkat throwing a hand to his mouth when he saw a caprician who didn’t look older than nine wearing a weird khaki robe, clothes that in no way matched their environment. Karkat and Sollux looked at each other, thinking the same thing.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> How the hell does such a cute kid come from such fucking weirdos? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>“Two popcorns, please,” Karkat said hesitantly, while Sollux just looked at the caprician.</p><p> </p><p>He got their two bags, and handed them over the counter a little too enthusiastically, spilling a few pieces onto their feet. He pointed to a little sign hung on the stand, ‘fifty-eight cents!’.</p><p> </p><p>Sollux grabbed the bags, spilling some more on their shoes.</p><p> </p><p>“Here,” Karkat dropped the coins into the little thing’s palm. He grabbed his bag from Sollux, tossing a couple of pieces into his mouth and letting the hot butter burn his tongue. “You know what? Keep the change for yourself, kid. Go buy some penny candy, or whatever.”</p><p> </p><p>He smiled again-<em> did this kid know how to smile and </em> not <em> make Karkat want to, too? </em></p><p> </p><p>As they walked away, Sollux got Karkat right in the ribs with his elbow. </p><p> </p><p>“<em> Fuck </em>, dude, what was that for?” He wheezed, the wind not-quite knocked out of him. Sollux looked at him like he’s crazy, glaring at Karkat with a mix of anger and fear.</p><p> </p><p>“KK, you just intentionally gave a circuth worker cash! If Vrithka findth out, your ath is <em> out </em>,” Sollux worriedly tossed an entire handful of popcorn into his mouth.</p><p> </p><p>“So? The kid couldn’t be even ten. He’ll probably go spend it on some chocolate or whatever. I… hate these freaks, too, but that was probably the cutest little thing I’ve ever seen. It was two fucking cents, Sollux.”</p><p> </p><p>Sollux nodded in agreement, eyes on the ground. “Karkat…This thit ithn’t a joke. Vrithka <em> hateth </em>them.”</p><p> </p><p>“C’mon,” Karkat said, shoving him on the shoulder and pointing behind them. “I believe you owe me a cigarette,”</p><p> </p><p>“A very fair trade for thome popcorn,” Sollux noted sarcastically.</p><p> </p><p>“Obviously,” Karkat deadpanned.</p><p> </p><p>They walked out to Karkat’s truck, the gravel crunching Roxyeath their feet being the only noise except for the muffled sounds coming from the circus-goers in the tent.</p><p> </p><p>“D’ya have a light?” Sollux asked once they got to the truck.</p><p> </p><p>Karkat nods as Sollux holds the cigarette to his lips; Karkat fumbles in his pocket for the lighter and pulls it out, flicking his thumb against it to ignite the flame. Sollux takes a puff and promptly blows it in Karkat’s face.</p><p> </p><p>“Wow. Thank you, asshole.”</p><p> </p><p>“No problem.”</p><p> </p><p>There’s a passing moment where they say nothing.</p><p> </p><p> “Why are we out here, Sollux?” Karkat asks. He looks out to the parking lot rather than at his friend beside him, who is, in turn, looking at him.</p><p> </p><p>Sollux shakes his head. “What…” He clears his throat. “What do you mean?”</p><p> </p><p>“I mean, why did we come out here? Alone?”</p><p> </p><p>Sollux blinks at him, weary, and doesn’t say anything for a second. “To get away from Vrithka, I guess.”</p><p> </p><p>“You don’t like her much, even if she’s your friend.”</p><p> </p><p>“The’s an athhole. About a lot of thingth.” Sollux looked away, blowing smoke in the exact opposite direction . </p><p> </p><p>“Things.” Karkat repeats. “OKaye.”</p><p> </p><p>“I think we thould go back inthide.”</p><p> </p><p>Karkat nods. “Me, too.”</p><p> </p><p>_____</p><p>When Karkat and Sollux make it back inside the tent, Vriska and Gamzee’s loud shouting is already easy to hear, but nobody quiets them- a reputation of knife-wielding and violence precedes them, after all. The performers are clearly used to it, by now. While this is Karkat’s first experience with the gang at the “freak show”, it’s not the freak show’s first experience with the gang. The two find their seats with the group and sit shoulder to shoulder, immediately greeted with two hands sinking into their popcorn, and then a third taking it away all together (Sollux’s whiny protest being ignored). Karkat watches the scene going on the stage, trying to ignore as Vriska shouts something obscene at the man on stage, who is walking the tightrope. The man is extremely fit with a light stubble, and Karkat’s close enough to see him in detail. The man is able to do a few jumps, walk backwards, and eventually does some sort of kick-over that lands him on his feet on the wire. The crowd erupts into cheers and the lights go out. The tent is in silence as the light comes back on, and a flowing silk descends from the ceiling.</p><p> </p><p>He’s silent as another light flashes on, this time focusing on a woman on the ground, who softly glowered in the light. </p><p> </p><p>Karkat watches in awe as she moves, absorbing the graceful movements against the red silks. “Fall!” Eridan calls out, and Karkat finds himself turning around with vigor and telling him to shut his mouth before he carves his name on his forehead. He turns back to the act, transfixed on the performer.</p><p> </p><p>On the performance, he means.</p><p> </p><p>Karkat stares-he wouldn’t quite say <em> helplessly </em> , but that was probably the best word to describe it- as the performer used her somewhat muscular frame to climb up the silks. She was so fast, Karkat thought she was flying. She spun and spun, did a weird flip thing that he thought was honestly really cool, but his favorite part was when she went down. She did a combination of things to accomplish that, but every spin and flip and roll had Karkat’s full attention, despite Vriska’s jeers (“ <em> Fumble! Fall! </em>”). </p><p> </p><p>He elbowed Sollux, not taking his eyes off of the amazing performer. </p><p> </p><p>“She’s kinda hot, right? I mean, short hair, flat tits, not usually my type, but, <em> damn, </em> can she move her body.” Karkat whispered at him, blindly shoving popcorn in his mouth. He felt him shift to look at Karkat, so he tore his eyes away and looked. </p><p> </p><p>Sollux blinks at him like he’s a fucking idiot. “That’s a human, dumbath. What’th wrong with you?”</p><p> </p><p>Karkat’s eyes went wide, and he looked at the performer, who, now that he knew, definitely had skin lighter than a troll’s typical gray. It was hard to see under the harsh lighting and glitter.</p><p> </p><p>Karkat laughed it off with another shove at Sollux’s shoulder. “Nah, I’m just fucking with you.” He said, way too defensively. </p><p> </p><p>Sollux looked at him up and down. “Yeah.”</p><p> </p><p>They watched another <em> human </em> do some cool shit on a tied-up metal hula hoop, but Karkat didn’t find himself as invested. He’d blame it on the freaks putting on a boring show, but that was almost hypocritical.</p><p> </p><p>_____</p><p> </p><p>Vriska puts her cigarette on the wall and stares at the flap of the circus tent like it’s offended her; just inside is props and sets and people that she hates, and Karkat has no idea what Vriska intends to do with them.</p><p> </p><p>“Back up.” Vriska says over his shoulder. “We don’t want anyone to see us when they come out.” Nobody reacts fast enough, so Vriska spins around. “Are you deaf?”</p><p> </p><p>“Come on.” Sollux says and marches down- there’s a trash can they could duck behind near by, and Sollux leads them there.</p><p> </p><p>Vriska follows last, but keeps glaring at the tent rather than hiding like the rest of them. The flap moves slightly and Vriska almost jumps at it, causing Karkat to flinch. Out comes a thin girl in sweatpants and a short shirt that Karkat recognizes from the show, but from no particular act. He knows it’s not the one that he had taken an interest in, because he knows there’s no way he’d forget <em> her </em>.</p><p> </p><p>“Do ya think-” Feferi starts, but is quickly hushed with a slap on the back of the head from Gamzee, who’s pulled out his knife.</p><p> </p><p>Karkat’s eyes widen. “Is that really necessary, Gamzee?” Karkat asks slowly. Gamzee doesn’t answer, but he does glare at Karkat so intensely that he feels like he’s a dog being scolded, so he clears his throat and looks away.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, freak!” Vriska calls out, making the performer jump. Before, she had been distracted with a hole in the bottom of the bag allowing a few items to fall out, but now she’s frozen in spot and staring at Vriska. Her eyes travel across to the other five.</p><p> </p><p>Karkat has to give it to her- for her situation, she keeps a calm composure. Karkat bites his lip. Here he is, crouched behind an actual dumpster because <em> Vriska </em>told him to, while a girl who is much skinnier and much shorter than him has her shoulders squared and is looking Vriska in the eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not just a freak. I also do lyra.” The girl says blandly, blinking in the face of danger. Karkat can hear the click of Gamzee flipping open his switchblade knife. His mouth goes dry. There’s no way they’re gonna kill this kid, right? She can’t be much younger than them. Gamzee begins walking behind Vriska, which queues Eridan and Feferi.</p><p> </p><p>“Sollux-”</p><p> </p><p>“Thut the fuck up, Karkat.”</p><p> </p><p>“Sollux, Gamzee has a knife. He’s not going to kill him, right?”</p><p> </p><p>Sollux pauses. “No.”</p><p> </p><p>“You hesitated. Sollux.”</p><p> </p><p>“I said to thut the fuck up.”</p><p> </p><p>Sollux stands up and suddenly Karkat is choked as he’s dragged to his feet by the back of his jacket, being brought alongside him despite his pounding heart and shaky hands.</p><p> </p><p>“You didn’t hear me?” The girl says, staring them all down, replying to something he’s sure Vriska said. A clump is being formed around her, and the bottom of the trash bag has started to rip some more. Some of the contents spilled on the ground. “I said I was a freak. I also said I did lyra, too. In the show. Did you come for an autograph?” Her face remains collected, but his voice and the rest of her body tell a different story. Her grip on the garbage bag is iron-clad and tense, and there’s no way to ignore the shake in her voice.</p><p> </p><p>“Shut the fuck up, human.” Eridan snarls, clearly not liking the idea of being perceived as a fan of something as disgusting as a human.</p><p> </p><p>She takes a step closer, towards Vriska. “<em> Fuck </em>you.” She spits at the ground by her feet.</p><p> </p><p>Vriska barely let the spit land before she threw a hook at her jaw- the skinny girl’s body immediately spins and collapses to the ground, and Karkat has to fight back a gasp at how quickly she had <em> dropped, </em>like a dead weight.</p><p> </p><p>Karkat heard her groan from the floor, weak and helpless and making Karkat <em> boil </em>inside, because who the fuck would want to do that to somebody? Except that’s not really a question, because Vriska Serket sends her shoe flying into the human’s gut, releasing the ghost of a scream from lungs with no air. And for just a brief moment, Karkat wonders what it would be like to be in that position- to not even be able to breathe, to be surrounded, to be hunted.</p><p> </p><p>Karkat does not want to be hunted.</p><p> </p><p>“Vantas, you better not pussy out or I’ll-!” Karkat doesn’t wait for Vriska to finish her threat, because he knows that whatever it is, Vriska will do it. Instead, he tells himself to man up. He draws his foot back.</p><p> </p><p>He kicks.</p><p> </p><p>He expects for police cars to pull up, or for someone to reprimand him, or for something to stop him, but nothing does. Nothing happens. Karkat feels sick- nobody should be able to do this- nobody should be able to get away with this-</p><p> </p><p>“Sollux!” Feferi shouts. Karkat pulls back to look at the aforementioned member of the gang to see Sollux facing the tent entrance.</p><p> </p><p>“I just thought… What if another one of the freakshow comes out and calls the cops? I’m making sure no one comes out.”</p><p> </p><p>“If you get your ass over here now, I’ll let you have the honors of breaking the thing’s nose.” Feferi bargained, to which Sollux nodded warily and abandoned his post. Karkat was sure he was promised those “honors” earlier, but he sure as hell wasn’t complaining. <em> God, I’m going to burn in hell. Me and these assholes. </em></p><p> </p><p>He feels a cool metal pressed into his hand and he almost jumps, but looks to see that Gamzee had placed his knife there with a wicked grin. It has red blood on it. Karkat didn’t even realize Gamzee had used it. He might throw up. Did he stab him? “Do it.” Gamzee eggs on. Karkat stares at him, bewildered. “Freak filet.”</p><p> </p><p>“I thought- I thought it was pot pie.” Karkat says nervously. </p><p> </p><p>“It’s motherfucking fun, is what it is, brother. Do it.”</p><p> </p><p>Karkat turns to the girl in the center- the others have backed up to let Karkat have a good angle, leaving her panting and bleeding. Karkat doesn’t think he can do it.</p><p> </p><p>He doesn’t figure out if he can or not. Instead, pain crashes over his head and makes it feel like his whole head is spinning as he hears the sound of something clatter around him. He finds himself on the ground with something poking into his skin.</p><p> </p><p> “<em> ROSE!” </em> A voice gasps from behind him. When Karkat looks up at the bleary figure, it’s the girl he had been watching at the show with half of a broken glass bottle in his hand. The girl turned out to be a boy, a human boy, only making Karkat feel worse. If he weren’t possibly concussed, Karkat would laugh- being hit over the head with a bottle wasn’t funny like it was in cartoons- it was sharp <em> and </em>heavy. If glittering glass had cascaded down his shoulders, he was down too fast to see it. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Fuck,” Karkat murmored, lifting a hand to the back of his head and pulling it back, revealing bright red blood on his fingertips. </p><p> </p><p>“Leave him the fuck alone, you assholes! She was taking out the fucking trash for me! I’m not sure how the fuck that offended you, but you can take it up with me, instead!” Karkat looked up, seeing double, hearing a shrill voice turn to calm defiance.</p><p> </p><p><em> Thank fuck </em> , was all Karkat could think while forcing himself onto his feet, <em> a reason to wuss out. </em>Still struggling, he feels Sollux’s arm loop under his armpits and heave him up like how he did at the dumpster, except this time it’s slower and Sollux keeps a stabilizing hand on Karkat’s forearm so he doesn’t fall over.</p><p> </p><p>Vriska bared her teeth like a goddamn predator, holding her hand out for Gamzee’s knife (Vriska thankfully <em> lost </em> hers about a month ago chasing an unfortunate kid who had stolen a nickel from him, but was able to run away fast enough). Karkat feels Sollux’s hand touch his, confusing him for a second before he feels the knife being tugged from his hand and passed to Vriska.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, look! The human’s here to save his <em> girlfriend </em>.” Vriska turned to the new boy.</p><p> </p><p>“Vrithka. Let’th just go. He’th hurt.” Sollux says about Karkat, then motions to Rose. “And we fucked her up more than enough.” He swallowed. The boy in front of them is still holding out the sharp bottle like a weapon and shaking with rage. “Their thtupid thow is cantheled at leatht for tonight-”</p><p> </p><p>“So, you should go. Or I’ll call the police. They’ll catch your idiot group of assholes one day. You better hope it’s not today.”</p><p> </p><p>Vriska laughed. “OKaye, girly-boy. We’ll make sure you’re next.” The group disbands with hoots and laughter, Sollux and Karkat at the back, going slow because Karkat’s still seeing double. They don’t make it far before there’s a hand on his shoulder turning him around, and he’s face to face with the bottle-wielding boy.</p><p> </p><p>“I know you think you’re so tough with your dull, rusty knife and your leather jackets, but I see you. I know you’re just an unloved and lonely little piece of shit that has nothing better to do than hurt people. You hear me? I see it. I see how sad and insecure and <em> pathetic </em> you are. You got that? <em> Do you?” </em></p><p> </p><p>“Give it up, girly-boy.” Sollux growls.</p><p> </p><p>Karkat just blinks at him. “You did good on the silks, yesterday.”</p><p> </p><p>The boy looks at Karkat, chest rising up and down for a few moments and fists shaking at his sides. “Fuck you.”</p><p> </p><p>_____</p><p> </p><p>The door opens and Kanaya walks softly into Rose’s ‘room’. It’s not much of a <em> room </em>, really, but it’s how they all live- a shoddy mattress on the floor, taking up floor space they all honestly would rather use for their supplies. This is where Rose is now, with an ice pack across her bare stomach. Her actual injuries hadn’t been too severe. No broken nose, although it had been threatened. She has bruises in a lot of places and the lanky one they had called Gamzee had cut a line across his thigh, but it was nothing she couldn’t recover from. Bruises from lyra were common, so she had them often.</p><p> </p><p>Just not this much.</p><p> </p><p>“Are you feeling better?” Kanaya asks softly. She kneels by the side and takes the warming ice pack away from Rose, slowly placing the new one she brought in to replace it. Rose hisses from the cold, sitting up to make the distance easier for Kanaya. </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah. Just sore. But you don’t have to worry about me.” Rose answers, shaking her head. She could have fought back, at least, instead of dropping like a fly. She could have fought back when they called him a freak, but she knows it’s true. She knows it, so what’s the point of fighting it? It was six to one, so she would have gotten rocked regardless.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m worried about you.” Kanaya replies, her hand going to rest on Rose’s shoulder. Rose looks at the hand, then back up to Kanaya. “I- because- I don’t think you can go on tomorrow.”</p><p> </p><p>Rose’s eyes widen. “I’ve performed with worse bruises! This is exactly what they wanted. Kanaya-“</p><p> </p><p>Kanaya’s eye’s wander around the room, landing around Rose’s head but never on her. “You’re not going on. I guess they’ll get what they want.” </p><p> </p><p>“You’re not my parent. I’m performing. It’s-it’s on the set!” Rose moves her head, trying to catch herself in Kanaya’s view, but the ringmaster remains adamant not to give her that.</p><p> </p><p>“Kayee can take over for the next few days.”</p><p> </p><p>“<em> Days </em>?!”</p><p> </p><p>“Terezi doesn’t think-“</p><p> </p><p>“Terezi,” Rose laughs grimly, glaring at Kanaya. Terezi, the stage manager, who obviously has final say in everything recently. Kanaya’s back straightens up and she presses her lips together. “Of course it was Terezi,” Rose shook her head spitefully, saying the name like it hurts. </p><p> </p><p>“Rose, the people who hurt you are angry, horrible people. They’re filled with hate because they can’t understand anything outside themselves. And if they see someone they want gone on stage-“ Her voice cracks, and Rose’s stomach flips. “Rose, if you got hurt- or-or worse, I could never forgive myself. You can’t-“</p><p> </p><p>“Kanaya,” Rose stops her quietly. At some point, Kanaya’s hand on her arm had travelled down, resting on top of Rose’s hand. Kanaya sucks in some air, staring into Rose’s eyes with hers “Fine. A week.”</p><p> </p><p>“Two.” Kanaya counters.</p><p> </p><p>“Ten days.”</p><p> </p><p>Kanaya pauses. “Fine,” She says, then looks down to their meeting hands. Immediately, she jerks back and stands up, stepping away quickly. “If you need anything...” Her voice trails off. “Ask Roxy. Or Dave. I’m busy.”</p><p> </p><p>Rose swallows, her throat tight, and nods.</p><p> </p><p>Kanaya leaves, and doesn’t close the door behind her. Rose looks at the ceiling, unwilling to watch her walk away.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>______ </b>
</p><p> </p><p>Dave feels the familiar pressure of the aerial silks against his inner thigh, pulled taught by his foot held in a footlock as he pulls himself into his next position. Like always, if there is any jeering or cheering, he doesn’t hear, too focused on the craft- the way the silk drapes around his body, the way his hands grip, the way he knows he’s secure when he lets go and drops due to the intricate weaving he’s learned. Today, he’ll have to do a double act on the silks, and then move to lyra, since the allotted time for Rose needs to be filled. He’d definitely be sore and tired after the show, but that’s what circus is about. Nobody does this shit unless they really love it. Normally, when he performs, it’s like a dance. He loses all sense of the world around him, but as he’s wrapping for a mermaid drop…</p><p> </p><p>He stops cold.</p><p> </p><p>In the third row is a pair of nubby horns on the same face that had been at the back of the tent by the dumpsters the days before. He knows he looks too long to play it off because he misses his musical cue and has to scramble to catch up, hoping nobody notices. He completes his act despite the distraction. When the Serket gang is there, Dave almost doesn’t realize. His brain shuts off and ignores them.</p><p> </p><p>So, why is the one here? Alone?</p><p> </p><p>Had Dave hitting him over the head with a bottle not sent a clear enough message?</p><p> </p><p>He’s able to easily make his way to the lyra and power through the routine despite it not being an angry one, but he can’t really help it- he doesn’t want Nubs to be here. He wants him to leave. He wants to beat him over the head with <em> another </em>bottle because of how he treated Rose. The act is choppy and certainly not his best, but when he bows at the end, the delight from the audience proves they didn’t notice.</p><p> </p><p>Dave glances around the crowd, smiling and searching for the face again, but only finding an empty spot where the troll should be. Relieved, he walks off for the next act to get on- Roxy turns the lights out from backstage as Kayee and Zach walk on to take their place for their magic act. Dave hauls ass backstage to get a drink of water and calm down his racing heart- from anger or exercise, he doesn’t know. He finds himself making his way to Rose’s tent to vent, but he quickly realizes he shouldn’t tell Rose that the boy who held a knife to her less than twenty-four hours ago is outside.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey. Did you do well?” Rose asks as Dave comes in.</p><p> </p><p>“Of course I did good. Asshole.”</p><p> </p><p>“I would have been better.”</p><p> </p><p>“Probably,” Dave says, but still flips his friend off anyway. Rose chuckles, and then winces, bringing them both back to reality. “Good thing we have a few days off. I’m starting to get sore.”</p><p> </p><p>“Poor you,” Rose says flatly. </p><p> </p><p>Dave opens his mouth, wanting to tell her that some of the Serket’ gang is here. He doesn’t like feeling like he’s keeping a secret. However, he knows better. “Roxy almost dropped the light. Threw me for a second.” He ends up settling on, even if it’s not true. Roxy has been excellent at all of the technology that Dave doesn’t understand- spotlights and machines that play music that Roxy excitedly tried to explain used vibrations to function, but Dave got lost and decided he’d just stick to silks.</p><p> </p><p>Rose sighs loudly. “I wish you had fallen so you wouldn’t leave me to rot in here.”</p><p> </p><p>“Rot? This is our <em> job! </em> I literally <em> have </em>to perform,”</p><p> </p><p>“At least Roxy came in to keep me company. At least <em> someone </em>cares,”</p><p> </p><p>Dave laughs. “I hate you. I’m gonna leave, just to spite you.”</p><p> </p><p>“You love me. You’re leaving for final bows,”</p><p> </p><p>“Perhaps. Whatever. Shut up.”</p><p> </p><p>Dave sends a two finger salute before leaving, feeling happy and much more calm than he was before. Rose was laughing and Nubs is gone, and he has to go out for his final applause soon. That’s good. That’s great, actually, and Dave will be calm.</p><p> </p><p>Taking his bows are the same as every night. He smiles and waves and enjoys the applause and-</p><p> </p><p>And Nubs is standing at the very back, arms crossed, hiding behind the seating.</p><p> </p><p>Dave doesn’t go backstage once the music stops and queues him to leave the stage- instead, he makes a beeline for Nubs, ready to tell him off. Unfortunately, on the way there, a crowd of people rush past him and he loses sight, desperately trying to make his way through the group of exiting circus goers. Once he finally pushes through, he sees Nubs still there. And looking directly at him.</p><p> </p><p>Dave practically sees red. He charges.</p><p> </p><p>“What the fuck are you doing here?” He asks, not bothered by the fact that he’s actually in a black skin tight suit. He could kick this guy’s ass in any outfit available. “You need to leave, now.”</p><p> </p><p>“Wait-”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t give a fuck why you’re here. I really don’t care if you’re here to kill me. I’m going to beat the shit out of you, <em> right now-” </em></p><p> </p><p>“I said-”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t care what you said, maniac! <em> I </em> said you need to <em> leave. </em>And you’re still here!” Dave’s fists are balled up at his side. “If there weren’t people still in this tent, I would have fucking strangled you by now.”</p><p> </p><p>“Like you could.”</p><p> </p><p>“Excuse me? You want to find out?”</p><p> </p><p>“Wait. Shit. This isn’t how-”</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll call the police!” Dave brings his hands up and-</p><p> </p><p>Nubs grabs his wrists. “I’m here to apologize!”</p><p> </p><p>Dave pauses. “Apologize?” His hands go slightly limp, and then suddenly the anger boils up in him again. “Well, I’m not apologizing for this.” His hands may be restrained, but he sends his knee flying up into the other boy’s groin, immediately getting a reaction. His wrists are released as Nubs doubles over. “I don’t know why you came here alone,” He says slowly. “And I don’t want to find out.”</p><p> </p><p>For some reason, he doesn’t feel it’s necessary to watch Nubs walk out. He already knows he’s going to leave.</p><p> </p><p>Dave walks backstage without a second look.</p><p><br/>
_____</p><p> </p><p>When Dave awakens purely of his own conviction rather than the sound of Kanaya crashing through his room and ripping off his sheets, demanding he get up to stretch, he is reminded that today is a day with no performances. This means that he has the day purely to himself, but that doesn’t mean that he’s not going to spend it in the tent anyway. Unless he finds something better to do- which he usually doesn't.</p><p> </p><p>Thankfully, after about an hour and a half of cleaning (his default when he has time- at least he found his damn wrap), the Mayor bursts in, providing him with something to do. He flops onto Dave’s freshly made bed, effectively crumpling the sheets Dave had just laid down. </p><p> </p><p>“I’m <em> bored </em>, Dave,” He complained, drawing out the last letter of ‘bored’. the Mayor always came to Dave first, which surprised him when he first showed up, seeing as Roxy’s room, or even Rose’s room was closer. Maybe the Mayor felt more welcomed around Dave, like he could go and complain to him whenever Kanaya pushed him away. Which was a rare occurrence, until a few months ago. Dave found the little caprician dramatically collapsing on his bed at least once a week now, and it honestly confused Dave. When he tried to bring it up to Kanaya,she told him to go and practice. </p><p> </p><p>“Go bother Kan,” Dave supplied mindlessly even though he knew what the response would be. </p><p> </p><p>“I tried,” He sighed dramatically, throwing his wrist across his forehead like a damsel, “But Kanaya said that she already had a friend over,”</p><p> </p><p>Dave’s eyes widened. <em> Christ, Kanaya. </em>“Best not to try to talk to her then,” He said quickly. “Do you want to go to the movies?” Honestly, he just said the first thing that came to mind to just keep the Mayor the hell away from whatever Kanaya was doing.</p><p> </p><p>The boy’s eyes lit up. “Can we? Kanaya never takes me!”</p><p> </p><p>“If you fix my bedsheets, then yeah.” Dave smiles as the caprician frantically straightens up his bed.</p><p> </p><p>“C’mon, let’s go,” He said, grabbing Kanaya’s car keys off of his vanity as they walked out. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>_____</b>
</p><p> </p><p>Dave and the Mayor are paying in line, Dave sliding three quarters over to the teenager behind the counter. the Mayor excitedly grabs the tickets, dragging him with his other hand to the concessions. He kept pointing to things and asking for them, but Dave’s focus was about fifteen feet across the room, the blood in his face feeling as though it was drained at least that far away. </p><p> </p><p>At such a distance, Dave saw two people; Nubs and a man with a double set of sharp horns, both sharing joking smiles that made his stomach feel sour. He felt the fight-or-flight reaction building up in his chest, ready to either deck them or ready to run like hell. It felt a <em> bit </em> unreasonable at first- they were in broad daylight, around a child, and as long as they didn’t take note of each other, this could pass by smoothly. At the end of this mess, all Dave wanted was to come out of the other side unscathed. Part of him <em> does </em> want to punch the horns off of that dumbass, but that wouldn't leave a very good impression on the Mayor. For the Mayor’s sake, he tried to get as far away as he could from the gang members. </p><p> </p><p>“Mayo, buddy, we should go, now-”</p><p> </p><p>He frowned. “But <em> why? </em>We just got here, and we didn’t even start the movie yet-“</p><p> </p><p>Dave gripped his arm, much more forcefully than he meant to.  “Mayor, listen, we really have to go and-”</p><p> </p><p>He looked at Nubs dead in the eye. Mentally reciting just about every swear word he’d ever heard, he straightened his back and kept a hold of the Mayor. Dave would rather <em> die </em> than let that asshole and his curly-haired accomplice lay a single goddamned finger on the Mayor. He was like a little brother to everyone in the circus (even Roxy’s girlfriend, although Gerogie was quite infatuated with her; she always pretended to swoon when he folded a popcorn bag into a very vaguely-rose shaped token). Dave would definitely do the same if he were her in the situation- He loves the Mayor to death. He determined this just a month into living with then, when Dave had first joined. He felt homesick; despite knowing his Bro’s behavior was unacceptable, he still missed him. He was his <em> brother </em>. He could never completely hate him. </p><p> </p><p>The Mayor had walked in on him sniffling over him, one day, so he asked what was wrong. Dave explained that although he loves being in the circus, it was hard not to miss his Bro.</p><p> </p><p>The Mayor told him that sometimes Kanaya cared a lot, too, so if he needed somebody to take care of him, they could share Kanaya. <em> “She’s great at or-an-ommy! She taught me everything I know!” </em>He had laughed.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “Do you mean origami?” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “That’s what I said.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Dave had squeezed him into a hug then, realizing he was the first person to love him regardless of blood, rather than because of it.</p><p> </p><p>“Look, you blind athhole, it’th the guy who hit you with that bottle last night!” The one with the red and blue glasses said, as he approaches Dave with the other member of the gang at his side.</p><p> </p><p>Dave inhaled shakily, eyes jumping around. They landed on a frightened little caprician. He suddenly felt the overwhelming urge to protect him, so he squared his shoulders and held his breath. “And I’ll do it again, right fuckin’ now, if you don’t leave me alone. I’m here with a little kid. Are you two sociopaths or something?”</p><p> </p><p>Sollux’s grin dropped immediately. “You really mutht have balls. You’re gonna threaten us? Didn’t you thee what we did to your thtupid friend?”</p><p> </p><p>Dave felt a tiny hand tightening onto his wrist, looking down to see the Mayor grabbing onto him, his face both viciously scared and fiercely protective. He’s probably scared. How the fuck is Dave supposed to keep the Mayor safe, let alone both of them?</p><p> </p><p>“You’re not going to do anything. Not in broad daylight. Just at night, behind circus tents and disease-ridden alleyways where you think you can hide the fact that you’re just another insignificant asshole who’s terrified of being forgotten.” Dave needed to shut his fucking mouth, and get the Mayor out of there.</p><p> </p><p>Sollux growls, and the Mayor flinches. “You and your little girlfriend better learn to watch what cometh out of your mouthth,” he says, stepping closer slowly. “Or my fithth will do it for you,” He was now entirely in Dave’s face, who had to lean back just to avoid contacting him. He could smell the cigarettes on his breath. It made him shudder. </p><p> </p><p>“Sollux, that’s enough, he’s just trying to take a fucking kid to the movies, grow up and leave them alone.” Nubs said, shoving his hand in between the men and trying to pull his friend back. </p><p> </p><p>Sollux stumbled back into him, sputtering out an angry “<em> Fine </em>,” that was practically leaking with anger and unresolve. Dave takes a quick step back- more of a stumble, really- out of fear that who he’s learned to be named Sollux is going to swing at them.</p><p> </p><p>Dave took a couple of steps back, fully intending to leave the theater when Nubs shot him a look. The look is part pity and part guilt, and Dave wants to punch it off of him. </p><p> </p><p>“What, do you want me to <em> thank </em> you? Get the fuck over yourself, fuckass.” Dave grabs the Mayor’s hand, and the two leave the gang members behind them in a dizzying haze. </p><p> </p><p>“Who were those guys?” The little thing asked as he was speed-walking away, his little legs jogging to keep up. </p><p> </p><p>“They hurt Rose. They’re why she can’t perform,” Dave knows that at the heart of it, the greater disservice to Rose wasn’t the beating she took, but the days she won’t be able to practice or perform because of it. They stripped something essential from her- not permanently, but for long enough. Dave doesn’t know what could make it better. “Let’s go get some ice cream, or something, okay?” He offers.</p><p> </p><p>The Mayor kept a solemn face for a moment, then broke into a soft smile. “Can I get strawberry?”</p><p> </p><p>Dave almost guffaws. “Of course. Of <em> course </em>you can get strawberry.”</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>damn sorry this is late </p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The next day, Jane Crocker comes to visit her boyfriend.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jane Crocker is a perfect girlfriend, thank you very much. She combs her hair twice a day, and she’d clean his laundry if he asked, and she won’t “give it up” until marriage. Luckily, she found a boyfriend who’s just as perfect- an award winning smile, a charming personality, very much marriage material, and can do his own laundry anyhow. Things every girl looks for in a partner, and something Jane found in Roxy. And then it didn’t end there- he’s book smart, too. He knows all about light fixtures and how to work them, and music, and he’s worked at a circus for a few months now, ever since she met him. It was all very- well- </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> good, at first, if she had to be honest. Her grandfather didn’t like her being with the circus, but he liked her being with Roxy, and she couldn’t make up her mind on what to do. Eventually, Roxy won out.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Their friends are great, too. Kaye is a performer she would have never met without assistance from Roxy, and she’s a friend Jane knows she’ll have for life. The girl is a fantastic magician, but she’s even better at advice. And can make good banana bread, even though Terezi- their stage manager, of sorts, and another good friend- insists that she does it better. Zach is Kaye’s partner in her act, and he’s a proper gentleman; Kanaya is always kind, and the Mayor is practically an angel. John is a little intimidating with the whole strong-man routine, but Jane has come to find he could never hurt a fly, unless the fly was trying to hurt someone John loves, and then John could definitely hurt that fly. Dave and Rose are both great friends of hers, too, although she does feel a little left out by their extremely close friendship. The two can read each other’s minds. It could be an act. Jane supposes it’s something that comes with being siblings, as she grew up alone.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Right now, Jane is sitting on the stage in the center of a tent, smiling up at Kaye with a cigarette in her mouth as they talk about the other day’s performance.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It was a really good day. Shame, what happened after, though.” Kaye sighs, shaking her head. “Screwed up some plans. Good thing Dave covered it. Terezi was so stressed.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“After?” Jane asks, her smile faltering. She doesn’t live at the circus like the others- she lives with her grandfather still, so sometimes she’s out of the loop.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You don’t know?” Kaye asks, bewildered.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jane frowns. “Was it something bad?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kaye sighs, shaking her head. “Oh, Jane. To be young and in love. And blissfully ignorant.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t talk to me like I’m a child. You’re only two years older than me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Some gang caught Rose after the show and roughed her up pretty bad.” Kaye frowns, shaking her head in a disapproving way. Then she shrugs to say </span>
  <em>
    <span>what-can-you-do</span>
  </em>
  <span>? and blows two kisses to Jane, one for each cheek. “Okay. I gotta go. Zach’s waiting for me."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jane smirks. “To be young and in love, Kaye.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kaye giggles and walks off waving to Jane and disappearing behind some flap of tent to get to her boy, leaving Jane cross legged on the platform, trailing her finger in circles. She stares up at the ceiling, looking to the rafters Roxy is on during the show, and then at the point of the tent, where all the red and white stripes meet. She smiles. She likes it here, even if it smells like sweat and her cigarettes. All it needs is some perfume and some love.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The front tent flap opens and a boy with black hair and gray skin comes in, looking nervous. Jane stands up. “Sorry, hon. No shows today.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh.” He says, frowning. “I’m not here for a show. I’m here to... I heard one of your performers got injured? I brought some aspirin and bandages. I don’t know what you guys have, but I figured it couldn’t hurt.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jane smiles and walks closer to the boy, taking the white plastic bag he came in holding from his hand with a slightly forced smile. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Who got hurt? Is that what Kaye meant by what happened after? </span>
  </em>
  <span>“That’s so sweet of you.” Then she smirks, and looks at him knowingly. “Do you fancy a girl here or something?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I thought I did.” The boy says, earning a confused glance from Jane. She needed a bit more time to process all this information he kept giving her, his pace was a bit fast and she wasn’t used to not being on top and taking care of everything.“Nevermind. Could you just tell the boy on those silk things that I was here? Friend of mine.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jane nods. “Thanks so much. I’ll be sure to.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The boy nods and leaves in a rush, too fast for Jane to even realize that she never got his name. She sighs and makes her way backstage to find Dave, who’s sitting in his room and talking to John.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sorry to intrude, Dave.” She says. “Some boy- troll, a little angry looking- came in with some first aid for one of us and told me he wanted me to hand it off to you first. He seems like a nice friend! You should introduce us all some time.” She hands over the bag and places it next to Dave when he doesn’t take it, ruffling his hair once before walking out.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She hums an upbeat song on her way to find Roxy.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>_____</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dave scoops up the contents of the bag into his arms with a frown. The person Jane had described was definitely Nubs, so he knew whatever he’s holding can’t be trusted.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sorry, John.” Dave says slowly, not taking his eyes off of the bandages and aspirin he found inside. “I think I know who sent this. I have to go…” He finally looks up towards John, who’s staring at him with a confused expression. He doesn’t want to worry him. “Thank him. Find him and thank him.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Who is it?” John asks. “Do I know him?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dave shakes his head, tells John he’ll be back soon, and leaves his room. Once nobody’s around to see him, he breaks out into a run for the exit of the tent. He pulls it to the side and looks around, looking to see if Nubs has left already.. He looks to one side, and then to the right- and this is when he sees exactly who he’s looking for looking right back at him, wringing out his fingers.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dave takes a few steps towards him, but leaves a distance. “What are you doing here? Did you fuck with this stuff? That isn’t funny.” He says sternly, trying to stare daggers at the boy. Rather than the aggressive boy with a bloody knife he saw the other day, he instead finds a nervous kid wearing the same face.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No!” Nubs shakes his head vigorously. “I promise. I really do. I just- I feel bad. I want to help. I swear.” When Dave doesn’t respond, Nubs continues his talking. “I feel so- so- guilty. I’ve never done something like that before. I don’t know why-” He sighs, not finishing his sentence. He runs his fingers through his hair and looks at Dave.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You can take this back.” Dave says quietly, shoving the bag back at him. “We don’t need help. And certainly not from </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Nubs looks at Dave with such sorrowful eyes that, for a second, he almost believes the boy’s blubbering. Instead of accepting the items, he extends his arm out towards Nubs, who looks at it for a second. His eyes bob up and down before he takes a few steps forwards and is able to take the bag from him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What’s your name?” Nubs asks quietly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Dave Strider. It says it on the flyer, if you even bothered to look.” Dave turns and goes back inside. He does not say goodbye.</span>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you sure that Kanaya won’t budge?” Rose asks for the millionth time. Dave doesn’t blame her- he doesn’t think that he could go five days without performing, let alone ten, sitting around </span>
  <em>
    <span>injured</span>
  </em>
  <span>. He rolls his eyes regardless, because that’s just the kind of person he is. He knows that even if Rose doesn’t like his situation, it’s for the best. Someone taking over Rose’s act would be better than her pushing herself and not healing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know, Rose. Ask a </span>
  <em>
    <span>seventh</span>
  </em>
  <span> time. Maybe my answer will change.” Kanaya laughs, but Rose scowls at her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No need to be so snappy. I doubt you could stand a week like this. The break is nice, but I feel useless.” And she really </span>
  <em>
    <span>does</span>
  </em>
  <span> look sad- Dave pities him, just a bit. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can have the Mayor bring you some popcorn once the crowd is satiated.” Dave offers, standing up to go to his room so he can finish getting ready. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Once Dave sees Rose’s slightly dejected nod, he smiles at her, exiting with a small wave.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He walks out and rounds the corner, his mind buzzing with the thought of his performance tonight, when he finds himself suddenly crashing into something. A noise of distress escapes from Jane and she grabs onto his shoulder for support as to not fall. Her cigarette fell to the floor, so she tuts, and puts it out with the ball of her foot.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shit, Dave!” She sighs. “Did I burn you?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No. Are you okay? I’m sorry.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jane ruffles his hair. “Don’t sweat it. Plenty more where that came from. Where are you off to in such a rush?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I wasn’t rushing. Just distracted,” Dave counters. “Actually, do you think you can do my makeup for tonight?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why?” Jane asks. “Are you looking to impress somebody?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dave’s eyes widen. “No. Who would I even be trying to impress?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I dunno. Maybe some girlie caught your eye.” She laughs and bops his nose. “Okay, what are you going for?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Just… I don’t know. Something glowy. The music for this act is kind of… mystical. I want to match that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jane nods enthusiastically. “Roxy played it for me,” She smiles. “Let me tell them that he’ll need Kaye to replace me for a bit. Be right back!” She flounces off. Dave feels guilty that he’s taking Jane away from her boyfriend, calling out to her that she doesn’t have to ditch them to do his makeup. Jane, however, either doesn’t hear him or completely ignores him, because she doesn’t even pause. She comes back about two minutes later and hooks her arm through Dave’s, the other occupied by her makeup bag. “Lead the way, sir.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dave grins at the girl walking with him, chattering about how smart Roxy is for being able to work the technology for them, and how much she’d like to be able to do it, too. He admires the girl and all she stands for; she’s seamlessly perfect yet also untraditional, like biting into a chocolate chip cookie only to realize it’s oatmeal raisin, and finding that you like oatmeal raisin a lot more. The roles society enforces seem to deflect off of her. She had been the one to approach Roxy at the diner they met at and asked for his number, and that’s the same girl that rather than turning up her nose at a boy wearing makeup, had pulled Dave into his room and began setting up her brushes and items of the sort.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She comes back with her own makeup, anyway, and places it on the desk, smack-dab in the middle of the piles. “Glowy, you said? I’ll make you look like a freaking star.” She asks, already putting on the base layer.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“More like… the moon,” Dave picks, struggling to keep his head in the same spot as Bev beats on powder.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She smiles. “Gotcha. You’re in good hands, Strider.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know,” Dave smiles back as Jane tilts his head to the side. “I always am.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After twenty more minutes of face makeup, eyebrows, eyelashes, Jane gets to what she likes to call, ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>the good stuff</span>
  </em>
  <span>’. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Screw angel, we’re going for absolute goddess.” Jane decides as she brushes something onto his cheekbones. Dave loves when Jane swears, and it’s mostly because she does it around nobody else. Dave’s a little bubble of imperfection for her-and he wouldn’t have it any other way.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shouldn’t it be… just </span>
  <em>
    <span>god?</span>
  </em>
  <span> Because I’m a boy?” Dave asks, closing his eyes for her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nah,” She brushes something Dave is sure sparkles onto his eyelids. He just wasn’t sure if it was eyeshadow or straight up glitter. “Goddess is for beauty, god is for power. Look up. And if they can’t already tell you’re a god on the silks, makeup isn’t going to do much, I’m afraid. Open your mouth.” He does.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jane takes a small brush of something glossy and light pink across his lips, leaving a faint scent of something fruity underneath his nose. The smell of the lip gloss kind of make him want to lick it off his lips- he doesn’t understand how girls can wear stuff like this every day and not just… </span>
  <em>
    <span>eat </span>
  </em>
  <span>it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay, look.” She smiles and hands him a mirror.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And, yeah, goddess was absolutely the right word. His eyelids glittered, his cheekbones </span>
  <em>
    <span>shone,</span>
  </em>
  <span> and it made him feel as though he were made of diamonds. He smiles at Jane. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Perfect.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I always am,” She tilts her head and winks, pulling a cigarette out of a pocket Dave wasn’t aware was in her dress. If he was honest, he didn’t know </span>
  <em>
    <span>any</span>
  </em>
  <span> dresses had pockets. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dave stands up, and Jane does the same. He hugs her tight. “Thanks, Janey, but I’ve gotta go. Stretching and all.” She nods. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Knock them dead!” Jane says as parting words while Dave walks away, confident that he will. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dave’s focused- he always is- as he does a final few stretches before his act is introduced. He walks out when it is, the spotlight on him. The silks descend down to him, and he knows what he’s doing, he’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>conscious</span>
  </em>
  <span> of where they press and hold on him, and where they’re going to next, he </span>
  <em>
    <span>always is</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>What he never is: caught off guard. Not when he catches the eye of Nubs in the crowd. Not this time.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He misses his musical cue, if only by a beat, and doesn’t find himself too mad when he has to catch up. </span>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There was another show that day. There was another show that day, and Karkat shouldn’t have gone.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He did anyway.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Too enthralled by the thrill of the circus, he didn’t want to miss a chance to see the performers. Maybe just one performer specifically, not that he allowed himself to think that. He had bought popcorn from the Mayor again, and this time none of it was thrown at the acts like it would be if Vriska or any of her goons were there.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The show’s over now, so Karkat leaves just like the rest of the crowd with a buzzing in his chest too pleasant to ignore. He’s got leftover popcorn that he’s snacking on as he walks to wherever- his shitty apartment, or maybe to try to get something from a bar even though he’s underage- but he’s getting towards the bottom pieces so he’s got some stuck in his fangs.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He makes his way down a few blocks from the circus when he hears familiar voices.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“-and then I told him to fuck off, right, because I’m not just gonna stand there and listen to him! So, he grabs me on my arm-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Abtholute lunatic.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Right? Grabs me on my arm and tells me that if I don’t leave he’s gonna call the cops!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Karkat?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Huh? Oh. Vantas.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In front of him are two members of the Serket gang, and Karkat blinks stupidly at them. “Hi.” He says.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Slowly, Vriska’s eyes trail down to Karkat’s hand, and the most angry and confused expression washes over her face. “Is that… fucking popcorn?” She asks. “You went and caught a show with the humans?” Karkat doesn’t get to answer because the snack is slapped out of his hands onto the ground with ferocity.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Karkat doesn’t know what to say because- yeah. He did. He doesn’t have an excuse.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you suck human buldges now, Vantas?” Vriska snarls. She wraps her fingers around Karkat’s wrist.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t be groth, Vrithka.” Sollux snaps, and pulls Vriska’s hand off him. “That’th not even funny to joke about.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The back of Vriska’s jacket is grabbed with a hand as she’s tugged back to Sollux. Vriska shrugs him off quickly and scowls. Karkat doesn’t know much about Vriska yet, other than the fact that she’s an asshole, but he does know that Sollux is the only person in the gang who could tug her back like that or try to stop her from doing what she wants without promptly getting his ass handed to him. Karkat knows for a fact that Sollux is </span>
  <em>
    <span>the only </span>
  </em>
  <span>person.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>To reiterate- Karkat is not someone who can go against whatever Vriska Serket says and get away with it with only the loss of a half-empty popcorn. Before he can process it, Karkat feels himself knocked back. The pain doesn’t settle in for a few seconds, so he blinks blearily at Sollux, who is staring back at him open-mouthed. When the brief kick of adrenaline wears off, Karkat doesn’t allow himself to show it; he brings his finger to his eye, just to make sure it’s not bleeding. Serket adorns a sharp ring on her middle finger that luckily hasn’t hit his eye, but there’s what Karkat assumed to be a nasty cut on his eyebrow judging by the red that paints his fingertips. He squares his shoulders, ready for a fight.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“KK.” Sollux says, too softly. “You won’t win.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If you go all gross on me, I won’t be this fucking nice, got it?” Vriska looks… miserable. Miserably angry. The sort of angry that is raw and desperate and festering- the kind that when people tell you to calm down, it doubles up. Vriska is filled with a limitless hatred, instilled in her from when he was born by whatever lusus or lack thereof that raised her. When Vriska talks, she spits, and Karkat can imagine her face going cerulean and then her whole head popping just from the effort of holding on that rage. Even though Karkat’s taller than Vriska and he’s looking down on her, he feels susceptible to that rage. Like a fucking victim. He doesn’t know why, but he knows that he stands no chance. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” Karkat’s voice comes out more whiny than he means for it to, but he does his best to ignore it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dave opens the door to a pharmacy- the closest one had been over a mile away, so he had to take the bus -and inhales. One of the most familiar smells to Dave was that of a pharmacy. Which, he thinks, says a lot about his childhood. One after another, memories flooded back to him. He shakes his head as though that will rid him of the thoughts, and presses through the threshold once he realizes he has been standing in the doorway. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He hates pharmacies, and his friends </span>
  <em>
    <span>know</span>
  </em>
  <span> that, but he was the only one who wasn’t busy practicing or recovering. It was also his fault- Nubs had given him supplies, but Dave was too mistrusting to be able to accept it. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Which was totally reasonable,</span>
  </em>
  <span> He tried, if only for his own conscience, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Because it isn’t like he apologized or clearly had guilt in his magnified eyes. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Not at </span>
  <em>
    <span>all. </span>
  </em>
  <span>It’s cold, but if he knew how to accept apologies, he wouldn’t be out here at eleven o’clock on a Tuesday night, spending his own pocket money for shit they just received. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dave sighs as he scans the isle headers, looking for gauze and aspirin, when he sees a black and gray blur. His eyes backtrack, seeing double horns and a leather jacket, and suddenly he wonders what he could have </span>
  <em>
    <span>possibly</span>
  </em>
  <span> done to offend the universe so much so as to place him in an almost empty room, alone, so late at night with Sollux fucking Captor?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He keeps his eye down, not looking for trouble and not feeling like talking to him. He grabs the supplies, guessing as to where the stuff must be because he’ll be </span>
  <em>
    <span>damned</span>
  </em>
  <span> if he makes eye contact with that asshole, and walks up to the register holding two dollars and some spare change, hoping to drop it all on the counter and walk out as quickly as he can. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The old man at the counter did </span>
  <em>
    <span>not </span>
  </em>
  <span>feel like speeding up, and Dave swears he could have his whole prescription filled in the time it took to ring him up and </span>
  <em>
    <span>Christ, </span>
  </em>
  <span>he needed to get out of there.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Two dollars and thirty-two cents, please,” The old man says, voice moving just as slowly as his hands.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dave nods and pulls the money out of his pocket. Too quickly. The change clatters to the ground, and he’s powerless when he sees Sollux bend down to help him pick it up. They make eye contact when he drops the change in Dave’s hand, and he honest-to-god swallows, like they do in the cartoons.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I-“ Dave stammers. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Way to sound intimidating.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Didn’t thee you.” Sollux nods, almost stoically.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dave turns around, honestly a bit scared to have his back turned toward him, and finishes his exchange as quickly as he could, walking out stiffly. He put a hand on the door. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Open it and walk away. A goddamned Serket member is behind you, get your ass out!</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dave can’t find it in him to follow his gut. He turns around and walks straight back to the man, who was in the middle of buying a pack of Winston’s and looking very confused.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you friends with- with the one with the Nubs?” Dave asks tensely, clutching the bag with an iron hold.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sollux hesitates. “You mean Karkat?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dave nods more than he means to. “I… guess. Yeah. Him.” He doesn’t know what to say next. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Why did I need to know? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You thouldn’t be athking about him. I won’t thay anything- but, this will just cauthe problemth. I don’t know what’th going on with him but… thtop it.” He says, more concern than anger in his voice. Dave wants to know why he was concerned, but he had ignored his instincts long enough, and decided it was time to go. He takes a couple steps back and then fully bursts into a run outside the door, not noticing the cold anymore.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He’s too busy whispering the word ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>Karkat</span>
  </em>
  <span>’, and thinking about how that fit much better than ’Nubs’.</span>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re here again.” Dave says, making sure his voice is not accusatory, but also clearly not welcoming. Simply… neutral. He’s caught Nubs- </span>
  <em>
    <span>Karkat- </span>
  </em>
  <span>just about to leave without bothering him, and something compelled him to figure out why. Karkat looks ahead, not turning his face towards Dave.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I am.” He says quietly. Dave almost doesn’t pick it up over the chatter of the crowd. “Sorry. I was just going. Don’t need to tell me to.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Karkat, why do you come to our shows? You haven’t been like- like Serket, or any of them. You’ve just been… watching.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Karkat turns, revealing his whole face, and Dave stifles a gasp. His entire left eye is blackened and slightly swollen, and there’s an open cut interweaving with his eyebrow. “I’ve never told you my name.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Your eye!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How do you know my name? Who told you?” Karkat’s one eye is wide, and Dave assumes the other would be, too, had it been less swollen.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I ran into Captor buying cigarettes.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He hurt you?” Karkat asks quickly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No- I asked him your name. He told me.” Dave sets his jaw and shifts his posture. His gaze falls to the ground, but he feels vapid staring at the ground in the middle of a conversation, so he drags it back up to Karkat. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That was stupid. If he hit you-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What difference does it make to you?” Dave said, just a bit too quickly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Karkat opens his mouth, then stops short. “What do I have to do to apologize? I’ve been coming here, and I’ve said I’m sorry, and I bought stuff to help Rose. I’m fucking trying, okay? If you could just open your eyes and stop being a dick for a second, you’d see that!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You fucking-” Dave shouts, but stops himself to lower his voice. A few people are still there, filtering out, and definitely don’t want to see a performer shouting at a member of the audience. “You fucking beat up my friend. I saw you with a knife.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Gamzee’s knife. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Gamzee’s. </span>
  </em>
  <span>I wouldn’t have-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How am I supposed to know that? How am I supposed to feel safe around you when you beat up my friend less than a week ago?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Because! Because if you talked like this to Serket or any of her </span>
  <em>
    <span>psychopath</span>
  </em>
  <span> friends, they’d make sure you never talked again. And you know that. You’ve seen it </span>
  <em>
    <span>unprovoked</span>
  </em>
  <span>, I don’t know how far they’d go if you gave them an actual fucking reason!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dave stares at him, infuriated, because he’s correct. “You’re one of his psychopath friends, Karkat.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Vriska Serket is not my fucking friend.” Karkat answers sourly, almost spitting out the words.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The anger on Dave’s face remains for a few seconds before it fizzles out, dropping into a frown as his eyes flicker across the expanse of Karkat’s bruised eye. “She did that to you?” Karkat nods. Dave frowns deeper. “That eyebrow definitely needs stitches. You didn’t even put a bandaid on it, you fucking idiot. Do you know how many goddamn infections you could get like that? Especially in this sweaty circus tent. The kids brought in here alone must have created a new breed of disease. Just- stay here, okay? I’ll get the FirstAid kit from backstage and I’ll fix you up. Just… don’t go.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Softly, “I won’t.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dave practically runs backstage to find the first aid, guiltily rushing away from Kaye when she congratulates him on a good performance, and not so guiltily rushing away from Kanaya when she undoubtedly comes to reprimand him for getting distracted and missing a queue. Bev tells him to ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>slow down, hotshot!</span>
  </em>
  <span>’ as he jogs past her into his room, grabbing all the equipment he needs and slipping on his shoes. There’s no way he could just bring Karkat back here- the rest of the circus does not have the reluctant tolerance Dave has grown to have for Karkat, and bringing him anywhere nearRose would most likely cause the role-reversal of the century that ends with Karkat needing much more than stitches on his eyebrow. He rushes himself back out, feeling a twinge of relief he didn’t expect when he sees that Karkat hasn’t left.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Come on. Outside. They can’t see me helping you.” Dave says as he passes the other boy, not bothering to stop. He assumes that Karkat follows him as he leaves the tent and loops around to the side. “Here.” He says, pointing to the ground.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I just… sit there?” Karkat asks.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“This is a circus tent in a parking lot, not a fucking day spa. Do you see any benches? Yes, you just sit there.” Dave rolls his eyes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“There are seats in my car.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> getting in your car.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh. Right. You hate me.” Karkat says dryly, his comment seeming halfway between a taunt and genuine apprehension.</span>
  
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t- fucking sit down, Karkat.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Karkat huffs as he sits down, so Dave kneels in front of him to get out the FirstAid. He opens the box and shuffles through it, looking for the tools he’ll need, gloves, and rubbing alcohol. After he puts on the gloves, he covers a needle in the disinfectant to sterilize it, and puts some on a cotton ball to dab on Karkat’s forehead. He hisses when it touches him, but Dave just tells him to shut up. Karkat laughs, and a small smile tugs at Dave’s own lips that he quickly squanders. He begins to suture the wound closed, scolding Karkat whenever he winces or twitches. When he’s finally done, he ties off the thread and cuts it with sterile scissors, then packs everything away.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, Dr. Stri.” Karkat teases as he stands up, reaching his hand down to Dave to help him. Dave does not take his hand, opting to get up on his own.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Call me that again and I’ll give you a cut on your other eyebrow to match. And this time I won’t sew you closed.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Karkat smiles at him. “See you around.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dave smiles back, and this time, he doesn’t fight it. “Bet I will.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sollux Captor had asked to come over. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Okay, this is fine,</span>
  </em>
  <span> Karkat’s mind immediately thought, </span>
  <em>
    <span>He’s just checking in on me. Friends do that to friends who get injured. By other friends. Yeah.</span>
  </em>
  <span> He wasn’t very good at convincing himself everything was fine, and he wasn’t sure how he was supposed to convince Sollux of that, either. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But Karkat said yes. He actually said something that sounded a lot more like an excuse, but based off of the knock on his door, Sollux’s taken it as a yes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He grimaces as soon as Karkat opens the door. “Did you end up going to the doctor? Thothe are clean thtitcheth.” He shakes his head as he lets him in. Clearly no need for a ‘hello’. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nah, I’ve just got steady hands.” His lies slip out easier than he ever would have thought they would, especially to Sollux. Sollux was his friend, and always on his side whenever Vriska or Gamzee liked to pick on him. It was probably out of sympathy, he was probably in a similar position before Karkat joined, but he appreciates it nonetheless.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He looks at him incredulously. “You? Thteady handed? On your own </span>
  <em>
    <span>fathe</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” He rolls his hazel eyes. “Never woulda guessed.” Sollux sits down, closer to Karkat than he could have.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You okay?” After a moment, Sollux looks at him and his every injury as though he wishes just a glance would heal him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” Karkat looks at him back, observing. How when his eyes moved, his eyelashes did, too, and how the corner of his mouth tugs with concern when he frowns at him. How he smelled like smoke and sweat and nothing appetizing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sollux clears his throat, and jumps back, gathering another inch of empty space between them. “A freak athked about you the other day. I wath jutht buying a pack, and he looked at me and athked.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Dave?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He did?” Karkat wishes he didn’t want that. He really did.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Athked your name. Called you ‘the one with the Nubth’.” Sollux shook his head dismissively, pulling what Karkat assumes was the very same pack out of his pocket. Winston’s. His favorite. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sollux offers him one. He accepts it, pulling a lighter out of his pocket. “What did you say? Did he ask anything else?” He says, sounding like he cared a significant amount more than he wanted to let on.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Told him your name, told him not to athk about you. Then he ran like a little rabbit!” Karkat coughs on his own smoke, as if he were twelve again. Sollux tosses the filtered side of the cigarette around with his tongue, left to right. It isn’t necessarily a very intimidating action, but it makes Karkat realize that he would probably be afraid of him, too.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why would you tell him not to ask?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sollux looks at him again, furrowing his brow. Looking at him up and down as though his appearance had changed with the sentence he’d spoken.“Why the fuck would you </span>
  <em>
    <span>want</span>
  </em>
  <span> him to athk?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Karkat says nothing. He couldn’t think of anything he could say that wouldn’t get him in trouble. He just tilts his head and blows smoke the other way, the other boy being in such close space that he’d get smoke in his eyes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t do anything thtupid, KK.” Sollux says softly, putting a hand on his shoulder, arm bent at a slightly awkward angle due to the distance (or lack thereof).</span>
</p><p> </p><p><span>“Sol, I think we’re both</span> <span>stupid,” Karkat winces. He laughs so hard smoke comes out of his nose. Sollux smiles a moment after, chuckling softly.</span></p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sollux looks up at him after a moment with something more than laughter in his eyes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Karkat looks away. </span>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Gamzee Makara has his feet up on Karkat’s coffee table. Sure, it isn’t a nice coffee table, and Gamzee isn’t ruining it or anything, but Karkat just wants to kick his legs off the table and tell him to fuck off. Sollux is sitting on the couch, too, except he has his feet on the ground, because Sollux has been invited to Karkat’s apartment before and knows that if he puts his feet up on the fucking table, Karkat would strangle him. Gamzee has never been invited. He invited himself.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Move this bag.” Gamzee tells Sollux. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sollux huffs, picks up the bag, and chucks it at Gamzee. “Don’t tell me what to do!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll do what I want.” The taller one replies, flipping Sollux off with a sneer. “What in the motherfuck is this?” He’s pulling something out of the bed- a black and red flier with a decorated elephant printed on it, despite there being no animals in the circus, and the names of the performers displayed at the bottom.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“A flier… for the circus.” Karkat answers weakly, because there’s no point in lying. It’s right there in Gamzee’s hand. Sollux is completely bug-eyed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Vriska was fucking right.” Gamzee laughed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What did Vriska say about me?” Karkat asks, tightening his fists. The overcoming desire to hit Gamzee grows with every second.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That you like humans. You’re a disgusting traitor.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Karkat’s eyes widened. “She’s just mad that I make sweet love to her ugly lusus every night.” He counters as fast as possible, trying his best to remain calm.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t be groth.” Sollux instantly says. “Besides, Karkat and I went together. We thtole popcorn from the boogery little thit with all the thnackth, and then we left. You calling me a traitor?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That’s… a lie. Sollux flat out lied. Neither of them had stolen from the Mayor- in fact, Karkat had actively given the Mayor more money than necessary, and then they ate all the popcorn without causing a problem. Sollux still is looking at Gamzee with a challenging look in his eye, to which Gamzee is glaring back at.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Should I call Vriska and let her know you’re accusing me of sucking dick? Are you fucking suicidal?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Gamzee finally relents, throwing his hands up. “I’m just fucking with you two.” He says, but still rips the flier in half. “Why’d you keep the paper?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sollux looks at Karkat. Doesn’t have a lie for that, he supposes. “I dunno. Shoved it in my bag. Didn’t think it would be a big fucking deal.” He stands up from him spot on the couch and simultaneously snatches the now ripped flier from Gamzee’s stupid hands, bringing them to the trash and tossing them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re fucking odd, Vantas.” Gamzee says, narrowing his eyes. Karkat feels a lump in his throat.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Gamzee. Let’th go. I need more Winthton’th.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Gamzee looks to Sollux and sighs, standing up. That was also a lie. Sollux got a pack just yesterday, when he saw Dave.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“See you later, Sollux. Fuck you, Gamzee.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, yeah. Bye.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>_____</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Karkat parks his truck and starts walking toward the circus tent (reasonably, it’s the last place he should be at.) after dark on a Wednesday night. The asphalt underneath his feet is just a bit wet from the rain this morning- more of a sprinkle than anything else. He let the damp blacktop crunching underneath his feet play white noise for his thoughts.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The tent’s only a few feet away,</span>
  </em>
  <span> And, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Why am I here,</span>
  </em>
  <span> and, </span>
  <em>
    <span>How am I supposed to get in,</span>
  </em>
  <span> and more importantly, </span>
  <em>
    <span>How do I get Dave’s attention?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He shakes out his shoulders, as though it will rid him of the guilt he feels at coming back. Gamzee wouldn’t be so nice next time and he knew it, but he couldn’t go anywhere else. Maybe he’d come back to Karkat’s apartment and decide he wasn’t going to wait for him to make another mistake. He doesn’t think Karkat’s stupid enough to go back to the circus.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He definitely is. He pokes his head through the flaps, making up a plan as he goes along. Then he saw the kid that was with Dave at the theater, sweeping up popcorn with a very small broom.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Psst! Hey, kid! Over here!” And </span>
  <em>
    <span>god</span>
  </em>
  <span>, does Karkat feel like he’s about to… sell drugs to this kid, or maybe steal him or something. </span>
  <em>
    <span>There was definitely a better way to say that.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The kid takes a few steps towards him, only setting down the dustpan. “The circus is closed,” He said, as if Karkat couldn’t tell by the blatantly shut flaps.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know. You were the kid that went to the theater with Dave, right?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The boy nods. “How do you know him?” He pauses. “Hey, I know you!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Karkat winces. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Shit.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re the guy that was teasing Dave at the movies!” He holds the broom like it’s a sword. “Don’t come in! I’ll hurt you! And I’ll call John, and he’ll kick your can!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Karkat rushes in. “No, no, no, buddy, don’t call them, I’m just here to talk to Dave, you can stay right here if you want, to make sure I don’t cause any problems, you can call Kanaya and John if I do, just please let me talk to Dave first-” Karkat rambles, tripping over words to make sure he doesn’t swear in front of the little boy.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He takes a step back and drops the broom. “Okay. But’cha gotta pinkie swear you won’t hurt Dave,” He says, leaning in and offering his pinkie, “I think he might go bonkers if he had to rest like Rose does.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Karkat nodded, and accepted his pinkie. The boy ran off, hopefully to go get Dave. He picked up the broom and dustpan, leaning it against the stand.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Karkat?” Dave asks, walking out in sweatpants and a hoodie. He hadn’t taken off the makeup yet, and Karkat swears he’s blinded for a moment.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. Hi, Dave.” He says, unaware of what excuse he’s about to give.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“ You shouldn’t be here. Somebody could have seen you!” Dave snarls, with an undertone of concern. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Someone did see me.” Karkat comments, pointing off-handedly to the Mayor.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He lowers his voice. “You’re not helping your case.” Then he turns to the small kid with a smile. “Keep this a secret, okay? Go tell Kanaya that I’m going out on a walk.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“A secret?” the Mayor whispers.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Like a secret agent.” Dave nods, and Karkat follows, crossing his arms and trying to look like he’s some sort of important person that people keep secrets for.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Mayor runs off to go tell Kanaya.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Karkat and Dave begin to walk out of the tent together, Dave keeping a minor yet noticeable distance from his counterpart. “You better have a good reason for being here. You could have gotten your ass kicked. By circus clowns. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Human</span>
  </em>
  <span> circus clowns.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I…” Karkat’s voice trailed off, unsure what to say. He could lie and just say something about being bored, but lying to Dave doesn’t seem right. To be honest, he doesn't know why he’s here. The entire gang is suspicious of him, but thanks to Sollux, he’s in no real trouble. “I don’t like my friends.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think the people you consider your friends are actually your friends,” Dave walks by the side of the tent with Karkat, subconsciously following Karkat to the parking lot without thinking about where they’re headed to. “What are we doing? Where are we even </span>
  <em>
    <span>going</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” Dave spins and looks at him, and Karkat didn’t know moonlight could reflect so brightly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We could get something to eat? I don’t think I’ve had dinner yet.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dave scoffs. “You’re a disaster, Kar. It’s past ten,” He starts walking to the sidewalk. In his slippers, Karkat notes. “I have to be back here by midnight, and not a minute later. Kanaya will hunt my ass down if I’m late.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m parked over there,” He says, tossing a thumb behind him to the solitary car in the small parking lot.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dave’s arms stiffen in his hoodie pocket. He looks at the truck for a few moments, then back at Karkat with a bit of defeat in his eyes. “You’d better be a fucking fantastic driver, or I will hop out the window.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Karkat smiles widely. “Not even close. I’m the absolute worst. Buckle up, Dave, this will either be the </span>
  <em>
    <span>funnest</span>
  </em>
  <span> ride of your life- or the shortest!” He yells, hopping into the truck.</span>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><span>Karkat and Dave had decided on a twenty-four hour diner that was only a couple of blocks away. </span> <span>The food was greasy, shitty, human food, but it filled Karkat up, and Dave hadn’t had anything that wasn’t strictly healthy in a very long time. </span></p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After they had fought over who was going to pay, (Karkat did. Dave left his wallet in the tent.), they were on their way back. This drive was comparatively quiet. Karkat has one hand on the wheel and another out the window, and Dave’s resting his forehead on the chilled glass.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” Karkat says once they pull in, elbowing the other man. The parking lot is completely empty other than a platinum blonde head of hair walking out of it, so Karkat isn’t sure if that person counts, anyway. “We’re here.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dave looks up at him. “Right. Thank you,” He says, unbuckling. “I’m sorry that I couldn’t have split the bill, I could go grab my wallet, or- </span>
  <em>
    <span>oh</span>
  </em>
  <span>, you know what? I’ll have Jane let you in for free next time.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Karkat grins. “What makes you say there’s gonna be a next time?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dave’s ears tinge pink. “Wh-no, you don’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>have</span>
  </em>
  <span> to come again, I was just saying that if you happened to, I mean I’m not opposed or anything, but-“</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Karkat drops his hands, and puts one on Dave’s seat. “I think I’m free tomorrow night. The gang’s got me doing shit all day tomorrow.” He turned off the engine with his free hand.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why do you hang out with them?” Dave asked, all in one breath. He has his hands folded in his lap, and he had a better posture than Karkat ever would.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Karkat glances away. “They help me out, so I guess I could blame it on that, but I think it more comes down to the fact that… I’m just like them, at the end of the day.” His stomach knots and he clears his throat, looking down and away from Dave. He knows that, fundamentally, he’s as bad of a person as the others. The only difference is that he doesn’t relish in it. But it doesn’t change the fact that he had just given in and followed Vriska’s malicious orders just like the rest of them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Karkat’s hand brushes against Dave’s shoulder when he shifts to face Karkat. “You aren’t as bad as you think you are, Vantas.” His stare bores holes into Karkat, even through his shades, forcing him to look up at the smaller boy instead of staring at the floor and wallowing. His eyes look so kind that, for a moment, he wants to believe him. Wants to believe that he’s good, that he can change, that he isn’t garbage like the rest of them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Instead, he shakes his head. “You’re wrong.” He knows he isn’t. He knows that because Dave’s friends don’t know where he is right now. He knows that because if he asked Dave if he could meet them, he’d say no. He knows that because no matter what Dave says, he’s ashamed to be hanging out with him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Karkat would be, too.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Dave scans him, looking up and down and everywhere else. He opens the door and jumps, just a bit too small for the truck’s frame. Dave looks at him one more time, and Karkat feels like he gets hit again, somehow, at just how he looks in the moonlight.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Goodnight, Karkat.” He closes the door before he has a chance to say it back.</span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>there have been a lot of complications posting this i hope it worked LMAO</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The satisfying thing about silks to Dave is that it can be whatever he wants it to be- it’s dangerous, it’s fun- but right now, it’s a chair. Dave had tied a simple knot into his silks and was seated on it, next to Rose on the lyra, while the rest of the circus was gathered around in a deformed circle of chatter.</p><p><br/>“So,” John says, pulling up rope and circling it over his palm and around his elbow into neat loops. “Are you excited to start performing again, Rose?”</p><p><br/>Rose’s eyes lit up at the question, and you could tell she’d been dying to hear it. “Yes.” She says with a big breath, as though she’d been suffocating until now. “I’m just worried I’m going to be too out of practice for tomorrow.”</p><p><br/>“Nah, I wouldn’t worry about it, Rose. You’re a wonder on that thing. It didn’t take you long to get this set down.” Kanaya says, looking up at her with a grin. Rose smiles back, her face just a bit brighter.  </p><p><br/>“You’re really very skilled, Rose. I’m glad you’re back. You look happier already.” Janenotes from Roxy’s lap, a polished hand carding softly through his hair. She fits perfectly there, as though it’s where she always belonged. As though there were only enough negative space for her in his lap and in his arms, and every other girl couldn’t fill that up in quite the same way. It was a bond that was rare, and not just for the couple. Kanaya and Terezi, for example. They had underwhelming positives, mostly filled with static shoved in where it shouldn’t be.</p><p><br/>“I’m glad to be back, Janey. I don’t think a single one of you could stand being in the same room for that long. Especially you, Dave, with your attention span.”</p><p><br/>Dave frowns at him. “Hey!” He tries to playfully smack her, but misses all together. He was too far away. “Mayor, get ‘em for me!” He encourages, watching the little boy fail to even brush the woman as she climbs higher. John pulls him back and sits him on his lap.</p><p><br/>“Using a child to do your dirty work?” Rose tuts from above. “Shame on you, Dave.”</p><p><br/>“Hypocrite! How many times did you have him get shit for you, even after you were totally capable of getting it yourself?” Dave yells up at him, like always. Whenever they got into arguments, Rose always had age on her side, making Dave feel a tad too much like a toddler.</p><p><br/>“But, Dave, I was bedridden. I couldn’t help it.” She says dramatically, dropping upside down so she looked like a damsel in distress, complete with a gentle wrist over the forehead. Kanaya laughed. Roxy just smiled and shook his head.</p><p><br/>“Which is why you had me ask Kanaya here at least seven times a day to perform?” Dave says flatly. the Mayor giggles, putting a hand over his mouth.</p><p><br/>“Oh, hush.” Terezi teases, but the only one left smiling as Rose furrows her brow at her, pulling himself back up into a sitting position.</p><p><br/>He rolls his eyes when Terezi decides to seat herself onto Kanaya’s lap, looking just a bit too smug for Dave’s taste. Kanaya, notably, does not wrap around her immediately, stiffening her back as she sits. Rose glances away, focusing instead on finding another way to sit. Dave couldn’t describe it; it isn’t like Kanaya hasn’t had girlfriends before- she’s had several. Most of them probably not even girlfriends, just girls. Or friends. Kanaya was social, she made friends with every kind of person no matter where they went. Terezi was different. They averted their gazes around her, they shifted their stances. Nothing was inherently wrong, exactly. Just… off-kilter.</p><p><br/>Their relationship remains behind closed doors, because they both know that while Terezi isn’t just a friend, she couldn’t claim to be much more than that, either. Regardless, she took what she could. Stealing her glances, brushing her skin, sitting on her lap. She has her attention, and she pauses everything else.</p><p><br/>And yet, she always unpauses before long.</p><p><br/>“Actually, Terezi, I’m a bit hot, could you…” Kanaya says, pushing her sleeves up her arms. Her woolen sweater sleeves, which she really could have just removed.</p><p><br/>“Oh. Sure.” She says, standing up and dragging a hand through her hair. “I just came to mention, I got us a few nights on the other side of town so we don’t have to go all the way out to Bangor until next month. See you backstage, Kanaya?”</p><p><br/>She blushes green a bit, then it goes away as though she had just flipped a switch. She looks up for half of a second, and then nods. “S-sure, Rez.”</p><p><br/>Dave is pretty sure the Mayor actually exhales when she leaves.</p><p><br/>“Hey, Janey, wanna go fold more ory-gammy flowers?” He asks, to which she obviously nods.</p><p><br/>“Of course, Mayor! Can Roxy come, too?” She asks sweetly.</p><p><br/>He looks at Roxy like he was an obstacle. Then sighs. “Sure, I guess.” He grabs her hand and drags her away, leaving Roxy to catch up on his own.</p><p><br/>John looks at Dave with an armful of assorted tools and items that were just laying around. “The Mayor’s totally got a crush on her, right?”</p><p><br/>Elliot and Kaye (tangled together in such a way you couldn’t be quite sure who was on whose lap) nodded fervently, knocking heads and sending Kaye into a fit of giggles. Dave grins. “Oh, definitely.”</p><p><br/>John smiles at him and shrugs his shoulders. “I’m gonna go put all of this away.”</p><p><br/>Dave salutes him off, then he looks down at Kanaya, noting how she had hardly moved since Terezi left, and how her stare was fixated on some point in the air. Dave hopped off of his silks and began to untie the knot.</p><p><br/>“I should probably…” Kanaya says up to Rose, as though she was owed an explanation.</p><p><br/>“Terezi. Yeah.” Rose says cooly, looking over her head. Kanaya left the room, leaving just Dave and Rose.</p><p><br/>______</p><p><br/>Rose is still casually seated on her lyra, hands holding onto the bar above her head and looking down at Dave, who’s cross-legged on the ground in front of her. Rose kicks her feet towards Dave’s face, and as a result, she is swatted away. The lyra begins to turn slowly.</p><p><br/>“Stop me, Dave!” Rose pouts as she begins to face away. Instead of helping, Dave leans forwards, grabs Rose’s foot, and begins to spin her faster, to Rose’s dismay. Rose curses and hops down, narrowly dodging the still-spinning apparatus with a side step. “I missed being on that hell-hoop.”</p><p><br/>“You sound like you really love it.” Dave points out.</p><p><br/>“I do.” Rose sighs, looking lovingly at the lyra. “Every rip and blister I get from this thing I’ve learned to adore.” She goes to lean her head on it like it was a stuffed animal she was cuddling, but her head knocks into the metal and she winces. “Ouch.”</p><p><br/>“Is that an injury? Might even be a concussion,” Dave feigns a gasp and sighs, shaking his head. ”Looks like you can’t perform tonight.”</p><p><br/>“Shut the fuck up. Don’t even joke about that.” She pulls herself back into a seated position on the lyra, then sends her legs back over her head and over the top of the lyra so she’s hanging by her knees. Dave reaches out and turns Rose around to face him with a grin. “This is my natural habitat. I should have been born a monkey.”</p><p><br/>“You look like you were born a monkey. And anyway, you like birds.” Dave counters. As it were an answer, Rose comes down from her knee hang and begins to push herself into a Birdie position.</p><p><br/>“Birds don’t have opposable thumbs,”Rose huffs, ignoring his comment and wiggling her thumbs without letting go. “And therefore cannot do lyra.”</p><p><br/>“You have opposable thumbs! You don’t even need to be a monkey!”</p><p><br/>“Yeah, well, I don’t think the Serket gang would beat up a monkey and call it a disgusting human.” In a fluid motion, Rose readjusts her grip and rolls forward, dropping so only one leg is hooked across the bottom of the hoop and then dismounting back to the floor. “I hate those guys.”</p><p><br/>Like a punch to the face, Dave is winded by the thought of a boy with a mop of black hair paying for his dinner, of a lopsided smile grinning at him as he stitches his forehead, of a light touch of a hand on his shoulder, of lips that stay chapped because he thinks that chapstick is girly. He’s surprised to find the thought of it makes his chest hurt. “They’re not that bad.” He says without thinking, and immediately regrets it.</p><p><br/>Rose blinks at him, like she’s stunned. “What?” Is all she says, but her tone is filled with hurt.</p><p><br/>Dave quickly tries to amend. “I just mean- they’re not just some soulless, vapid assholes, they’re people too.” He stammers out. “Like- I don’t know- they have families and stuff, probably?” He says, ending it more like a question than he intends.</p><p><br/>“They cornered me in an alleyway and tried to kill me, Dave.”</p><p><br/>“They didn’t try to kill you-”</p><p><br/>“Why are you defending them?” Rose spits, and Dave’s jaw goes tight. “You’ve been acting so fucking weird recently.”</p><p><br/>“I’m- no- you’re-”</p><p><br/>“They don’t deserve your sympathy. They’re horrible people.” Rose stares Dave up and down and leaves without another word. “I need to practice. You have to go. You’re distracting me.”</p><p><br/>Dave nods and takes himself backstage to his room, flopping down onto his bed with a sigh and looking to the ceiling; he hits his palm to his forehead. “Stupid. Stupid.” He mutters. When Rose had mentioned the gang, nobody crossed Dave’s mine except for Karkat. For a moment, he was all there was. All Dave could think about was how Karkat’s hair fell in his eyes, or how his shirt stretched over his chest when he would take his jacket off. And now he’s thinking about it again, and his heart is racing.</p><p><br/>Why is his heart racing?</p><p><br/>Probably because Rose is mad at him. Rose is hardly ever mad at him, but only a few minutes ago she had looked at him with such disgust that Dave wanted to wither on the spot. With a sinking feeling, Dave realizes that he’ll never be able to hang out with Karkat and the others in the circus together. Karkat won’t get to meet his friends, because they hate him, and they’d all hate Dave for hanging out with him.</p><p><br/>Karkat is a secret, that’s for sure. Dave can’t fathom why he’d do this sort of sabotage to himself, but the only explanation that he could think of was how Karkat had said “You’re wrong”, and how the first thing Dave thought was “I wish you could see just how right I am”, and with that, he knows with complete certainty that abandoning his friendship with Karkat isn’t an option.</p><p><br/>_____</p><p><br/>Dave starts sorting through his laundry with absolutely no intention to clean.</p><p><br/>He starts pulling out every pair of sweatpants he’d worn in the past week, digging through the pockets until he finds what he’s looking for- a note in smudged handwriting. The pen Karkat used smudged out his address, clearly stating that Karkat was left-handed, and also a dumbass. He should have used a felt tip, Dave thinks, shoving the rest of his laundry in the basket and standing up. Gel pens smear too much. Dave grabs two coins on his way out.</p><p><br/>Dave walks out of the tent, luckily uninterrupted by any members of the circus. Halfway to a payphone, he clicks the coins together in his pocket. He pulls the paper out of his pocket, inserts a dime, and dials the number. He picks up after three rings.</p><p><br/>“Yeah?” Karkat’s voice is slightly muffled from the phone, but it is still his, and it’s still there, and it calms Dave’s breathing, just a bit.</p><p><br/>“Is that how you answer the phone? When your mother calls, she just hears you groan a ‘yeah’ into the phone? Phone etiquette, Karkat.”</p><p><br/>He could practically hear the smile past the growl in Karkat’s voice. “Dave! You know trolls don’t have fucking mothers, right?”</p><p><br/>Dave sighs. “Can I come over? Are you busy?”</p><p><br/>“Not at all. Do you need a ride?”</p><p><br/>Dave caught himself about to shake his head, too. “No. I’ll be there in twenty.”</p><p><br/>“See you soon.”</p><p><br/>Dave waits until he hears the soft click from the other end to set down the phone, and starts making his way.</p><p>_____</p><p> </p><p><br/>He stands on Karkat’s faded welcome mat (something most of the neighbors neglected to get) as he knocks on the door, the unmistakable smell of cigarettes, sopor slime and bad habits piercing Dave as though he needed a reminder of what kind of person Karkat was.</p><p><br/>Karkat swings the door open, a few fangs brushing past his bottom lip. He supposed it was passable for a smile.“Come in, I guess.”</p><p><br/>“Don’t be an asshole.” Dave says, elbowing him as he walks by and pretending not to smile.</p><p><br/>Karkat’s apartment is small, but charming, in a strange way. The couch smells like nicotine and tar, but it’s the most comfortable thing he’s sat on all day. The end table was scuffed, the carpet just a bit torn, but it all matched- ragged, but somehow kind of magnetizing, like a dog with three legs.</p><p><br/>Karkat falls down onto the couch, an unlit cigarette sitting in the corner of his mouth. He grins, the cigarette only further exaggerating just how wide the corners of his mouth spread. “What brings you here, Dave? Missed me?”</p><p><br/>Dave tinges red. “Oh, you wish, fuckass.” He teases, taking the cigarette out of his mouth and holding it behind him. “You know how bad these things are for you, right? No trollian girl’s gonna kiss you if your mouth smells like that and your fangs rot out of your gums.”</p><p><br/>“Good,” Karkat says decisively, “I’m not going after girls in the plural- I’ve got the girl of my dreams already, Mrs. Strider.”</p><p><br/>Dave looks at him with annoyance for just a moment too long. Karkat uses that time to snatch the stick out of his hand, popping it in his mouth and smirking at him with a smug look in his over-sized eyes as he lights it.</p><p><br/>Dave drops his smile and rubs his hands on his face. “Oh, Karkat. What am I going to do with you?”</p><p><br/>He takes a drag before answering. “Tell me what’s going on.”</p><p><br/>Dave shook his head. “Nothing major, it just put off my mood.”</p><p><br/>Smoke floats up whenever Karkat opens his mouth, and it’s almost pretty in the right lighting. “C’mon,  please?”</p><p><br/>Dave watches the smoke bounce off the ceiling.“I don’t feel like getting into specifics. I came to you so I wouldn’t focus on it, Kar.”</p><p><br/>Karkat nods and then furrowed his brows at him as if he could solve the problem by just looking at him. “I know what you need.”</p><p><br/>“What, a cigarette? No fucking way.” Dave says with his eyes wide.</p><p><br/>“I was going to say a walk, Dave, but if you insist-“</p><p><br/>Dave practically jumped to shove his hands over Karkat’s wide mouth. “No, no, no- a walk sounds perfect.”</p><p>_____</p><p> </p><p>Karkat, Dave has decided, is about as mentally mature as the Mayor, if not less. He decides this the moment his friend sees an ice cream truck and drags Dave towards it.</p><p><br/>“Karkat!” Dave groans, trailing behind him with his wrist captured in his hand. “Nobody’s even in there!”</p><p><br/>“Exactly.” Karkat responds.</p><p><br/>“We are not breaking into an ice cream truck.”</p><p><br/>Karkat just turns him hims and smirks before his hand dips into his pocket and produces a key. He walks to the back doors of the truck and unlocks the door, shooting back a small grin at Dave before jumping up into it and sticking his arm out. “Not an ice cream truck. My ice cream truck.”</p><p><br/>“No way.” Dave laughs and takes Karkat’s hand, trying not to gawk at how easily he’s able to tug Dave up. He stumbles, but a firm hand on his shoulder stabilizes him before he can have the chance to fall out of the truck onto his ass. “Serket doesn’t kick your ass for this?” He laughs incredulously, leaning back onto a freezer filled with less ice cream than an ice cream truck should probably have.</p><p><br/>Karkat’s smile falters, but Dave doesn’t have time to ask what’s wrong before Karkat fixes it. “No. It’s a front. I sell ice cream, but it’s mostly for sopor slime.” Dave jumps, standing straight up and off the freezer like it suddenly had turned to hot coals.</p><p><br/>“Doesn’t the government give that stuff to you already? That’s illegal, right?”</p><p><br/>“Really?” Karkat quirks up an eyebrow. “I didn’t know.”</p><p><br/>“I don’t agree with your lifestyle choices.”</p><p><br/>“Do you want to pay my bills for me, then?” He shrugs nonchalantly. “Plus, I like it. The kids are cute,” He pauses. “The kids get the ice cream. I don’t sell drugs to kids.”</p><p><br/>If Karkat were anyone else, Dave would say fuck it. Join the circus. Because Karkat is funny and kind and absolutely unlike the people he associates with, yet Dave knows he can’t do this. Instead, he turns around and takes a rocket pop from the freezer and unwraps it, offhandedly commenting that he’s not going to pay for it. Karkat shrugs, probably because he didn’t expect Dave to.</p><p> </p><p>Karkat has never seen Sollux eat a rocket pop. He doesn’t know why he’s thinking that, but he is. He actually hasn’t seen anyone eat one recently, except for the little kids that end up buying things. Karkat’s found that selling ice cream is actually pretty profitable, too, paired with the sopor slime, and he wouldn’t be able to handle the frowns on kids faces if he had to tell them he was “out of ice cream”.</p><p><br/>Dave mentions not paying for the popsicle, and Karkat assures him he doesn’t have to. After that, Dave hops up onto the freezer and sits on the lid, kicking his legs against it with a soft thump every time they make contact. “I got in a fight with Rose.” Dave mentions quietly.</p><p><br/>“What was it about?” Karkat asks, though he has a feeling he knows the answer by the way Dave’s eyes trail to the ground, anywhere but to Karkat’s own gaze. He crosses his arms over his chest and sighs, looking at his sad friend. Karkat causes nothing but problems for Dave. Their first interaction had only been because Karkat had gotten hurt, and Dave had to fix up his messes. And now Dave is fighting with his best friend over Karkat- a fight he shouldn’t be having, because why would Dave be fighting for him?</p><p><br/>The shorter boy shrugs, ignoring the question and instead skipping over it. “It sucks. She’s my best friend and fighting with her- I feel like I can’t breathe.” Then he frowns.</p><p><br/>He could have been up front, at least, Karkat thinks with a sting. “I don’t want to be causing you problems with Rose. I know she means a lot to you.”</p><p><br/>“You mean-” Dave pauses. “You mean… you don’t want to be friends with me anymore?”</p><p><br/>Karkat frowns. “That’s not what I meant. I like hanging out with you. You’re the least assholish person I know.”</p><p><br/>“That isn’t hard.”</p><p><br/>“It’s not.” Karkat agrees. “But still. You don’t have to feel obligated to hang out with me. I don’t need your pity.”</p><p><br/>“I hang out with you because you’re nice to me. That’s how friendship works,” Dave taps the top of the freezer next to him, signalling for Karkat to sit down. He obliges. “I didn’t tell you I got into a fight with Rose because I want you to fuck off, I told you that because you’re my friend. Friends help each other.”</p><p><br/>“Yeah, I’ll go knock some sense into her for you, then.” He quips.</p><p><br/>Dave breaks out into a grin and shoulders Karkat with a laugh, despite the words out of his mouth being, “Not funny!”</p><p><br/>“Well, I’m sorry about your fight, then.” Karkat sighs. “I’d offer you a complimentary popsicle, but…”</p><p><br/>“I’ll have a second.”</p><p><br/>“Have a second, then.”</p><p><br/>“Move your ass off, then.” Dave hops off the freezer.</p><p><br/>“My ass is the main ingredient, actually.”</p><p><br/>“Shut the fuck up, Karkat.”</p><p><br/>Karkat sticks his gray tongue out and gets off of the freezer, opening it up and grabbing an ice cream sandwich for Dave and handing it to him. He closes the freezer back up, but this time, Dave doesn’t sit back down. Instead, he starts looking around the truck, his fingers grazing over anything in reach. Anything he shouldn’t be touching is all locked away, so Karkat allows his friend to look around until he stops at the wall of the truck just behind the driver’s seat. On the wall is an area where Karkat puts pictures, papers, reminders, and such- taped to it is a picture of his lusus and him when he was little, a few sticky notes to remind him of any dates or orders he didn’t want to forget, and some stickers of fire trucks he got from a little boy as a thank you for the ice cream. Dave looks entranced, though, so Karkat steps over to see what he’s looking at.</p><p><br/>He had forgotten he had taped up a circus flier there.</p><p><br/>“You kept one of these?” Dave asks with a small tug on the corners of his mouth.</p><p><br/>“Two.” Karkat corrects, and immediately feels embarrassed. “After you asked my name, and you said-”</p><p><br/>“That you should’ve checked the flier.” Dave laughs, his finger swiping across the title, ‘The Losers’ Circus’ and then down to his own name, printed neatly under Rose’s. Then his finger drops, and so does his smile. “The circus is moving, Karks. Soon.” He says, still looking at the flier and not at Karkat.</p><p><br/>“What?” Karkat asks dumbly.</p><p><br/>Dave shakes his head, blinks a few times, and his smile returns. “Not far. This is a pretty big city, so we’ll just be on the other side. Twenty five minutes away, probably.”</p><p><br/>“Oh!” Karkat’s somber expression immediately cools to a happier one. “The way you said it made it sounder like you were fucking off to Florida, or something. Tryna shake me off, Dave?”</p><p><br/>“You wish, Karkles.”</p><p><br/>The troll’s face immediately turns sour. “Do not fucking call me that!”</p><p><br/>“I can call you whatever I like.”</p><p><br/>“Nuh-uh, David-”</p><p><br/>“If I put it on the flier, it’s official!” Dave decides, smiling widely. He grabs a bright green marker from the cupholder and walks up to the flier.</p><p>“No! That’s graffiti!” Karkat calls out, clapping his hand down on top of the flier so Dave can’t write his name.</p><p><br/>This doesn’t stop Dave who just draws on Karkat’s hand. “It’s a piece of paper, not a building!” Upon the green marker being smudged across his skin, Karkat pulls back with a yelp, shouting about how he doesn’t want ink poisoning. “Give me the marker! You can’t be trusted!”</p><p><br/>“Oh, yeah, Karkles?” Dave quirks up an eyebrow. He holds it up above his head. “Come and get it.”</p><p><br/>“Fuck you!”</p><p><br/>_____</p><p><br/>Popcorn bags were something the circus never seemed to run out of, the supply seemingly enough to support the snack demand as well as the demand for… origami paper. When Dave first joined, he wondered why Kanaya let him use so many. Then, the first time the Mayor invited him, he understood exactly why- The way the caprician’s eyes lit up, and how he was just so excited to show whoever his newest fold was a priceless sight that never, ever got old. Which is why Dave almost never left the Mayor on Sundays.</p><p><br/>“Dave!” the Mayor calls from outside of his room. “Wanna come fold? Kanaya taught me how to make a boat! I wanna show you!”</p><p><br/>Dave smiles against his pillow. “ ’Course, buddy, let me just get dressed, alright?” He’s facing the wrong way, but he knows that the Mayor smiles as he runs off.</p><p><br/>He stands up to make his bed after putting on his sunglasses, stopping suddenly when he sees his hand. Shit, he thought, looking around as though someone were there to yell at him, I never washed Karkat’s marker off. He sees a pack of wipes on his dresser out of the corner of his eye and almost lunges for them, pulling one out and vigorously wiping his hand, taking off the green as though it’d fix that he was with him last night. As though it’d fix who he was with last night.</p><p><br/>Most of the green comes off, but a patch of his skin is left slightly raw. Dave decides that would be easier to explain than green swipes of ink, so he pulls a hoodie on and walks out of the room, stretching the sleeve over his hand.</p><p><br/>“So, first, you fold it in half…” Another cute thing about the Mayor folding origami was that in order for him to concentrate, he had to put on his ‘concentrating face’. The aforementioned appearance consisted of his left eye screwed shut and his tongue peeking out, creating an impossibly adorable look that every member of the circus would lay down their life for. Kanaya laughs, placing a hand on the Mayor’s shoulder. “Then… you fold this corner, right?” the Mayor asks, dropping the face and looking up at Kanaya. “Dave!” He yells, seeing Dave before he sees Kanaya’s nod of confirmation, standing up and grabbing paper as she does.</p><p><br/>“Look, look, I made a boat! Kanaya’s just making sure I remembered how to do it, and Janey is learning, too!” the Mayor leans in close and motioned for Dave to do the same. He puts a hand around Dave’s ear and whispers to him, “And she says I’m real impressive!”</p><p><br/>Dave stands up and smiles at him. “More impressive than Roxy?” He teases.</p><p><br/>The Mayor nods.  “I hope so!”</p><p><br/>He beams down at him and starts to walk to the table where everyone was seated, surrounded by discarded and folded red-and-white striped bags. Kanaya looks up at him and mouths, Can we talk later?</p><p><br/>Dave furrows his brows, wondering what for, but nods anyway. Then he turns to Jane, who is laboring over what will soon be a perfectly boat-shaped bag.“Will you catch me up, Jay?”</p><p><br/>She grins, white teeth covered by round red lips. “I’d be honored,” She says dramatically, and Dave is sure that’s the same tone she used when she told the Mayor he was so impressive. She leans in closer and hands him a piece of paper, instructing him on the first couple of folds.</p><p><br/>“Looks like Roxy’s got some competition, huh?” Dave says under his breath, sure that only Jane will hear him. He sees her giggle and shake her head.</p><p><br/>“He’s going to have to step up his game.” She says quietly, polished nails creasing the bag.</p><p><br/>“Paper boats are much more of a sustainable income than our tech crew, right?” Dave agrees, taking the boat-to-be from her once she’s done.</p><p><br/>She rolls her eyes and snorts. “Yeah, because I’m only dating Roxy for his money.” She says sarcastically, bumping her shoulder into Dave.</p><p><br/>“And then, you’re gonna tuck this corner in.” the Mayor says loudly.</p><p><br/>Kanaya leans in and whispers something to him.</p><p><br/>“Oh, no, you’re gonna tuck this corner in,” he says, rotating the paper to the complete opposite side.</p><p><br/>Jane and Dave did as instructed until they each had a boat of their own. Her’s was perfect (surprise, surprise,) and Dave’s was…. neat-ish, rumpled a touch around the corners.</p><p><br/>Dave looked down at his watch. Eleven forty-two. Shit. the Mayor and Kanaya were saying something about wax and water, but he wasn’t paying attention. He stood up, pushing his sleeve over his wrist.</p><p><br/>“Dave? Where’re you goin’? We didn’t even make them water-proof yet, you can’t use it without ruining it!” the Mayor says, looking up at him with his head tilted to the side.</p><p><br/>“It’s okay, bud, how about you just do it for me, and we’ll play later.” Dave says, grabbing his boat and pushing it towards the Mayor.</p><p><br/>“Later?” Jane asked with just as much confusion in her voice as the Mayor had, “Where are you going now?”</p><p><br/>Dave shook his head. “Just… out. To grab something.” He couldn’t believe he was lying to Jane- and so easily, too, just to see Karkat again. The rainbow drinker across from him didn’t look impressed.</p><p><br/>“You haven’t gone shopping in months.” She points out, her gold and green eyes narrowing more like she’s scrutinizing Dave’s every move. He feels like someone wrote “LIAR” on his forehead in a neon marker.</p><p><br/>Dave blinks. Shit. “I’ve been stressed recently. That’s all.”</p><p><br/>Kanaya stares, considering her statement like a judge. Dave felt like a witness lying under oath. “I still need to talk to you, Dave.” She says carefully.</p><p><br/>Dave’s stomach feels cold. “Yeah. But… later.” He says, and leaves the tent.</p><p>____[</p><p> </p><p>Karkat stepped on the growing pile of cigarette butts that the rest of the Serket gang had considerately tossed in the back of his truck before hopping back up. They were spread around it, Eridan and Vriska sitting on the bed, Feferi standing on a back tire and leaning on the side (Karkat couldn’t help but think about how bad that was for the tire). Gamzee was sitting on the ground, picking apart bugs with his knife, and Karkat and Sollux were sitting on the roof of the truck, their legs hanging over the back window. It wasn’t too late, sunset was only just nearing, but Karkat wishes that it could just hurry up and be midnight already so he could skip the inevitable.</p><p><br/>“Thought you said he went down Jackson street at five, Er.” Vriska said, motioning towards the street sign some feet away from them, and indirectly, at the very empty street.</p><p><br/>“I did. I mean, every other week he has been.” Eridan said cooly, despite the danger he’d be in if he was wrong.</p><p><br/>“It’s a quarter till six, Ampora.” She spit it out like it was a threat. Vriska had a special talent for that- turning simple facts into a reason to make you want to run. Karkat wasn’t sure if it was her tone or her general appearance or her blood, but it always worked.</p><p><br/>“Calm down. Maybe he’s taking so long because he’s bringing his boyfriend with him,” He shot smoke out of the corner of his mouth. “Two for the price of one, right?” Sollux said, and Karkat let out a laugh that sounded so forced he had to pretend it was a cough, just to act calm. God. </p><p><br/>“Yeah,” Vriska said, repeating what Sollux said under his breath. Feferi laughed like it was her joke all along. Everyone else joined in, bar Karkat and Sollux, who gave him a what-can-you-do sort of look, with which he returned with a shrug.</p><p><br/>“Hey!” Gamzee called suddenly, standing up and wiping his knife off on the thigh of his jeans. “He’s motherfuckin’ there.”</p><p><br/>Everyone’s heads swiveled behind him, their gazes landing on one point, Jake English. If Karkat thought of him like that- a point, a target, it was easier to forget he was a man. It was easier to hit a bulls-eye than it was to break a nose.</p><p><br/>“Hey, human!” Vriska called, stopping the point in his tracks. Karkat could see his eyes widen, even from so far. He could see the fight-or-flight reaction fire off in his brain, flickering between the two options.</p><p><br/>He chose wrong. He squared his shoulders and stood up straight, and Karkat wondered  just how much that would bite him in the ass.</p><p><br/>The gang started hopping off the truck and advancing towards Jake. Karkat was a few paces behind, closing the bed of the truck. He felt like an asshole, like a bystander with evil intent. Although he supposed that dehumanizing somebody just to make it easier to hurt them wasn’t exactly something a bystander did- he’s the offender. He’s the problem, and he’s too scared of being the victim to do anything about it.</p><p><br/>“What do you want?” He asked, making fists at his sides and taking shaky breaths.</p><p><br/>The gang was much closer now, within spitting distance of him.</p><p><br/>“To give you a reason to get the fuck out of here,” Gamzee said, making the sickening snapping noise with his knife, opening and closing, again. Feferi cracked her knuckles, and Sollux crushed his cigarette under his foot, and every sound filled Karkat with disgust. It was all he could do to turn that into anger. Anger at Jake English for…</p><p><br/>For what, exactly? What had he done? Who was he?</p><p><br/>Karkat closed his eyes. He’d ask Sollux later. What matters now is that he does his part to stay in the damned gang. Jake’s eyes flicked down, sizing up the men adjacent to him. Karkat stepped forward.</p><p><br/>“You guys are-“ He didn’t let Jake finish before throwing a cross-hit at his jaw. Had he been properly braced, he could have taken the hit with minimal damage, maybe taking a step back. But he didn’t, and he didn’t clench his teeth, and Karkat guessed he’d bitten his tongue. At least.</p><p><br/>Jake hit the ground, taking the impact in his shoulder, the momentum reverberating through his neck. His head thudded against the asphalt of their lot, and Vriska wasted no time kicking him in the chest immediately after, Karkat’s ears filled with thunk, crack, wheeze, each sound disgustingly softened by flesh and blood.</p><p><br/>The men surrounded the figure on the ground, each of them taking a blow at his expense. He heard a clatter, and took a step back to see an inhaler fall by his feet.</p><p><br/>He felt some sort of inhumanity hit him in the chest, and his heart seizes. For just a second, laying on the ground, had been Dave instead of Jake English.</p><p><br/>And then Jake English returns.</p><p><br/>Karkat wipes the grimace from his fangs and kicks the inhaler away.</p><p><br/>_____</p><p><br/>“You missed practice.” Rose says as soon as Dave walks through the tent flaps, and his heart drops. Rose and Kanaya are standding side by side, like they were waiting for this ambush; Dave and Karkat had gotten hot dogs and he ended up squirting relish in Karkat’s hair- he didn’t even think about practice.</p><p><br/>“Oh… god. I’m so sorry. Rose-” Dave tries to explain himself, but he feels too ambushed to properly articulate his words, instead producing a flustered mess.</p><p><br/>“Save it.” Rose sighs, crossing her arms over her chest and looking to the troll next to her. “It’s not me you should be apologizing to.”</p><p><br/>Kanaya clears her throat and steps forward, looking directly at Dave but then averting her gaze. She shuts her eyes tightly, lets out a breath, and opens them. “This isn’t the first time you missed practice. We let it go the other time- assumed you just forgot, but… you’ve been missing cues.”</p><p><br/>“And recovering them!” Dave tries to amend.</p><p><br/>Kanaya glares. “You haven’t been practicing enough and your performance is suffering because of it. Not just your cues. You’ve been sloppy. You’ve been acting strange. Nobody has seen much of you because you’re going out all the time.”</p><p><br/>“Am I not allowed to leave?” Dave asks, glaring through his shades.</p><p><br/>“Of course you’re allowed to leave, Dave. I’d never keep you here against your own will. But you need to step up. Because…”</p><p><br/>“Because what, Kanaya?” Dave asks softly.</p><p><br/>“I’d never keep you here if you were ruining our show, either.”</p><p><br/>Dave feels his world shatter and break. He feels his arms go limp and numb, his head fog up, a wave of heat spreading from his core all the way to his ears. It washes over him and engulfs him in panic, and he feels himself start to sweat. “Kanaya. You don’t- you wouldn’t-” He stammers, feeling helpless. “I don’t have anywhere to go.You found me at a bus station. Please, please-”</p><p><br/>“You don’t have to worry, because it won’t come to that, right?”</p><p><br/>Dave nods vigorously, his chest tight and feeling tears in his eyes. “This is all I have. This is it.”</p><p><br/>Kanaya looks uncomfortable- her arms twitch in the slightest, like she’s about to reach out, but instead she quietly turns on her heel and leaves Dave and Rose alone. There’s a moments silence before anyone speaks.</p><p><br/>“How long did you know she was going to do that?” Dave asks, but receives no response. This time, ice washes through him at the look of Rose’s face. The way her jaw is set, her eyes carefully averted, tells a story Dave wishes he didn’t know Rose well enough to read. “It was your idea, wasn’t it?”</p><p><br/>There’s no verbal answer, yet that’s an answer enough.</p><p><br/>“What’s your fucking damage?” Dave spits, all the fear inside him bubbling up into anger. “Are you trying to ruin my life?”</p><p><br/>“Are you trying to ruin the circus?”</p><p><br/>Dave scoffs. “This is my home, Rose! Just as much as yours! Even if you got here long before me.” Rose had been the third member of the circus, right after Kanaya and the Mayor, as she had been their hometown friend that was lucky enough to catch them leaving at the dead of night and had the guts to come along with him. A human, a caprician, and a rainbow drinker. Quite the beginning to a circus full of misfits. “So I missed two practices! How many have I not missed? Are you so jealous and desperate for someone to like you that not seeing me for a few weeks has you this insecure?”</p><p><br/>Rose’s eyes widened. “Someone to like me?” She asks carefully, as if testing Dave.</p><p><br/>Whatever test it is, Dave passes. Or maybe he fails, depending on what Rose is expecting- nevertheless, he squares his shoulders and responds, “The gang members who handed you your ass certainly didn’t like you very much.”</p><p><br/>Rose jumps. Not backwards, in shock, from the sting of the words, but forwards- Dave feels the pressure against his shoulders first, and then he’s on the ground. Rose is sitting on top of his stomach with her face with such an expression of hurt and betrayal that Dave can’t do anything else other than gasp. Then he feels the slap across his cheek, and he’s knocked back to his senses.</p><p><br/>“Rose! What the hell!” He shouts, trying to grab his friend’s wrists to stop her. This puts them in an awkward struggle with thrashing arms and a lot of grunting.</p><p><br/>“Take it back!” Rose shouts, her voice raw. Dave can see the red in her eyes. “Take it back! Why-” She gasps and shudders and then it’s Jane yanking Rose back, wrapping her arms around her torso and heaving her upwards. Just behind her is the rest of the circus, all coming to see what’s happening and to help.  “Why would you say that?” Rose finishes with a shaky exhale. Dave can see that she’s crying, now, and he’s hit with the daunting realization that he made Rose cry.</p><p><br/>“What did he say?” Kaye asks, holding Elliot’s hand, but Rose just shakes her head.</p><p><br/>“Nothing.” Her voice is raspy. Jane wraps her arm around her and hugs her- next to her is Roxy with his hand resting protectively on her hip. Dave looks at the seven other faces of the circus across from him and realizes, with shaky knees, that he’s standing alone.</p><p><br/>“I- I’m-” Dave tries to say something, but he doesn’t know what he is. And even though Karkat is the reason he’s in the mess, he wishes that he was right there next to him, wrapping his arms around him like Jane is to Rose. Maybe a little tighter than she is. Maybe a little closer than she is.</p><p><br/>“Pathetic. You’re a pathetic loser. I don’t know what’s got into you, but it’s disgusting. You’re disgusting.”</p><p><br/>Dave feels disgusting. Has felt disgusting. Because the only thing that’s changed about him is Karkat, and they way he feels about Karkat is-</p><p><br/>“Dave. Let’s step outside?” John walks forward and grabs hold of Dave’s shoulder firmly, leading him outside. It wasn’t really a question as much as a demand. He takes him through the parking lot to one of the islands with a small section of grass and two trees.</p><p><br/>Dave sits on the small step the island creates, but stops John before he can sit back down next to him. “You don’t have to stay out here with me. You can go inside.” John pauses, as if to argue back, but Dave stops him. “I really just want to be alone.”</p><p><br/>John leaves without another word. Dave had expected him to try, just a bit at least, to stay.</p><p><br/>“Wait!” Dave calls before he takes even three steps. “I can- this isn’t- I can come back, right? This isn’t me.. being kicked out?”</p><p><br/>John shakes his head quickly. “No. No, Dave, of course not. Kanaya didn’t mean that. She’s just been… stressed recently because-” John furrows his brows. “Didn’t- Kanaya said that Rose was telling you, too?”</p><p><br/>“Rose and I haven’t talked in a while.” Dave’s voice is so weak, it sounds like someone else said it.</p><p><br/>“Oh.” John frowns. “Just take a breather, okay? And come inside when you’re ready.”</p><p><br/>Dave’s throat starts to hurt from holding in tears, and he’s sure John can see how much he’s straining. “O-okay. See you soon.”</p><p><br/>“Later, Dave.”</p><p><br/>John turns and begins walking back to the tent.</p><p>_____</p><p> </p><p><br/>Dave genuinely thinks he’s going to sleep in the parking lot, because walking back into the circus tent to faceRose and the others seems unbearable. He even considers calling Karkat and asking to sleep there, but the thought of sleeping at the same place as Karkat makes his skin crawl in a way he doesn’t care to explain. He might have been sitting there for hours, but can’t tell because he doesn’t have a watch. The only passage of time Dave can feel is himself slowly getting colder as he starts to shiver, his eyes still locked on the tent with a soft glow from the lights inside. He wraps his arms around his legs and rests his chin on his knees, waiting for something. He’s not sure what, yet.</p><p><br/>He doesn’t move from this position for a while until he sees the tent flap shift and then open, and Rose exits from it. Half of him wants to run to Rose. The other half wants to run away. He decides on neither, instead staying frozen in his spot as the girl walks closer. Rose is charging, and Dave briefly has a thought of Rose coming up running and kicking his head off like a soccer ball. Instead, she stops about six feet away from Dave and crosses her arms over her chest.</p><p><br/>“It’s fucking cold out here.”</p><p><br/>Dave blinks at her. “Yeah.” He says. The sound of his own voice almost shocks him.</p><p><br/>“You’re a dick.”</p><p><br/>“Yeah.”</p><p><br/>“I’m a dick.”</p><p><br/>Dave pauses. “...Yeah.”</p><p><br/>Rose nods and walks up to Dave, sitting down next to him and looking at the pavement of the ground. “What you said… wasn’t okay. It was really shitty. They would have killed me if you didn’t come- we all know that.”</p><p><br/>“I know. I know. I was just so angry. I’m sorry. I- I know you’re not insecure or any of the things that I said. I was way out of line.” He says, his stomach twisting. He had been so scared and angry, and all he wanted to do was to hurt Rose back- he had been so helpless that the only thing he felt could save him would be to bite and not let go.</p><p><br/>“You were scared.” Rose offers. “Kanaya would never kick you out. I would never let her. Nobody would. And I definitely shouldn’t have jumped on you.”</p><p><br/>“I deserved it.” Dave says with a small smile.</p><p><br/>Rose laughs. “Maybe a little.” Then she looks at Dave, facing him with a small and content grin slightly tugging up the corners of her painted lips. But it wavers, and then it drops. “But we need to know what’s been going on. Why you’ve been out so much. Why you’ve been messing up.”</p><p><br/>And Dave wants to tell the truth. He wants to tell her so badly, but if there’s anything that he just learned, it’s that the best way to drive Rose away is any affiliation with Karkat or the Serket gang. That if he were to tell the truth, Rose would stand up, walk away, and she would never come back.</p><p><br/>So, he does the best that he can.</p><p><br/>“I’m scared.” He says, voice just above a whisper. And it’s true. He is. Something big is happening, and yet he won’t allow himself to register what. And then suddenly the truth is too scary, so he tells the best lie he can think of on the spot. “It’s just… you were right outside the tent when it happened? And the only thing that separates the outside from the inside is a piece of fabric and our janitor, if they’re on duty. Being at the tent scares me.”</p><p><br/>“Oh.” Rose says, kind of dumbly. “Dave, why didn’t you say that? We can do the relocation faster. It’s only an extra half hour, but I don’t think any of them care enough to drive it.”</p><p><br/>Dave wants to correct her, because Karkat cares enough. Just not in the way Rose thinks. “You’re right.” He agrees anyway. “But you don’t have to move anything. Promise. I’ll be okay. It’s just a week more, right?”</p><p><br/>“Little less.” Rose shrugs. Then she claps her hand on Dave’s shoulder and smiles. “See? That was all. Just a little talking and we’re good again.”</p><p><br/>“We’re good? Promise?” Dave asks, lifting up his pinky finger.</p><p><br/>Rose nods and catches Dave’s pinky on her own, locking in the promise. “I swear, Dave.”</p><p><br/>As fast as he can, he wraps his arms around Rose in the tightest hug he can muster- he had missed her for so long, even though he’s been seeing her. For a while, they had hardly really talked.</p><p><br/>“We… love you? Okay?”vRose mutters into Dave’s shoulder.</p><p><br/>“I love you guys, too.” Dave responds.</p><p><br/>“And I have something to tell you.” Rose continues.</p><p><br/>Dave pauses and pulls back, his hands resting on each of Rose’s shoulders. “John said something about that.”</p><p><br/>His friend pales. “He told you?” The look on Rose’s face is grave and daunting, her mouth slightly parted in a small, agape horror. It’s enough to make Dave’s stomach twist, because a look like that can’t mean that any news Rose might have to break is joyful.</p><p><br/>“No. Just that you… had to say something? And Kanaya. Is something wrong? It’s not about me, is it?” He asks, thinking back to how hopeless he felt at the notion of Kanaya throwing him out, making him forced to live on the street, or worse, back at home.</p><p><br/>“No!” Rose’s eyes widened. “No, it’s good.” She pauses. “I think. I hope.”</p><p><br/>“What is it, then?”</p><p><br/>Rose takes a shaky inhale. “Well. Kanaya and I. We’ve known each other for a while now. We didn’t really get close until the circus started, but we’ve always known each other. Always liked each other. And now… we like each other more.” She looks at Dave tentatively. “A lot more. We… love each other.”</p><p><br/>Dave smiles, but he’s confused. “Yeah, I know? You guys are my family.”</p><p><br/>“No. I mean… I’m… gay. Kanaya and I are together. Even though our, well, obvious differences. Like Roxy and Jane. It happened a few days ago. We were sitting together and I made a joke about Terezi and… I don’t know what happened. She just kissed me. And she told me she loves me.”</p><p><br/>Dave is winded. Dave isn’t listening to Rose, but he thinks he might be imagining it because there’s no way- no way- “What?”</p><p><br/>“Don’t be mad.” Rose says desperately. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” She says quickly, beginning to look and sound panicked. Her eyes are turning red again, and shit, Dave’s made her cry again.</p><p><br/>His head and mouth feels funny, like he’s bit into aluminum foil. He doesn’t want Rose to be upset. That isn’t what he meant at all. Because things like this are what people get killed for. It’s what Rose had almost gotten killed for. And Dave doesn’t ever want Rose to be scared, wants Rose to know that he’ll always be there to hit bullies over the head with a bottle, and would be willing to do anything to save her. However, he can’t particularly articulate this.</p><p><br/>Rose looks at him helplessly. “Are you mad?”</p><p><br/>“No! No, of course not.” Dave quickly amends. “I just… Why?”</p><p><br/>“Why?” Rose repeats her eyebrows furrowing. Dave notices how tense her arms get.</p><p><br/>“Won’t you get sick from that?” He asks tentatively, the voice of Bro playing in the back of his head like it so often did when he was younger. It makes him feel like a little kid, reprimanded by his own mind. “Isn’t it… dirty? Being with a troll?”</p><p><br/>Rose’s face falls. “So, just because the Serket gang says it, it’s true?”</p><p><br/>“No! No, not at all.” Dave shakes his head as fast as he can and takes Rose’s hand. “I didn’t mean it like that. I don’t care about that. It’s okay. You and Kanaya are perfect.” He smiles.</p><p><br/>With a shaky breath of reassurance, Rose pushes herself forward and wraps her arms around the other’s neck. “We’re so stupid. We should have just talked.”</p><p><br/>Dave repeats, “So stupid.”</p><p><br/>Rose pulls back as a tear rolls down her cheek, yet her smile tells Dave that the tears are from relief now, not fear. “Kanaya and I love each other. And if we love each other, it can’t be wrong, right? No matter what anybody says.”</p><p><br/>Dave grasps for something inside himself that he can’t reach. “Exactly, Rose. Exactly.”</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>couple days early because i felt like it. enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Hands. It’s all Dave can think about, desperately- hands. They’re on his shoulders and brushing his hips and pulling on his thighs, and Dave’s doing all he can to stay level-headed; he feels like he’s swimming through water, but at the same time, everything feels crystal clear. Suddenly, he’s pushed backwards, and his back hits something hard that would have left him breathless if the hands against him didn’t already have that honor. The bottom of his shirt is pulled upwards. He shivers, from both the contact of skin on skin and the coldness in the air.</p><p> </p><p>Then, there’s more than hands. He feels a mouth against his neck and the ghosting of their nose, an entire body keeping him flat against the wall. Dave shudders and brings his hands to the person’s shoulders, gripping hard.</p><p> </p><p>And now the hands continue their movement, continue moving, moving down-</p><p> </p><p>“Karkat,” Dave gasps. “Karkat, wait-”</p><p> </p><p>Dave wakes up desperately wheezing, for the first time in over a year. He tries to calm himself, but his heart is hammering in his chest, only one emotion prevalent in his head-</p><p> </p><p>Fear. Pure and unadulterated fear.</p><p> </p><p>He stands up and begins pacing his bedroom, thinking too many thoughts to stop the panic setting over him. Dreams are normal, he knows, but dreams about trolls are another story. Dreams about trolls get you knifed and killed.</p><p> </p><p>Dave doesn’t want to think that Rose and Kanaya are dirty like how society deems them, doesn’t want to think that at all, but he knows that no matter how hard he fights it, that’s how other people are always going to see them. People like Rose and Kanaya are always going to be abused and outcasted, destined to never be accepted, people like Rose and Kanaya and Dave-</p><p> </p><p>Dave shakes his head and almost jumps, repulsed from the thought. And people like Dave? People like Dave- that’s just normal people. Dave isn’t like Rose and Kanaya.</p><p> </p><p>Except…</p><p> </p><p>Except, though he never saw a face, a name had escaped from his lips, pulled without any hesitation.</p><p> </p><p>And in the quiet of his own room, Dave whispers it again.</p><p> </p><p>“Karkat fucking Vantas…”</p><p> </p><p>__________</p><p> </p><p>“You look like hell.” Rose says as soon as she sees Dave walk onto the stage for practice. After living with Rose for so long, they’ve both come to the mutual agreement that the pleasantries of a greeting are beneath their level of friendship.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Didn’t sleep last night.” Dave responds in a monotone voice, reaching up to the highest point on the silks and pulling himself up, beginning to use a classic climb in order to get the midpoint. Once there, he lowers himself to a seated position and grabs underneath his unwrapped left foot with his left hand. This position allows for him to completely lower his body down into a position where he flexes his wrapped foot to keep the fabric pinched in place, enabling him to release his right hand and pose.</p><p> </p><p>From the ground, Rose speaks up. “Point your left foot.” She says incredulously, as if Dave’s broken a fundamental law of nature. But in the circus, he kind of did.</p><p> </p><p>“Shit.” He swears and does so, styling himself. “Do I look okay?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah. Great! It was just your toes. How tired are you? Should you be performing?”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not brain dead because I forgot to point my toes.” Dave counters, his voice coming out a little weaker than normal because he’s climbing the tail to get out of the pose. He perches and then straightens his legs to let the fabrics untangle from his limbs and climbs down, up again, and then down one more time.</p><p> </p><p>He and Rose spend the hour or so reviewing tricks and pointing out faults, as well as switching apparatuses halfway through despite both of their obvious preferences. Dave finds his mind wandering, wanting to tell Rose that maybe he’s like her, that maybe there’s something wrong with him, too, but holds back.</p><p> </p><p>If he mentioned any of that- which he doesn’t really want to talk about anyway, because saying it out loud makes it real- then he would have to talk about his dream, and that would mean he would have to talk about Karkat and that…</p><p> </p><p>Is a whole other problem. Rose would never forgive Dave for being friends with Karkat, let alone-</p><p> </p><p>Let alone-</p><p> </p><p>Dave actually doesn’t know how he feels about Karkat anymore. He just knows that Rose hates Karkat, but Dave loves Rose.</p><p> </p><p>And if Dave had to choose, he’d pick Rose. Every time.</p><p> </p><p>__________</p><p> </p><p>Karkat makes an appearance at the show that night. He walks into the tent already beaming, waiting at the bleachers he always stands at when he comes to shows so Dave can know where to go to find him. Like usual, Dave goes to see Karkat, but unlike usual, doesn’t share the same excitement as him.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey fuckass. I’m using my free pass because I lost my wallet somewhere in my apartment.” He laughs. When he notices Dave doesn’t laugh, or crack a smile and try to hide it, at least, he continues.</p><p> </p><p>Dave crosses his arms. “Sorry. This isn’t what I came over here for. I came because-”</p><p> </p><p>“Because you missed me?” Karkat dramatically bats his eyelashes.</p><p> </p><p>“Because I think you should go.”</p><p> </p><p>Karkat lets out an aborted chuckle, as if he isn’t sure if Dave’s joking or not. “What, Dave?”</p><p> </p><p>“Just- get out of here, Karkat! Okay?”</p><p> </p><p>When Dave performs that night, he hits every pose perfectly and doesn’t miss a single cue. Rose congratulates him later with a happy hug and an exclamation of “Dave Strider is back in business, alright!”, but, with a sinking feeling, Dave realizes the smile he gave in return to Rose’s excitement wasn’t as real as it should have been.</p><p> </p><p>__________</p><p>Karkat left the tent, opening the flaps and not looking back. His mind was still focused on Dave, regardless of the growing distance between the men.</p><p> </p><p>“Just- get out of here, Karkat! Okay?”</p><p> </p><p>He replays the words over and over in his head, unintentionally changing the inflection each time to soften the blow of the fact that Dave wanted him gone. It hurt because he wasn’t used to it. Sure, sometimes he felt out of place around the Serket gang, but he didn’t ever let it get to him. Sollux, even, never pushed him directly away, but he knew when he wasn’t wanted. And it never caused him pain or anything, he just left and ignored it.</p><p> </p><p>But Dave? If Dave didn’t want him around, who did? Who would?</p><p> </p><p>He found himself at a bus stop, rubbing his eyes. He didn’t know where to go. He couldn’t just go home and pity himself. Karkat felt in his pockets for his wallet, pulling it out and checking to see that his fake I.D. was still there. It was thanks to Eridan that he had it. Er always knew who to talk to to get things- Drugs, information, fake I.D.’s. Karkat tried not to let it worry him too much. After all, it was thanks to him that “Garian Fibtan” was getting a drink tonight.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>__________</p><p> </p><p>Karkat was two shots in before he took a good look around the shitty bar he’s lodged himself in. It’s your typical all-hours bar, with mysterious stains on the carpet and scratched up tables. The people there were fairly predictable as well, a middle aged man, some sleep-deprived druggie, and… Oh.</p><p> </p><p>Across the room is a girl. Conventionally attractive, alone, and making desperate eye contact.</p><p> </p><p>Karkat slides down to where she’s sitting. She giggles as though it’s an introduction. “Hi,” She says, looking him up and down.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey.” He says, trying to keep a straight face but failing, joining her in pointless chuckles.</p><p> </p><p>“Hello,” She says again. “I’m Amanda.” She was twirling a lock of brown hair around a glittered fingertip.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m Karkat.” He smiles lopsidedly. “Can I buy you a drink?”</p><p> </p><p>She feigns a gasp. “My, what a gentleman.”</p><p> </p><p> If only. Karkat turned and ordered them both shots. She didn’t know what was wrong with him. He felt sort of like an asshole- interacting with a girl for one reason. She probably didn’t know she was flirting with a total douchebag. She was too pretty for Karkat, but he’d always felt that way about girls.</p><p> </p><p>“That makes one of us. What’s a nice girl like you doing out at,” He checked his watch as the bartender gave them their drinks. “One AM on a weeknight?”</p><p> </p><p>She smiles, a smile coated in red lipstick, and picks up the drink. “Suckering cute boys into buying me drinks.” She states as she’s knocking back the shot.</p><p> </p><p>“That you are, that you are.” He said, taking his as well. It felt hot in the back of his throat- burning, really -but his face was just as hot and his brain wasn’t focusing. He figured he could handle another shot.</p><p> </p><p>__________</p><p> </p><p>“Wait, what? You were afraid of clowns when you were little?” Amanda says incredulously, on the verge of another fit of giggles. Her laugh is repetitive and loud.</p><p> </p><p>Karkat nods. “Yeah, yeah, I admit it. It was kind of dumb, but hey. I was little, and in my defense, clowns are, at least, weird as fuck. Full grown men in rainbows and makeup? What the fuck.” He said, decomposing into laughter at the end of his sentence.</p><p> </p><p>She smiles and tosses her hair over her shoulder. “That’s completely true. Real men don’t…” She hiccups. “Wear makeup. Men in general don’t.”</p><p> </p><p>Karkat furrows his brow. “How do you know what real men do?”</p><p> </p><p>She looks at him. “Well, I’m looking at one, am I not?”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh,” Karkat says, straightening his back. “Y-yeah. Clearly.”</p><p> </p><p>She grins and tilts her head, long horns accentuating the motion. “You want to go back to my place?”</p><p> </p><p>“Uh.” Karkat says as an answer, even though it most definitely is not. Acceptable answers consist of ‘yes's and… Was ‘no’ really an option? He was going to be seen as weird for it, right? Here’s a hot troll who’s obviously down- what reason does he have to say no? But there was something unrecognizable telling him it was a bad idea, down in the pit of his stomach. “No.” He says cautiously, dragging out the syllable as though it were a question.</p><p> </p><p>“What?”</p><p> </p><p>“I mean… to go there, one of us would have to drive, and drunk driving is a really bad idea, I should probably just go home.” He rambles, hoping she’ll take his bullshit answer.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh! We could call a cab?” She asks hopefully.</p><p> </p><p>“No.” Karkat said, and with that, he slapped a ten on the counter (which was ridiculously more than the total cost, not that he realized at that moment) and left.</p><p> </p><p>He thought a lot of things when he got outside. Like, Where did I park and It’s cold and She was annoying and Dave isn’t. Because every time he thought, he thought of Dave. Every time he was, Dave was there. He was entangled into every real part of Karkat, all the true bits and pieces were his discoveries. He couldn’t do anything without memories of Dave ingrained into the task.</p><p> </p><p>Dave was a constant factor in Karkat’s life, but the thing is, it wasn’t annoying. It never got old or repetitive. It was almost like the Dave-filled thoughts were the break, the relief between chores.</p><p> </p><p>Nobody had ever been that important to Karkat before, and he hoped it went the other way around too. He didn’t know what he would do if he wasn’t as important to Dave. Probably something pathetic, like still think of him anyway.</p><p> </p><p>And Oh, Karkat needed to see him, regardless of if he wanted to. It was okay. He’d fix everything.</p><p> </p><p>__________</p><p> </p><p>The bar Karkat had landed himself in had only been a few minutes drive from the circus, so the drive back would be a few minutes, too. However, even drunk, he knows not to drive, but he’d walk any amount of miles to see Dave. So he picks his drunk ass up off of his stool and begins his trek.</p><p> </p><p>It’s not much of a trek (it’s on sidewalk) and he’ll most likely forget most of it in the morning, but he hopes he remembers when he stared at a plastic bag for three minutes trying to figure out what kind of bird it is because that would be a funny story to tell Dave. Dave would probably throw his head back and give that little chuckle he does, where his cheeks flush red and creases form at the corner of his eyes. If Karkat was lucky, Dave would shoulder him or hit him playfully, and if he was really lucky, Dave would call him an ‘idiot’ or a ‘dumbass’ and the both of them would look at each other for just a moment too long because they both know he doesn’t mean it.</p><p> </p><p>Karkat thinks about how much he craves that laugh, that moment of contact, the endearing words. The thoughts carry him, light on his feet, to the circus tent. He thinks about the people in there who he hasn’t met, and then he thinks of the people he has, and quickly realizes that Rose is going to know who he is if he doesn’t make some… costume changes. His fuzzed brain decides it’s best to peel off his jacket and throw it into a bush before attempting to enter the tent. ]Then, he prays, and stumbles his way inside. He can see exactly one human shaped blob fiddling with a long red something hanging from the ceiling that Karkat identifies as silk.</p><p> </p><p>“Hello?” The smear of color says in Dave’s voice before seemingly turning around. Then, in a whisper-shout, “Karkat!”</p><p> </p><p>The blurry figure comes running towards him and is soon just a foot away from him, talking madly about how Karkat’s such an idiot for coming.</p><p> </p><p>“Didn’t want anyone to recognize me.” Karkat mumbles. Blob-Dave grabs Karkat by the arm and leads him outside. “Where are we going?” Karkat asks, staring at the point of contact. I like him. Karkat thinks. I like HIM. The said point of contact just looks like every other thing- a mash of color and not much else- but the pressure where Dave is squeezing actually tingles, and not because his grip is so hard it could make Karkat’s arm go numb. He wants Dave to touch and grab him more. He wants Dave to wrap his hand around something else. Preferably Karkat’s-</p><p> </p><p>“You’re so dumb. I hate you. Is that your jacket?”</p><p> </p><p>“Is it in a bush? Then it’s my jacket. Do you really hate me?”</p><p> </p><p>Dave is silent for a second. “No.” He eventually responds. Karkat is pulled to the pushes, and then his jacket is given to him. Karkat doesn’t move, instead opting to stare at the object in his hands. “Oh my god.” Dave sighs and lets go of Karkat’s arm. He smiles, his hands still, resting at the sides of Karkat’s head, just in front of his ears. All Karkat would have to do is lean forwards… “All good?” Dave asks. His hands drop.</p><p> </p><p>Karkat nods and then puts on his own jacket.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re drunk, right?”</p><p> </p><p>Karkat nods again.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re the dumbest person alive. You drove here drunk?”</p><p> </p><p>“Walked.” Karkat answers.</p><p> </p><p>Dave’s eyes fly open. “From your apartment to here?”</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t flatter yourself.” Karkat scoffs, although if he had gotten drunk at his apartment instead he probably would have walked to the circus regardless. “I was at a bar close to here? A pretty girl tried to sleep with me.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh.” Dave answers quietly, clearing his throat and looking straight ahead. Then he looks back up to Karkat, his eyebrows slightly furrowed. “Tried to?”</p><p> </p><p>“Tried to. Didn’t happen. I don’t like girl.” Karkat says confidently, then realizing his slip up. “That girl. I don’t like that specific girl. I’m drunk.” Karkat covers quickly. He keeps eye contact with his friend tentatively, watching his facial expressions and waiting for him to say something. He wishes suddenly that Dave didn’t wear those stupid fucking shades. It was so hard to read him when he did. Karkat’s not going to think about what he said. That’s too much to actually say. That’s supposed to stay in his head.</p><p> </p><p>Dave just looks at him strangely and grabs onto his arm again, this time lighter than before. “So you don’t fall. Where are your keys? We’ll walk back to your car and I’ll drive you home.”</p><p> </p><p>Karkat sticks his free hand into his pocket and fishes out his keys, handing them to Dave and continuing to walk with him. They don’t say much until about halfway there, when Karkat frowns. “You didn’t tell anyone you’re driving me home. You should-”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s fine. I don’t need anyone's permission to leave. I’m not a prisoner.” Dave replies. “I can leave whenever I want. I like that. I didn’t always have that freedom.”</p><p> </p><p>“When-”</p><p> </p><p>“My Brp. Let’s not get into it, okay? What I mean is that you don’t have to worry. There’s no way I’m letting you sleep in your backseat, or worse- the ground.”</p><p> </p><p>“You care about me! I thought you hate me.” Karkat frowns, mostly teasing. Sometimes he gets the feeling that Dave can’t stand him, but he knows that it isn’t true when he’s in the back corner of the circus, watching Dave perform, and he can see Dave scanning the audience. Scanning it for him. There’s nothing more satisfying than the small light of realization that’s on Dave’s face when he sees Karkat in the audience.</p><p> </p><p>Dave scowls, looking up to him with a strange sort of vulnerability that makes Karkat freeze in place. “I could never, ever, hate you, Karkat. Okay?”</p><p> </p><p>Karkat thinks about all the things he wants to say and do, how badly he wants just to be able to hold Dave, to meet his friends and not have to worry, to be able to kiss the creases by his eyes when he laughs. His stomach starts to feel cold and the world starts to feel loopy with the possibility of just giving in and kissing Dave, of being able to feel his lips against his just once, even if it got his ass kicked. Even if it got him culled.</p><p> </p><p>And then he realizes his stomach might feel like that for a different reason.</p><p> </p><p>Instead of something groundbreaking and life changing, Karkat looks to Dave with a look of what can only be described as extreme despair and says, “I think I’m going to puke.”</p><p> </p><p>__________</p><p> </p><p>Dave used to hate it when his brother grabbed his cheeks, but when Jane does it, he doesn’t mind. Sometimes she just likes to squeeze them, and coos even though she’s not even a year older than him. Right now, she’s doing it for his makeup because he can’t sit still.</p><p> </p><p>“So, what spurred you to have a little extra tonight?” Jane asks, grinning at him like she knows something.</p><p> </p><p>The usually comforting smile of Jane Crocker makes a wave of heat wash through his body, immediately making his back sticky, and his heart pound. “What? Nothing? What are you talking about? Don’t be absurd.” He answers. He grips the side of his chair tightly, feeling the ridges of it pressed harshly into his palms.</p><p> </p><p>Jane just laughs and leans forward, brushing something onto his cheek and then turning back to her assortment of paints and powders. “Don’t go acting so innocent. I know.”</p><p> </p><p>“What are you talking about?” Dave asks slowly. The tent must be collapsing, because he feels like the walls are caving in. He feels like he might pass out, like Jane might turn into some wicked, warped mirage with razor-sharp teeth and tear him limb from limb and snicker and jeer and slash and rip-</p><p> </p><p>“There’s a girl in the crowd you’re trying to impress, isn’t there?” She laughs, lightly hitting his shoulder. Dave allows his tension to slip away and forces a smile to go onto his face.</p><p> </p><p>“No. No, why would you think that?”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re smiling!”</p><p> </p><p>“Because you’re embarrassing me, Jane! Stop it!” Dave responds and bats her hand away when she goes to poke his nose.</p><p> </p><p>“Dave’s in lo-ove! Dave’s in lo-ove!” She sings, countering his swatting with more poking. Eventually, Dave just worms his way out of his chair and past her, denying her teasing. At least this form of jeering is more tolerable than the kind that Dave had envisioned, where Jane calls him disgusting and throws him out on his ass even though he knows she wouldn’t. Or suspects she wouldn’t. He isn’t sure about how many people know about Rose and Kanaya, and Dave doesn’t want to be the asshole that reveals their relationship to the rest of the circus. It’s not his job to tell anyone if Rose and Kanaya aren’t ready for them to know yet.</p><p> </p><p>Jane sighs and puts down the brush she’s holding, placing it neatly inside one of her brush pouches and then turning back to Dave. She looks at him with a lazy smile, the tiniest hint of an upturn to her lips as she looks at him contently.</p><p> </p><p>“I know that Rose and Kanaya thought you were acting weird,” She begins, looking at Dave. Dave looks back with an expression of a mixture of concern and confusion at how the sentence may end. “And you were, I agree. But, not just weird. Also… happier. So if there’s something you’re not telling us because you think it’s so horrible, I promise you it isn't as bad as you think. Not if it’s making you this happy.” She says.</p><p> </p><p>“Jane…”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sure she’s fantastic, Dave.” She smiles. “Especially because most girls are so odd about boys in makeup.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re an angel.” Dave laughs. “But… that isn’t what this is.”</p><p> </p><p>Jane presses her lips together. “Okay. Well, whenever you’re ready.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>__________</p><p>Jane watches as Dave leaves, looking at the empty space he once filled with an air of confusion. Moments later, her boyfriend walks inside.</p><p> </p><p>“Roxy!” She says.</p><p> </p><p>“I just walked past Dave. You did his make up?” Roxy asks, throwing a thumb over his shoulder to indicate the other boy. He looks intrigued, always interested in Jane’s artistic makeup-ing.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah. He was just in one of those moods, I guess.” Jane answers as he places his hands on her hips and brings her close to him. He starts swaying, slightly. “What are you doing?”</p><p> </p><p>“Dancing.” Roxy replies. “Dance with me.”</p><p> </p><p>Jane grins and lifts her arms to wrap around his neck. They sway together for a bit in silence, the only noise between them being muted chatter from outside and Roxy occasionally telling Jane that she’s stepping on his foot. Jane leans her head on Roxy’s shoulder and he kisses the top of her head. Her stomach flutters. “So, what’s with the dancing?” Jane asks, voice slightly altered because of the pressure on her cheek.</p><p> </p><p>“I needed to stretch my legs. I’ve been sitting for a while.” Then he sighs. “And I talked to Rose and Kanaya. Did they…?” He begins, not finishing his sentence. Jane can feel his shoulder tense up and then relax, but elects to ignore it.</p><p> </p><p>She puts her hands on his shoulders and pushes back. “Oh. Yeah.” She says, looking up to him.</p><p> </p><p>“And you…?’</p><p> </p><p>Jane frowns. “I don’t really care, I guess.” She says, her hand trailing up into his hair and beginning to twirl the short strands. “I love you. I want to get married to you one day, and have kids…” She smiles, trailing off.</p><p> </p><p>“A girl, Elfrida, Ellie for short, and a boy, named Timothy, with Timmy for short.” Roxy adds.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes.” Bev kisses his cheek. “And if we’re in love, and we want that, why can’t they?”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re amazing, Ms. Crocker.”</p><p> </p><p>“Likewise, Mr. Lalonde.”</p><p> </p><p>__________</p><p> </p><p>Right now, smiles and cheers meant nothing to Dave. Absolutely nothing. Dirt. The only thing that mattered in this moment as he was going to take his bows was that a boy in a leather jacket named Karkat Vantas is in the back right, watching him and clapping even though he’s seen the act enough to be able to watch it like a movie in his head.</p><p> </p><p>Even though Karkat comes to the show almost every night, more often than not, Dave never can quite wrap his head around the visceral enjoyment that comes from seeing Karkat in the crowd and watching him perform. Maybe it’s because he’s never had anyone to perform for- only with. It’s nice having a friend on the other side of things, watching and supporting simply because he wants to. He knows that John and Roxy and Rose and Kanaya and Jane and Elliot and Kaye all encourage him in the circus, but a tiny part of him knows that that’s their job. Especially since the fight, Dave has been hyper aware of this, though he tells himself that he shouldn’t, that everyone was just angry, that even if he’d suddenly never been able to perform again, everyone would still love him the same.</p><p> </p><p>Dave knows that’s true. He does. He just doesn’t feel it sometimes.</p><p> </p><p>With Karkat, though… He can’t exactly say he loves Karkat yet, because he knows he loves Rose like a sister and he definitely doesn’t see Karkat the same way. They’ll probably work towards it. However, he always wants to be around Karkat and always wants him there. Dave finds himself laughing at jokes and checking to see if Karkat thinks it funny, even if he’s not there. He finds himself always looking for Karkat, doing a double take when he thinks he sees him sitting in the bleachers, or seeing something that reminds him of him and laughing to himself.</p><p> </p><p>Dave smiles as brightly as he can at Karkat and takes his bow.</p><p> </p><p>When he looks back up, he realizes his heart is slamming in his chest, and he’s thinking about love again, and he’s thinking about different kinds of love, all different kinds, and something twists in his stomach, something pulls, something forces him backstage and away from Karkat Vantas. And he doesn’t think he wants to find out what.</p><p> </p><p>__________</p><p> </p><p>Karkat wasn’t sure what to get Jake English. A balloon seemed too cheerful, flowers too… Close. A get-well-soon card felt insensitive. Where were the cards that read, ‘Sorry for jumping your ass for no reason, I hope you at least landed a neat hospital room. X.O.X.O, the gang member that threw the first punch’? He eventually decided on some kind of dime candy, almost shoving it in his pocket and walking out, then deciding that Jake was worth paying the ten fucking cents.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Karkat also isn’t very sure how to get to Jake English once inside. He just had to go up and talk to the lady, right? What if she asked if he was family? What would he say?</p><p> </p><p>“Hello?” The lady at the desk doesn’t say anything, writing something on a file, or whatever. She’s blonde, and probably conventionally pretty. She seemed boring. He clears his throat and tries again. “Hello? Hi. I’d like to visit somebody? His name is Jake English.” He sounds much less confident than he had in weeks, and he found it strange that that lady acted as a catalyst to the falter.</p><p> </p><p>She looks him up and down. She takes a pen from a cup and hands it to him, ripping a sticker off a sheet. It said VISITOR in big black words, with a space underneath to write his name. He does so (the pen didn’t dry quick enough to keep up with his hand, smudging it along the sticker and the side of his left palm.) and then sticks it on his shirt. “He’ll be in room…” She glances at an open file. “Two-hundred-seventy.”</p><p> </p><p>He looked at her a moment too long, like he expected to have to pass some sort of exam to go in. But when her shifted glance made it clear he had no further expectations, he headed to the right, following a sign that said ‘Rooms 200-315’.</p><p> </p><p>He finds the room with the door wide open.</p><p> </p><p>And his mouth goes just a bit dry.</p><p> </p><p>He walks in, not quite sure what he expects to see. Whatever he thought he would see is about ten times more tame than what was actually there. Karkat was almost sure he would be sitting up on his own, at least, but he had enough pillows to suffocate a fucking elephant behind him.</p><p> </p><p> Jake looks up slowly, not really noting his appearance at first. Then he looks back up, and really sees him. “If you’ve come to get me, finish me off, there are people all around. You couldn’t lay a gol-darned finger on me without alerting staff. You must be a few sandwiches short of a picnic!” His words are fleeting, scared, and each one hits Karkat with a pang of guilt. They were also slurred, somewhat, which confused him until he realized he was probably loaded with painkillers.</p><p> </p><p>“No, no,” Karkat starts, and then sighs. “I’m sorry. I really am. Can I sit?” He motions toward a very stiff looking chair. Jake shakes his head. Karkat could hear his breathing go faster, the ventilator trying to keep up. “Fair enough.” He says quietly, leaning against the doorway.</p><p> </p><p>“Then what in the clanging fuck do you want?” Jake says from the bed, throwing him a withering glare.</p><p> </p><p>He pulls the candy out of his pocket and tosses it onto his lap, not wanting to cross any sort of boundary. “I came to apologize. And, explain, really. There isn’t any good excuse out there for what I did- it was fucked up.” Jake nods, his hands drawn together and ignoring the candy.</p><p> </p><p>“Look at that, an agreement. Between me and a Serket gang member, who’da thunk?” Jake bats his eyelashes sarcastically.</p><p> </p><p>“But I only had two options,” He rushes out, ignoring his comment. “I could either hurt you or-or be you.” His voice is almost pleading for understanding.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh.” He says simply. They sit for a minute in silence. “So you’re…”</p><p> </p><p>Karkat looks at him in the eyes, deeper than he’d ever really looked before. Seeing fear, vulnerability, but also understanding. He nods. “Yeah. Maybe. At least, I think so, I’m not very sure yet. And not just for troll boys... How-how did you know?”</p><p> </p><p>Jake lets out a tiny smile. Karkat figures it hurts, he has a nasty cut in the corner of his mouth. It might’ve even needed stitches. “I think the only- Dirk!” His attention turns immediately to a man behind him. A very tense, angry man, who looks like he’s about to take the flower in his hands and use them for a very different purpose- most likely beating Karkat upside the head.</p><p> </p><p>His expression is harsh, and fully focused on Karkat. “Who are you?” He turns to the man in the bed. “Is he the one that hurt you?” He asks, with an anger in his eyes that has no mind for rules. Jake nods.</p><p> </p><p>“I-uh,” Karkat stammers, looking to Jake for an excuse. He doesn’t offer one. “Just. Visiting, apologizing. What I-we did to him was super shitty, and he didn’t deserve it,” He presses himself up against the doorway. He wasn’t very intimidated, not really. Karkat could beat the shit out of him if he wanted- but that was the problem. He already had, to Jake, and it was almost a courtesy when he let Dirk take up more space than him. In his eyes, at least.</p><p> </p><p>“You should go. You don’t belong here, and you shouldn’t have been here in the first place. ”Dirk said it like it was a warning, his demeanor as dangerous as a twitchy finger laying on a trigger.</p><p> </p><p>He says okay, backs out and mumbles another sorry.</p><p> </p><p>“Wait,” Jake says from the bed. Dirk shifts, just a bit, to let him see him better. “You asked how I knew? When I realized I couldn’t just look past boys any more, when one of them took up my whole field of vision and your whole train of thought,” He glances at the man next to him. “You’ll know you love him.”</p><p> </p><p>“I didn’t say it was anybody specifically…” Karkat says quietly, noting the singularity in the word ‘him’. He thinks of how the whole world melts away when he sees Dave perform, or Dave laughs, or Dave walking besides him, or just… Dave.</p><p> </p><p>Jake tilts his head and grins a bit more. “I don’t think that you had to. You thought of someone, didn’t you?”</p><p> </p><p>Karkat backs out completely, leaving the hospital in almost a sprint. Running once he got out, as though running from Jake was the same as running from the problem. The problem was that Jake was, in fact, not mistaken. A name had popped into his head.</p><p> </p><p>Dave fucking Strider’s, no less.</p><p> </p><p>__________</p><p> </p><p>Karkat was stunned at Jake’s normalcy, the way he had talked to Karkat like a normal person, but what else was Karkat to expect? Jake didn’t grow an extra arm because he likes boys. He simply… exists.</p><p> </p><p>Karkat drops the keys to his apartment onto the scuffed end table, falling onto the couch before taking his jacket off. He notes the smell of his apartment-he always does, because he hates it. It never changes, no matter what he tries. It smells like nicotine and tar, like sopor, like regret.</p><p> </p><p>Regret.</p><p> </p><p>He regrets hurting Jake and throwing the first punch. Kicking his inhaler away- he was cruel, and he despised it because it was all impulse. That that was his first fucking thought, to hit him before he could threaten him, to kick the inhaler before it could help Jake.</p><p> </p><p>Jake had done nothing to anybody, except for having the audacity to exist. The thought pressed on Karkat’s brain uncomfortably, making his head hurt. He releases the air from his lungs slowly, leaning forwards and rests his elbows on his knees. He takes another deep breath, but the pain doesn’t alleviate from his skull, making his head feel like it’s going to pop and he can’t do anything about it except wait for his brains to splatter against the walls and paint them grey and red. He wants to shout, but instead just puts his head in his hands and waits for the pain to subside.</p><p> </p><p>It doesn’t. It grows.</p><p> </p><p>“Shit.” Karkat says to himself, alone in his apartment. His voice sounds small and weak and his throat is hurting now, too, though he realizes this is from struggling to hold back tears and not the same divine stroke of karma is trying to turn his head into a popcorn kernel under a heat lamp. All at once, a sob is pulled from him like a faucet of emotion with a broken handle, because as soon as the first strangled cry leaves his mouth, another one follows. He feels weak, sitting in his apartment and crying, but then he wonders how much Jake’s head hurt, how weak he must have felt, and Karkat’s pain doubles. Somewhere in his head, he can understand that the pain is only a projection, but right now, he can’t rationally grasp that.</p><p> </p><p>He’s a horrible person. That’s all he can think about. He doesn’t deserve forgiveness or happiness or anything that good people should get, because he’s not one of them. He’s narcissistic and self-serving. He’s a jackass. He can’t begin to fathom why Dave would hang out around him when he had known how horrible he was from the start. Dave had known when hit Karkat with a fucking bottle and Karkat deserved it. Dave should hate him.</p><p> </p><p>There’s a table in front of him. Gamzee would put his feet up on this table whenever he was over, no matter how many times Karkat asked him not to, and suddenly Karkat’s head was out of his hands and his hands are on the table and the table’s off the ground and now it’s all the way across his apartment and Karkat can’t think and Karkat can’t breathe and his head fucking hurts and his ears are ringing and he deserves it because he’s a horrible, horrible, person and Karkat can’t breathe, and Karkat had kicked away Jake’s inhaler, and Karkat thinks he’s dying.</p><p> </p><p>“Shit!” Karkat shouts, his voice reverberating around the room. He’s standing now, facing his tossed table that had made a dent in the wall where it made impact, though he couldn’t care less. He probably should, because he’s renting it, but whatever. He crouches on the ground, closes his eyes, and tries to suck in some air, but nothing works. Nothing releases the pressure in his head and lungs until his mind races back to Dave, how he doesn’t deserve him, but selfishly indulges himself in thinking about him nonetheless.</p><p> </p><p>He thinks about how Dave must have comforted Rose after the fight, or Dave probably would comfort the Mayor if the young boy had gotten himself hurt. He imagines that Dave’s in the room with him, hand on his back, saying all the right things. Saying that he forgives him, that everything’s okay, telling him just to calm down and breathe.</p><p> </p><p>When his heart returns beating to something that vaguely resembles a normal pace, he feels like a piece of shit.</p><p> </p><p>Because he is.</p><p> </p><p>__________</p><p> </p><p>Karkat had driven to the circus with an iron-clad grip on his steering wheel, his jaw locked, his entire body rigid. He had driven with one purpose in mind: to see Dave. Except this time was like no other time, because he did not intend to see Dave ever again after this.</p><p> </p><p>He just can’t.</p><p> </p><p>He can’t. Not when he hurts everyone around him, not when he hurts people who do absolutely nothing. Not when he depends on people who hurt people like him. People like Karkat.</p><p> </p><p>Trolls.</p><p> </p><p>There is a performance tonight that he was going to go to anyway, so he pays for his ticket and slips inside with the rest of the crowd walking in. The circus is still relatively new on this side of town, so there are plenty of people for Karkat to blend in with. He listens to the gasps and shouts of the audience from tricks that are familiar to him by now, but he makes sure to appreciate every second of it; he notices the exact moment that Dave sees him, because his act is revitalized with a new sense of vigor. Briefly, Karkat wonders if the extra makeup Dave is wearing tonight is for him, then shakes the thought out of his head- Dave performed before Karkat, and will perform after Karkat. Though he says differently, it’s only a matter of time before Karkat lets him down and Dave to hate him. Might as well be now.</p><p> </p><p>When Dave sees him after the show, he’s beaming. “Did you see that! That was so good! There was a little girl in the front row- she was so enthralled- I had to peek from backstage just to watch her face-”</p><p> </p><p>“Dave.” Karkat says calmly, a faint smile on his lips. “Can we take a walk?”</p><p> </p><p>Dave blinks, his chest rising and falling quickly because he’s out of breath from his word vomit. Then he swallows. “Of course. I need to get a sweater. It’s kind of cold.”</p><p> </p><p>Karkat shakes his head, his reaction immediate. “Just take my jacket.” He answers, already shrugging it off.</p><p> </p><p>Dave looks around before grabbing the jacket, not putting it on yet. They walk outside together with the other people filtering out, but whereas most people are going to their cars, the two boys go straight out and begin walking to the street. They step onto the sidewalk together, and, since they're far enough for other people not to see, Dave pulls the jacket onto himself. Karkat wonders if his legs are still cold in his shorts, and frowns realizing that they probably are, and he should’ve just let Dave change.</p><p> </p><p>“Are we going somewhere? Or just walking?” Dave asks, hands crossed over his chest.</p><p> </p><p>Karkat stops walking. “I don’t think we should be friends.”</p><p> </p><p>Dave stops, too, and turns around to face Karkat, who he had walked a little past. “What?” His eye’s flicker around Karkat’s face, looking for him to break out in a smile and announce that he’s only kidding. Dave grabs Karkat’s arm and pulls him into the nearest alleyway to give them the semblance of privacy. “What are you talking about?”</p><p> </p><p>“Dave,” Karkat sighs. “Don’t make this harder than it is.”</p><p> </p><p>“No, what the fuck is this?” Dave asks, scowling. His grip is still tight on his arm, and Karkat is reminded of the night where he dragged him down this same street, to his car parked by a bar, and then drove him home. That night had been nice despite Karkat’s drunkness. He and Dave laughed while in the car, and Dave had picked out his pajamas and chucked them in a ball at him before leaving. When Karkat woke up that morning, there was a cup of water next to his bed and a note with a smiley face on it, written distinctly by Dave.</p><p> </p><p>“I- I don’t think-”</p><p> </p><p>“Exactly! You don’t think! Ever! Why would you make a joke like that?”</p><p> </p><p>Karkat shakes his head. “I’m not joking.”</p><p> </p><p>“Stop it.” Dave hisses, and then pushes his hands against Karkat’s shoulders. Karkat stumbles back, but not enough to really affect him. “You’re not being funny!”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not trying to!” Karkat counters. “I can’t keep hanging out with you. I think it would be better for the both of us.”</p><p> </p><p>“But I- I like hanging out with you.”</p><p> </p><p>“You shouldn’t. I am a bad person. And you’re- Dave, you’re good.”</p><p> </p><p>“Stop saying that! Sure, you hang with bad people, but you aren’t like them!”</p><p> </p><p>“I am just like them. I- I hurt people. I put people in hospitals.”</p><p> </p><p>Dave opens his mouth to say something, but freezes. His mouth hangs open for a second, his jaw wavering slightly as if he can’t decide whether or not to say something. Then it closes. After a second, he says, “Rose didn’t go to the hospital.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not talking about Rose.”</p><p> </p><p>Dave wraps his arms around himself, silent and looking at the wall next to Karkat. Slowly, he talks again. “You have to stop hanging out with them.”</p><p> </p><p>“You have to stop seeing the best in people when they’ve done nothing to deserve it.” Karkat counters.</p><p> </p><p>“You do deserve it.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m going to get you hurt.”</p><p> </p><p>Dave looks up at him. His eyes had been watery and sad, but it only takes a second for his look to turn determined. “Fine.” He says, voice steely.</p><p> </p><p>“Fine?” Karkat asks, confused.</p><p> </p><p>“Fine! I’ll get hurt! You’re worth it.”</p><p> </p><p>Karkat’s eyes widen. “No!” He exclaims. “You idiot. No.”</p><p> </p><p>Dave is scowling deeply now, unlike the playful scowl he normally sports when talking to Karkat. “Don’t you want to be friends with me?”</p><p> </p><p>Dave thinking that Karkat doesn’t like him is perhaps the worst thing could happen, because Dave had quickly become the best thing in his life in the matter of two months. “Yes! Of course I do. But getting you hurt isn’t a risk I’m willing to take!”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, I am!” Dave’s fists are by his side and they’re almost shaking, though Karkat can’t fathom why someone would want to fight for him. It makes him yearn to apologize and call himself dumb and go buy Dave a milkshake.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not giving you an option!”</p><p> </p><p>“That isn’t your choice to make! You don’t get to just call off our friendship whenever! That’s not how this works!”</p><p> </p><p>Karkat doesn’t like fighting. This is quite possibly the third worst thing he’s done, after Jake and Rose, and he wants it to be over. The quicker it’s over, the quicker Karkat stops feeling like a hole is burning through his heart.“We’re not talking about this anymore!”</p><p> </p><p>“Stop it!” Dave yells desperately.</p><p> </p><p>“You had friends before me, and you’ll have friends after me, it’s fine! You’ll be fine!”</p><p> </p><p>“No, I won’t! Stop pretending- pretending that-” Dave looks frantic.</p><p> </p><p>“That what?”</p><p> </p><p>“That I don’t matter to you!”</p><p>“You do!” Karkat shouts, his hands gesticulating in an explosion of motion, unable to convey how utterly wrong Dave is. “You’re everything! That’s why I’m doing this! To protect you!”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t need your protection!”</p><p> </p><p>“I need to protect you!”</p><p> </p><p>Dave looks like he wants to pull his own hair out. “Why? Why does this matter so much to you?!”</p><p> </p><p>“Because I’m in love with you!” The world goes to a screeching halt. Karkat’s chest is heaving from the screaming match, and the both of them have gone completely frozen. Despite not being cold at all, Karkat feels a shiver run through his body. His limbs feel like jelly and his stomach has a horrible sinking feeling that makes him feel like he might fall over. His mind feels incomprehensibly foggy.</p><p> </p><p>And yet…</p><p> </p><p>Everything feels clear. There it is- he’s said it. It’s done. He can’t take it back, and he doesn’t think he would if he could because it feels so right to say. Karkat had first seen Dave and had an inexplicable attraction to him, and then he hit him over the head with a bottle, and Karkat had been more dazed from the boy than the weapon. He hadn’t even been mad. He complimented Dave, looking at Dave’s dumbstruck, open-mouthed face, Karkat can’t find it in himself to feel a shred of regret. All he can think is I love you I love you I love you I love you and he doesn’t want to think anything else. In a moment or two, Dave will come to his senses and leave, or maybe start to beat the shit out of him, and Karkat is going to let him because there isn’t a thing in this world that could make him not love Dave Strider.</p><p> </p><p>“You… ” Dave says breathlessly, unmoving. Like a deer in headlights.</p><p> </p><p>“I love you.” Karkat repeats, softly, this time, to let himself have it before Dave’s shock wears off at his friend being a traitor and slams his head into the wall.</p><p> </p><p>When Dave lifts his hand, Karkat flinches, and Dave freezes. Karkat marvels at how he didn’t hit him as his cold hand slowly comes to rest against his cheek.</p><p> </p><p>“Dave?” The name escapes from his lips.</p><p> </p><p>“Karkat.” Dave is kissing them. It takes a moment to register, given that Karkat was clenching his jaw, bracing himself for pain instead. He remains shocked for a few moments and then shifts into action, placing one hand on the nape of Dave’s neck and the other on his hip, pulling him as close to him as possible, wanting to feel everything possible as he’s absorbed in the need to kiss him. He felt as though everything he needed was here, the warmth in Dave’s lips overruling the chill starting to creep up on his skin and-</p><p> </p><p>Chills- Karkat remembers they are outside, exposed and vulnerable. He slowly steps back, disconnecting from his lips as if it hurt. “We-we should really talk about this. Not here.”</p><p> </p><p>Dave smiled that smile of his, even and full. “Yeah,” He said, his cheeks flushed and his voice high. “We should.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hhh honestly im just gonna post the rest now. spacing apart the chapters were just to help it get more views on a regular basis but this isn’t doing nearly as well as the original and tbh i have to orphan it after the epilogue for personal reasons (i’m niiiiix)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“So…” Terezi says from behind Rose, holding a bottle of lemonade in each hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rose is organizing one of her tables in her room again, but whirls around with a jump. “Jesus!” She shouts, about ten feet in the air. She looks at Terezi with crazy eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Aren’t you Jewish?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I- yes. Why don’t you warn a guy?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck that.” Terezi winces. “Be more vigilant.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh,” Rose frowns as it suddenly occurs to her why Terezi is here. She extends one lemonade out to Rose and she takes it but doesn’t unscrew it, instead placing it on her table and clasping her hands together. She waits for her to talk, but she just kind of… stares. As best she can, anyway. Terezi and her had never really gotten along- she tended to hang around John and Kaye more often, or Kanaya, but Rose never liked hanging around her and Kanaya together. However, she’s been hanging around a lot less since she and Kanaya had… Well. And that’s what Rose assumes Terezi is there for.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Truth be told, Rose isn’t entirely sure on how Terezi feels. She knows that she and Kanaya weren’t dating or anything, but she also knows that Kanaya isn’t the smartest troll around when it comes to feelings and that Terezi probably wanted them to be. Or maybe she didn’t, because Rose has no way of knowing. She only knew that when Kanaya had kissed her he was so glad it was Rose and not her. It felt selfish- especially now, looking at Terezi’s slightly sad face. Rose’s good at reading people. She’s trying to hide it, but she can tell anyways.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wanted to talk to you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I… assumed.” Rose says tensely.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um,” Terezi starts, wringing out her fingers and chewing on her bottom lip. She doesn’t see her look nervous, often. She’s one of the most stubborn girls he knows, because she has to be, when dealing with a circus overrun by human boys. Dealing with the mainly male people who underestimate her when she’s just trying to get popcorn from a suitable supplier or some other important task required a certain set of skills that made Terezi an admirable person, though Rose had always been too jealous to admit it. She had understood why Kanaya was attracted to her. That’s why it hurt so badly. “I don’t know what to say. I’m not mad at you, or anything. I don’t want you to think that. I mean, I am upset,” She furrows her eyebrows. “And… confused. Very confused. Because I didn’t think Kanaya would ever like a human-” Terezi pauses. “Right.” She says. “But. Yeah. Rose, I really like you, and I really like Kanaya- I mean. As a friend. Now, I like her as a friend. And not in a pale way, or anything. Before, well- I mean, before doesn’t matter. I just still want to be okay with the both of you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rose looks at the jittery girl trying her best and smiles, because she never would get this nervous about anything, even when she was so stressed about Rose being bed-ridden that she genuinely started losing hair. She knows that she actually cares, and that matters. “It’s okay, Terezi. I’m not mad at you- and Kanaya? Why would she be mad at you? You’re fine. I promise.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Terezi smiles. “Okay. Great.” She says softly, looking relieved. “And I’m sorry about everything.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rose shakes her head. “No… don’t apologize, please. You didn’t do anything wrong. Kanaya and I are the shitbags here, kind of.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You are wonderful, Terezi. And you deserve someone who is going to love you unconditionally. And that’s… not Kanaya.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. Kanaya chose you.” Terezi answers, sounding a little forlorn.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry.” Rose says. “That was insensitive of me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Terezi shakes her head. “No. You’re absolutely right.” She sighs, unscrews her lemonade, and holds it out to her like she’s giving a cheer. “And Kanaya’s really good at sex. It wouldn’t be fair of me to keep her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rose bursts out hysterically laughing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>__________</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Parked on the side of the road is an ice cream truck shaking back and forth vigorously. An outsider may see this sight and wonder what is going on inside- perhaps, a fight? Or maybe something much more adult.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Either of these assumptions would be wrong, because inside of the ice cream truck is two boys, one laughing wickedly with a washable marker in his grip, and the other one screeching about ink poisoning and how he’s not going to let “neon blue marker” be his cause of death after an autopsy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re going to defile me!” Dave cries out, clamoring away from Karkat. Running from someone while both being in a cramped truck proves to be very hard, and it doesn’t take long for Karkat to draw lines all up and down Dave’s exposed arms, as well as even getting a few dashes across his face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I plan on doing much more than just defiling you, Dave!” Karkat calls back with glee, finally being able to get Dave into a corner. However, his victory is quickly squashed as Dave finds his own marker and begins to retaliate. The two laugh and draw on each other's skin, though the fun of the game fizzles out rather quickly when you have freezers filled with ice cream and cabinets of illegal substances blocking every twist and turn Dave tries to take to maneuver himself away from the marker. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Dave has blue lines up and down his arms and on his collar bone, it finally clicks that he’s not going to be able to stop Karkat, especially when he ended up pressed against the back of the driver’s seat and looking up Karkat, who very, very slowly leaned in, who was just an inch away from Dave’s face. Who then poked him on the nose with the marker and laughed triumphantly. “You’re such an asshole!” Dave had cried, and didn’t mean it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now, they’re both sitting cross-legged on the floor, the truck giving just enough room for it to be comfortable. They are drawing on each other’s skin in silence. Dave listens to how Karkat breathes, occasionally stealing glances at his face. He’s doodling small flowers on Karkat’s right palm as Karkat focuses on Dave’s shoulder, drawing what feels like lines that have no specific patterns, since Dave hasn’t checked what’s drawn there yet. However, he did assure Karkat that he’d spit on him if he drew dicks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It had actually been very awkward. For Dave, at least. He almost said that he would break up with Karkat if he did this, but caught himself- breaking up is so presumptuous, since he can’t even say they’re dating, yet. They haven’t talked about it, though they said they would. They haven’t done much of anything, really, except for getting really close to each other and then nothing happening</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s hard, because Dave can finally allow himself to love Karkat, and he knows Karkat loves him. When they kissed, Dave felt… whole. Like he had everything perfect, because he did. He has so many people he loves and so many people who love him, and he’s got a job and a place to stay at night and a family and he’s so happy, and it’s almost perfect. He just needs to figure out what Karkat is. And then he needs to make sure Rose doesn’t hate him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rose. The thought of that makes him stop drawing, pausing the coloring of a flower petal that is resting on the heel of Karkat’s palm under his thumb. He still doesn’t know how Rose is going to react to Karkat, and he doesn’t want to bring it up, too scared that he’ll chase Karkat away. Everything with him feels incredibly fragile. Like a sneeze could break it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dave hates it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He thinks- he knows- it’s because it’s not real yet. They need to talk about it. And even then, it wouldn’t be real until Dave could tell the other most important people in his life about it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dave thought differently once, but that’s all changed. He thought that he’d choose Rose and the circus, but now he’s not sure. Choosing between the circus and Karkat is an impossibility. He simply has to make it all work.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He loves everyone too much to let anyone go. He can’t do it. He won’t.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>__________</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Karkat is playing the world’s best game of connect-the-dots right now, tracing the shapes of the freckles and beauty marks on Dave’s shoulder. He can feel Dave’s breath against his forearm as he scribbles endlessly on his palm, just lightly enough that one of his fingers would occasionally twitch because it tickled and Dave would tell him to “shut up” out of force of habit, even though Karkat didn’t make a noise.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Briefly, Karkat wonders how Dave would react if he pressed a kiss to his shoulder. The thought makes Karkat smile to himself and his eyes dart to Dave’s face, looking at it screwed in concentration. It’s kind of funny to watch such an intense face draw such innocent looking flowers, but Karkat doesn’t want to make a comment, too nervous to break the almost-magic sort of aura in the safety of his ice cream truck. Dave’s eyes flick to him and they meet, stunned for a second, before both quickly looking away and not saying anything of it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once again, Karkat’s thoughts turn back to kissing Dave. What if he kissed every freckle after he’s done connecting them? Or what if he went a little higher, to Dave’s neck? How would he react? Would he like it? What sounds would he make?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Stop pressing so hard.” Dave says, lifting his head back up and snapping Karkat out of his trance.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Huh?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re pressing so hard. It’s scratchy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry. Meant no harm, my little fuckface.” He coos. Dave blushes, flustered, and turns back to his work.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They return back to the magical nugget of silence, even when Karkat caps his pen and sets it down next to Dave’s thigh. He reverts his attention to Dave’s work, deciding to take his first good look at it now that he’s not so enamored with a fucking shoulder; on his palm and fingers is bunches of tiny red flowers with six petals each, the petals filled in in an alternating pattern, leaving the other three petals and the pistil as just outlines. It makes him giddy, looking at the drawings. A bunch of tiny reminders that Dave Strider doesn’t hate him, that Dave Strider loves him back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Oh.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Karkat won’t get ahead of himself, because Dave actually didn’t say that. But he feels like he does, which he tries to tell himself is enough. He doesn’t want to force Dave to say anything he doesn’t want. However, it was Dave who kissed him, and he gets giddy again because of this. He doesn’t know what comes over him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He leans forward and presses the softest kiss to the smooth skin of Dave’s shoulder, who lets out the tiniest gasp in response. Karkat relishes in it, and does it again. Karkat hears the clear sound of a pen falling to the floor. Encouraged by this, he goes a little higher, closer to the junction by his neck, a little higher, a little higher. He pulls Dave as close to him as possible by the hips and their knees knock together, keeping them in a bit of an awkward position but Karkat can’t possibly care less.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Karkat,” Dave says breathlessly as his hands go to rest on Karkat’s shoulder, his grip tight.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mm?” Karkat hums against his skin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Karkat, uh-” Dave says, his voice sounding a little more put together. “Karkat, wait.” He finally says after clearing his throat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Karkat jerks back and pulls his hands off of Dave like his skin is hot coals, even going as far as to scoot back an inch so their knees aren’t touching. “Sorry. I’m sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No! No, don’t-” Dave starts, grabbing Karkat’s arm. “You didn’t do anything wrong. I promise. I just want to… talk?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Talk?” Karkat parrots, and then nods. “Yeah. I was thinking that, too. I was just thinking about… not talking, a little more.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dave blushes again. “Shut up, Karkat!” He hisses.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes. Exactly.” Karkat smirks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No! That’s not what I meant, and you know it.” Dave huffs. “Seriously, Karkat.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. Serious.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dave nods once, opens his mouth to start talking, and then Karkat promptly bursts into laughter. It takes him a few minutes to calm down, but when he does, he motions for Dave to go. “As I was saying,” Dave glares. “I wanted to talk. About. Um…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Go on…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shut up. Us. I want to talk about us.” Dave continues. Karkat nods. “I want there to be an us.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Aw, shit.” Karkat smiles. “I want there to be an us, too. But-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But?” Dave asks. His face falls.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But… Serket. Rose. The whole damn world. We can’t even be a… a real, normal couple.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dave furrows his eyebrows together. “Sure, we can. Just be secret about it. You’re still my boyfriend, even if nobody knows it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Boyfriend!” Karkat tried the human word for it out in an alarmingly loud tone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The smaller boy scrunches up his nose and sticks out his tongue, but his cheeks are red nonetheless. “Karkat. You don’t have to stay with the gang. Really. Come live with me at the circus. Get away from those no-good shitbrains.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Moving in! We sure are moving fast.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m serious, Kar. As death. Rose will forgive you- they all will. They’ll love you! You’ll fit right in! Might be awkward at first-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dave, even if I did, what if they don’t like people like us? I don’t-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rose and Kanaya are dating.” Dave says quickly. “Everyone’s fine with it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really? I thought Kanaya and that other girl…” Karkat lets his voice trail off. “No. Dave, no. Rose would throw me out and then they’d never let you see me again. I’m not risking it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Karkat, please-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you.” Karkat says, because he can. “I love you. For right now, can that please be enough? I’m... scared. Of everything. Of losing you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dave’s expression softens and he scoots forward, putting one his hand on Karkat’s cheek like their first kissing and planting his lips on his, holding for a few seconds before pulling back and resting their foreheads together. “I love you, too.” Dave says softly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They kiss on the floor of an ice cream truck, with the doors shut and locked tight.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>__________</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dave is glaring at Karkat for the eight-thousandth time from the inside of the circus. Once again, Karkat, like a dumbass, just walked to the entrance. He doesn’t understand how lucky he is that nobody has anything to do by the doorway except the Mayor, who somehow still believes that Karkat is a “secret agent”.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So lucky.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Karkat looks back at him helplessly from the doorway, his arms suspended in a shrug. “Sorry,” he mouths, as though that would solve it all. He’d stuck his head in before walking in, at least making sure the coast was clear. And for some reason, he considered the Mayor fine to be around, which Dave disagreed with but wouldn’t argue about.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dave sees the Mayor brighten up immediately, then go blank, as if he’d told himself to be cool (he probably did). He put his popcorn stuff down, looked around incredibly obviously, then jumping up to Karkat. “Hi!” He says loudly, then quickly hushing his tone. “Did you catch the bad businessmen on their way to steal the Queen’s jewels yet?” He whispers behind his palm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dave’s eyebrow raises inquisitively. Karkat grins at him before lowering himself to whisper back. Because he’s slightly better at this whole “secret agents” thing, Dave doesn’t hear him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>the Mayor beams up at him as he stands up. “Woah, Kark-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dave jumps in, brushing a hand over the Mayor’s mouth. “Shush! This is top-secret, you can’t go spewing this crap around!” He intervenes, throwing a light swear in there so he would know he was serious. He moves his hand away, and the Mayor stands up straighter and salutes Karkat before walking back to the popcorn stand, poorly concealing a smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Karkat smirks at Dave as they leave, already knowing he would blow up at him as soon as it was safe.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What the hell, dude! You need to be more-” He sighs. “You need to be careful in the first place. You can’t just shove your big ass head into the tent flaps and hope that the Mayor and I are the only ones around, it’s too risky.” He says, his hands flailing around in frustration.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, I’m sorry, I promise to have some level of caution before shoving what is, in your words, ‘my big ass head’ in things” Karkat smiles his shit-eating grin before stepping ahead of Dave and spinning around, holding his arms out. “Is that what you wanted to hear?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dave sighs wearily. “Not exactly,” He looks up at him. “So, where are we going?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Karkat pulls his keys out of his pocket and spins them around his fingertips. “You up for another ride?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>__________</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, and five cents is your change!” Dave says, dropping a nickel into the palm of a boy outside while Karkat handed him an ice cream cone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Karkat looks up at him, just a bit struck. “You’re really good at this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dave snorts. “Probably because I don’t look like I would use a fucking ice cream truck as a drug front.” He says, hopping on top of the freezer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You also are super fucking cute when you interact with the kids.” Karkat says, leaning against it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dave rolls his eyes, ignoring the pink rising in his cheeks and ears. “Yeah, well. I’m used to it, I guess. the Mayor’s like a little brother to me,” He kicks his feet against the freezer and leans back. “He’s the first person who loved me, I think. Real, unobligated love.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s a really cute kid,” Karkat agrees. He waits a moment before asking, “So, d’ya wanna try to drive the truck?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dave looks up at him with wide eyes. “What? No. I think you need a special license for these things. Actually, you probably need one to sell ice cream, too, so if I wreck this thing, you’re totally fucked. And that’s not even mentioning the sopor slime.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Karkat shakes his head. “Nah. You’re a better driver than I am, and I haven’t gotten hurt yet. It’ll be fine. It’s really fun; I’ll even let you push the speaker button that plays the music.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dave bites his lip and tries, really tries, to not want to drive the truck. Karkat tosses him the keys and hops into the passenger seat. “C’mere, I’ll show you what’s different between this and a normal truck.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dave jumps off the freezer and hesitates. “What if I crash it? What if I hit a kid? What if I somehow manage to get the police to show up, and they find the drugs, and take you away?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What, and you think you wouldn’t be taken, too?” Karkat says with no hostility, just playful teasing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh. Yeah, I guess. I was just thinking about you…” He says, voice trailing off as heat rises in his cheeks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Aw, gee, Dave, always thinking of me, aren’t you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shut up,”He mumbles, settling himself in the driver’s seat and immediately pulling the chair forwards because his legs weren’t as damn long as Karkat’s. He buckled up before he even started the engine. “So?” He asks, gesturing towards the wheel in front of him. “What’s changed?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That,” Karkat says, pointing to a purple button. “Plays the music.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They’re both silent for a moment.“That’s it?” Dave asks incredulously, a bit annoyed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, and the rights go hard, but other than that, yeah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dave could hit him (or kiss him). He scoffs. “Where am I even going? What the fuck.” He says, freaking out, his hands clenching the slightly-too-large steering wheel.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Karkat laughs. “Well, we’re selling to kids right now, so probably not to a bank. Or a strip club.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dave did hit him this time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s a park a couple blocks away. I’ll tell you the way.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>__________</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You are really good at this,” Karkat repeats after their final sale, emphasizing the ‘really’. “Maybe we should split the business- you handle the ice cream, and I’ll take care of the sopor slime.” He closes the window and shuts the door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Or,” Dave suggests. “We entirely take out the sopor slime aspect and actually earn money legally.” He offers, crossing his arms.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hm…” Karkat said, tapping a finger on his chin as though he were actually considering it. “Nah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dave glares at him. “You’re insufferable,” He smiles as Karkat leans in, pushing him against the freezer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And you adore it.” He says, bumping the side of his nose against his before making contact. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And, wow, did he ever. If sitting through Karkat’s dumbassery all day long meant he got to do this at the end of the day, he’d deal with hundreds. Just to feel this incredible thing Karkat was doing with his jaw, pushing it forward and pulling back. It left Dave with absolutely no choice but to wrap his arms around his neck- he couldn’t have him going anywhere.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’d listen to thousands of his swears to experience the way his breath got pulled out of him as Karkat moved past his jaw and down towards his neck. He was breathless, in a good way, for the first time. He didn’t think he could put it into words- the warmth, the little bit of wet that was slightly sticky with Rocket Pop sugar on his lips. It was nothing he’d ever known, and now all he knew was that as he jumped on top of the freezer was that he’d do anything for Karkat Vantas.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>__________</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Karkat walks through his front door, feeling just a bit lovesick over Dave. His mood almost entirely disappeared in an instant, when he realized he was in his god forsaken apartment. He thinks for a moment about just how much he hated it here, it just feels like evil and wrongdoing. Any good action done here was immediately fouled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span> It took him a moment to hear the knocking at the front door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He runs his fingers through his hair, pretending that makes a difference. He isn’t sure what he expects when he opens the door, but it isn’t Sollux.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh. Sollux, hello. This isn’t really a great time for me. I-” He says as Sollux pushes past him into his apartment. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where have you been?” Sollux asks. Arms folded. Brows furrowed. Angry from context.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean?” He says after, as though he hadn’t made the first comment at all. Sollux plays along. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Vrithka athked about you the other day, and I realithed that the latht time I thaw you, you were weird. Really fucking off. You thaid thomething about red markerth and popthicleth.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Karkat threw his hands into the air. “Yeah, and? I was high, dumbass. I can never control what flies out of my mouth sober, let alone whilst I’m on slime, dude. And since when do I owe you any sort of explanations? It’s not like I’m some fucking core member or anything. I sell you guys sopor slime for a couple dollars cheaper than usual, and in return I don’t get my ass kicked. So who fucking cares what I do when I’m not around you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sollux leaned in, like everything he was saying was lost if they were two feet apart. “Vrithka careth, becauthe the thinkth you’re fucking around with the freakth.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Karkat shuts his mouth. For once in his goddamn life.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you?” He presses.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Am I what, Sollux? What do you need to know? Am I spending all my freetime with some fucking freaks? What do you think the answer is?” Karkat blows up, his hands tossing through the air. He feels manic. His hair is everywhere, his lips are still puffy and he’s probably got hickeys on his chest, but all he feels is fear-powered rage. His feet unable to stay still, they tap the floor with every enunciation of his words.  His hands flash through the air, unwilling to stay at his sides.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His eyes are the worst. They’re cloudy, and welling up with tears. He can’t exactly explain why, because he’s been in worse situations without doing so much as frowning. They’re frantic, darting from Sollux’s eyes to his crossed arms to his chest to his face-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He can’t stop moving, he can’t stop going. He feels like a lit stick of dynamite, and he hasn’t even been fully confronted yet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeth.” Sollux says slowly, looking up to his eyes. “I think that you do thpend all your free time with the circuth. I don’t know exactly what you’re doing there, but you clearly are. The flier, Karkat. One of them athked me for your fucking name, and that wath after…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“After what?” Karkat says quietly even if his tone was filled with anger. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“After you called him attractive, Karkat. You thurely aren’t that fucking thtupid, are you? He wath clearly a human, and you ignored that. Then called him hot. To my fathe.” Sollux was speaking fast now, and he didn’t know quite how to keep up with him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t understand, he just looked like a troll.” Karkat’s hands slowly fell, as if somebody had lit a candle and found out it was dynamite.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of courthe you don’t.” Sollux says, laughing bitterly and pushing his tongue underneath his bottom lip. “You never did.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Karkat thought he saw his eyes get just a bit glossier. He stays quiet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not for one thecond when I lied to my own damn family for you did you think about why . Not for a minute when I walk you home, or thtay behind with you. You don’t understand because you don’t fucking thee! You’re a blind athhole, Vantath! You’re obliviouth to anything you don’t want to thee, and you never want to thee me!” Sollux’s crying, now, and Karkat’s halted. Sollux fluctuates between aggressive and pitiful and Karkat has not one clue as to how to handle that. “I did everything tho I could get just fractionth of your attention, and not once did you fucking care.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t know you were pale-“</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No thit you didn’t know! You don’t know anything! You don’t know what Vrithka thayth to me, after the gang has all left. You don’t know how much the terrifieth me. You don’t know how much I rithk by loving you.” His voice breaks on the last sentence, speaking more out of fear than anger now. His golden tears fall to the floor, untouched. His hands make fists and his sides, and his breathing is cracked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sollux, I…” He trails off, not knowing what to say. He honestly had expected him to cut him off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sollux looks at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t love me.” Karkat states.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” He said shakily. “I do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, Sol,” He shakes his head. “That’s not-that’s not love. Wanting to be seen is just… wanting to be acknowledged, or validated by anybody. That’s not love.” Karkat finds his voice somewhere in all the emotion. “You were obsessed, Sollux. You needed somebody that had something in common with you to latch onto. I can’t be that for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But you can. You can, and you choothe not to. I don’t thee why; we can work it out! Vrithka doethn’t have to know. Nobody doeth, and we can be happy. Jutht like before, it’ll be the thame, we can do thopor thlime and you can even-“ Sollux was frantic, speeding up as he went along. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sollux, no.” Karkat says, taking a firm grip on his arm. “Stop,” He says softly, as though it would fix everything. “Just stop, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No! Why thhould I? I did everything for you. And you chothe a literal freak. How ith he better? I’ve known you for longer, I’ve done everything for you! What more could you want?” His voice wavers as tears fall onto his cheeks once again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sol, I…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sollux looks down at him. He jerks his arm from Karkat’s grip and wipes his tears roughly. “You’ll regret thith.” He says with a sense of finality, and leaves.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Karkat has no clue how he’s supposed to feel right now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>__________</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Dave exhales slowly, watching the air puff up in front of him in a disappearing cloud. He hated being just outside of the tent, especially at night, ever since the Serket gang. But recently, he’s hated being inside the tent more. He feels like a liar and a traitor, speaking to Rose using the same lips that have kissed Karkat, and told Karkat he loves him. He doesn’t know that he could spend any time around Rose besides practice without feeling guilty, honestly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Which just makes him feel worse, like the only time that he isn’t stressed out about Karkat is when he is actually there and-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Oh. Speak of the devil.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looks up as a weighted hand is placed on his shoulder, instinctively leaning into Karkat’s hand. “Hey, Karkles.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sat down onto the curb next to him. “I know, I know,” He starts out in a joking yet defensive manner. “I should be in my apartment, wallowing, or hurting people with Serket,” He looks at him sideways. “But, it’s nighttime, and there’s no performance. Maybe this is okay?” The corners of his mouth tugged upwards. Karkat was always smiling around him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dave looks at him, reassured. “Yeah. Everyone’s inside and busy. I think we’re good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Karkat drops his hand to the curb. “Hey, I was thinking…” Dave takes his pinkie in his. “I was considering… Um.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Spit it out, Karkat.” Dave says, squeezing his hand softly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Leaving the gang. I just- they aren’t my scene, anymore. I don’t agree with what they do, they go too far.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dave’s jaw dropped in surprise. “Karkat, really? That’s great! Oh, my Gosh, that’s… Does this mean you’ll consider coming with me? And the circus?” He’s taken Karkat’s whole hand at this point, witnesses be damned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t fucking know, Dave. I just don’t know that I could redeem myself to Rose.” Karkat says dismissively. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kat, the fact that you even care about how Rose feels reaffirms my belief.” He says with hope in his moon-lit eyes. “I believe,” He says before Karkat can ask (his mouth hanging open like a slack-jawed idiot) (a cute one). “That Rose, Kanaya- they’ll all get over it, with time. We can do this, Karkat. They’ll learn why I love you. They’ll understand, eventually. If we love each other,” He stops, just to stare at the beauty in Karkat’s eyes, the way faith brightened them ten times over. “It can’t be wrong.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And Dave’s found the ‘something’ inside of him, because it wasn’t quite inside of him all along. The ‘something’ was really the love he felt for Karkat, the love that ran between their hands and eyes. It was pure, and full, and wholly rightful. He wishes he could spend forever in that moment, tuck it into his pocket. His own corner of infinity.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Karkat turns around. “Did you hear that?” He asks, not letting go.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dave rolls his eyes and nods. “Yeah. It’s probably just Roxy and John being big, strong, masculine men. I’m gonna go check on them.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He  stands up and leaves Karkat behind, fully intending on returning.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>__________</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The shouting has grown significantly louder, Karkat realizes suddenly. It makes his stomach twist, and he taps his foot anxiously. It could have been mistaken for a small spat earlier, something between friends that turned a bit too sour, but the shouting has got too loud. I have no right to look, he tells himself. If the circus people got in a fight, that’s none of his business. Don’t go poking your head in things that ain’t yours, Karkat thinks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And as the shouting continues, Karkat is struck with one of the worst realizations of his life.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He can hear Dave’s shouts piercing the air, though he’s not able to understand what he’s saying, but that’s not what’s so horrible- the terrible part is that Dave’s voice is not the only voice that he recognizes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He hears Serket. And soon, he realizes he can occasionally hear the voices of Sollux, Gamzee, Eridan, and Feferi.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His blood is ice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Slowly, he pulls back the flap of the back entrance to the circus and peeks his head in like he’s done only a few times before, but this time his stomach drops. In two definitive clumps are the Serket Gang, and across from them is the Circus. Now, with his head inside, he can hear what Serket is shouting.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“..is he?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We don’t know who you’re talking about.” A boy from the circus side says, though their backs are facing him so Karkat can’t see who. He knows all their names from matching the acts to the fliers, but has only heard Dave’s voice before. And the Mayor’s, who luckily, must be somewhere else because he can’t see. And Rose’s, from when she was screaming. Karkat shudders.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We won’t hurt any of you if you tell us where that fucking traitor is!” Vriska sneers. Karkat knows, bone-deep, innately, that Vriska is talking about him, and he feels his knees buckle.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck off, Serket!” Dave cries, and Karkat’s suspicions are immediately confirmed by the desperation in his voice. “You’re crazy! We don’t know where anyone in your stupid gang is!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There’s an eerie silence. When Vriska speaks next, her voice is lowered. “I wouldn’t be talking if I were you, Strider.” She says menacingly. “Insulting me and fucking lying to me all in one breath.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dave’s not lying.” A voice says. Karkat guesses it’s Kanaya, the rainbow drinker. “We’re really serious, Serket. We swear we don’t know. Really. Please go.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“No.” Vriska continues in his low, fake calm. “No, because now I’m fucking mad that this little asshole has the fucking balls to lie straight to my face when I know exactly what he’s up to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Karkat’s head feels foggy as he watches the scene, unmoving. If he gives himself up, maybe Serket will leave everyone alone. Maybe he’ll just take Karkat to the back like an old dog and kill him, nice and quick, and then it will be all over and Dave will move on and then nobody- but Karkat- gets hurt. Maybe that’s best. Except Karkat can’t move, because he very suddenly has something to live for, and a future to look forward too, and he can’t bring himself to give it away. And maybe Dave can pull this off. Maybe…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who takes it up the ass? You, or Vantas?” Gamzee taunts. “Please say it’s Vantas. That would be fucking hilarious. Come on. Really.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s he talking about, Dave?” Says a girl’s voice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shut up.” Dave bites back. “Vriska, are you and your goons on drugs? Are you actually insane? What makes you think I would sleep with one of the pigs in your rancid gang? Leave! You’re embarrassing yourself!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I don’t think I am!” Vriska shouts back, her voice booming. Karkat watches Dave flinch, his heart hammering out of his chest. His mind is screaming for him to run in, to give himself up, but he’s frozen in fear. The need to protect Dave is raging inside him, yet he’s choking on air. He can’t move. It’s all he wants to do, and he simply cannot. He watches everything unfold through a sliver of space. Helplessly. “I fucking know he’s here!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re insane!” Another voice yells.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then Serket takes a fast step forward and snarls; everyone on the opposing side collectively takes a flinching step back, except for Dave. Except for that idiot. That fucking idiot.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The next sentence comes out almost as a laugh. “His car is in the parking lot.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Karkat feels himself wither away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The next voice is Sollux, who Karkat finds he now has a roaring hatred for. He knows that the only reason this could be happening, that Vriska could know, would be that Sollux had took that big, stupid mouth of his and sold Karkat out because he was so weak and embarrased from his rejection that the only thing he could do was try to hurt Karkat back, and hurt him worse. “Lithten, we don’t care what thtupid interthpecieth thit you do. Jutht tell us where KK is and we’ll deal with you later.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fucking give it up already!” Sollux shouts, and surges forwards towards Dave. It only takes a second for everything to change- it only takes a second for Sollux to grab Dave’s arm, whirl him around, pull him against him to keep him in place, and press a knife to his neck. “Karkat!” Sollux shouts out into the tent. “Come out right now or-!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine!” Karkat shouts, and it comes out of him like a strangled cry from a dying animal. Every head turns to him, and Sollux’s paired with a determined anger. “Sollux, Sollux, Sollux...” Karkat is saying as he runs up to them, Dave’s eyes trained on him like two saucers. It takes Karkat a second or two to realize that Dave’s shaking his head, but there’s not going back now. “Come on, man. Let’s not make any rash decisions, right? There are witnesses. You’re smarter than this. You’re not going to do anything. You’re going to let him go. Come on.” Karkat lets his mouth run for him, not thinking, just saying whatever he can to make sure that that knife never sees the inside of Dave’s throat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tho, it’th really true?” Sollux asks incredulously, though his voice sounds hurt in a way Karkat assumes only he can hear. “You’ve been thneaking off with Thtrider to math bulgeth thith whole time?” He chuckles, like they’re playing a game with sticks and rubber toys. His laugh still sounds tense around the edges, though, reminding Karkat that this is anything but a game. “I think I’ve changed my mind. I think we’re gonna kill both of you, now.” Karkat hears Dave let out a whimper, and another shock of adrenaline shoots through his body like lightning.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Put the knife down, Sollux. Please. There are witnesses.” Karkat pleads with everything in him, hoping that if he sounds desperate enough, Sollux will take pity on him and let Dave go. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So w-we’ll take him outside, then.” Eridan suggests casually.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Or we’ll kill all of them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Someone behind Karkat grunts, and someone whispers something, and then there’s not another peep.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Put the knife down!” Karkat cries out, now aware that there are bright red tears spilling against his cheeks that he hadn’t bothered to pay attention to. His voice sounds desperate and it cracks wetly when he says ‘down’.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why? Becauthe you’re in love with him?” Sollux laughs. Once again, it sends a shiver down Karkat’s back with its double meaning. Sollux wants to hear it, Karkat sees. Sollux’s going to make him say it because that’s the only way he can make it real. He presses the knife against Dave’s neck harder, and Dave reacts by gasping and struggling against Sollux to no avail.Rose shouts an insult that Karkat doesn’t pay attention to while what seems to be every voice of the circus cries out some variation of ‘Stop!’ or ‘Dave!’.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes!” Karkat shouts. There’s a shocked sound from the peanut gallery and he wants to turn around and yell at them all to shut up, but now isn’t the time. “Yes, I’m in love with him. And I’ll fucking kill you if you hurt him, Sollux. Don’t you fucking doubt that for a fucking second-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Karkat-” Dave says, voice rough.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shut up!” Sollux shouts, and his arm jerks so the knife presses harder. Dave screams out and there’s blood. For a moment, Karkat thinks Sollux’s killed him, and he’s ready to fucking rip Sollux’s throat out his bare hands, but it quickly becomes apparent that he’s only knicked him. His heart rate decreases, if only minutely.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How about a deal?” Karkat asks. Dave shakes his head vigorously, but Sollux seems entranced by Karkat’s offer to notice. “You can kill me. Or you can do whatever. I don’t care. I’ll let you do whatever you want, I’ll do whatever you want. Just let him go. Leave him be.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You idiot!” Dave screams.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shut up!” Sollux and Karkat both answer at the same time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sollux looks like he contemplates it. “I’m gonna rip you apart, Vantath.” He says. Karkat has no doubt that he means this literally.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suddenly, Sollux tosses Dave forwards. He half-runs half-stumbles into Karkat’s arms, falling against him and looking at him with wild, tear filled eyes. “What are you doing? Karkat, what-” And then Rose is pulling Dave away from Karkat, pulling him into the relative safety of the group, looking at Karkat with the most angry, rage filled expression that he has ever seen. It’s almost in slow motion, really. Dave is pulled out of his arms, and Karkat realizes that that was the last time he would ever get to hold him, and Dave had been sobbing and bleeding and almost inconsolable. He’s screaming at Rose now, to let him go, to stop Karkat, but it falls upon deaf ears. Dave struggles against their grips, but Rose and Kanaya hold him back, and there’s nothing Dave can do except for writhe. Good. He’s safer that way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Karkat walks over to Sollux.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sollux grabs him by the back of the neck and holds the knife against his back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And without another word, they start walking towards the exit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Karkat can hear Dave gasping and sobbing behind him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Karkat is walking to his death. He is actually going to die now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Dave isn’t, so he’s okay with that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’s so caught up in his just death that he doesn’t hear the pounding footsteps, and he doesn’t register why Feferi would shout. He doesn’t realize anything is happening until the pressure of the tip of a knife against his back is pulled off and Sollux slams into the ground with a sickening crunch accompanied by the snap of a bone. Karkat stumbles back with his eyes wide to see that a large person is standing over Sollux- a person easily identifiable as John- and he’s now guarding the unmoving figure to make sure it doesn’t attack again. Karkat spins around to see that Serket is charging towards him. He lifts his fists up, ready to fight, but he doesn’t get the chance to make an impact. A ball of fire shoots out of nowhere and pins Serket to the ground- Karkat knows this ball of fire is named Jane Crocker, from Dave’s descriptions, though he’s never actually seen her or her boyfriend, Roxy, before because they’re behind the scenes. Jane is shouting obscenities and straddling Serket who looks too stunned to fight back as she claws at her face, dragging bright blue lines across it with her nails. Eridan, Feferi, and Gamzee, ever the sheep, stand there mindlessly because they’ve now lost their shepards. It doesn’t take long for Eridan to dash and Feferi to follow, but Gamzee lingers, staring at Karkat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Karkat takes a step forward, fully intending to beat the shit out of him, but Gamzee dashes over to his leader.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Stop it! Stop it, bitch!” He shouts at Jane. “Vriska, let’s go!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Who Karkat assumes to be Roxy is over there and pulling Jane off (“Call me that, again, I fucking dare you!”, she’s shouting) in an instant, and as soon as Vriska Serket stands up, Gamzee makes his way over to Sollux who undoubtedly has a broken shoulder from how John had landed on him when he jumped him. Gamzee heaves up Sollux without help from Vriska, who’s already left running with blood streaming from her face, and practically drags him out of the tent.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Circus and Karkat remain.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He collapses to his knees.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Karkat!” Dave shouts, and soon after, Karkat sees him kneel in front of him and wrap his arm around him. “Oh my god, oh my god.” He’s repeating, like a mantra. Karkat can feel how hard Dave’s breathing as he wraps his arms around him in return, strings of words falling from his lips that he’s too tired to figure out the meaning of, just knowing that they must be something comforting because Dave hugs him tighter. “I love you.” Dave says quietly, over and over.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you, too.” Karkat replies, because that’s the easiest thing in the world for him to say to Dave Strider.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re so dumb.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Karkat laughs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Karkat and Dave are so caught up in each other, enveloping each other in a tight embrace and reminding each other that they’re alive, that neither of them consider the other nine people in the tent, though the Mayor was given strict orders to stay in his room no matter what from Rose as soon as he saw the Serket’s gang. The other eight-Rose, Kanaya, John, Terezi, Elliot, Kaye, Jane, and Roxy- are all in varying levels of shock.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They all coupled off, originally- Terezi had latched herself onto John’s arm as he rubbed soothing circles on her back with the other one, Jane had been sobbing against Roxy’s chest, Rose had been standing silent with his arms crossed over her chest while Kanaya looked at him with abundant concern, and Elliot had been holding Kaye’s hands in his and pressing his lips against them- but all slowly clumped back together in a circle after a minute or two.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who is he?” Elliot is asking the group.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Karkat Vantas.” Rose said quietly, shaking her head in disbelief.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Elliot frowns. “Well, yeah, I got that. But who is he?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Part of Serket’s gang.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not anymore.” Jane says, peering over at the two that are still in the same position, yet their mouths are moving, so they must be saying something that she can’t hear. “Did anyone know?” She asks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not a clue.” Kanaya answers. Everyone else responds saying the same thing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That explains why he was acting so spotty.” Terezi says, pressing her lips together.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We need to make him leave. Now. He’s not safe.” Rose points out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kanaya looks at her, gaping. “Dave?” She whispers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No!” Rose responds. “Karkat. He’s the one that knifed me, Kanaya.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dave wouldn’t…” Kaye’s voice trails off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Karkat stays.” John says sternly, and every pair of eyes go to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t just get to decide that.” Roxy answers. “We should talk about it, at least.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Karkat goes.” Rose insists. “He’s not safe. I don’t feel safe around him. Guys-” Kanaya puts a hand on Rose’s back and she immediately goes silent, her voice tapering off into a shuddering gasp and she runs her hand over where her wound was from the knife before it healed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rose, Karkat just-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dave’s lied to us!” Rose bursts out. “He’s been lying to us and going behind our backs with some knife-wielding lunatic and he could’ve just gotten us all killed, for all I know!” She crosses her arms back over her chest and squares her jaw, looking at the ground. “He’s my best friend, he’s supposed to tell me everything. He didn’t even telling me- I didn’t even know that-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Stan.” Kanaya whispers quietly, and Rose folds into Kanaya’s arm, allowing herself to be engulfed in a hug.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A soft voice pierces the bubble around them. “Karkat can’t go back home alone. They know where he lives.” Dave says, sounding fragile. The gang member is standing, now, but is still a few feet back and holding himself, staring at the ground. “Please.” Dave adds.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dave…”  Jane says gingerly, taking a step forward. “Maybe it isn’t the best idea-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not letting him go home alone, so if you make him go, I go, too.” Dave says with a strict finality that hangs in the air with a malevolent tone, like a silks performer on an improper setting, bound to drop any second. Anyone knows that Dave would be virtually no help if the gang showed up to the apartment. They also know that Dave isn’t bluffing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll talk about this all later, okay? I promise. I just… need sleep.” He raises his fingertips to the knick on his throat, a small angry line that has stopped bleeding. “And a band-aid.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>last technical chapter! next one is just gonna be a couple paragraphs</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Karkat wakes up next to Dave for the first time of many.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s nice, too- much nicer than Karkat thought waking up could ever be. Instead of dreading his alarm clock and the bullcrap that entails, he gets to slow down. He can focus on the important stuff. Like Dave.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His matesprit is still asleep, which gives Karkat the opportunity to appreciate just how peaceful he looks when he sleeps. He felt kind of creepy, but when his eyes catch on the brown bandaid on his neck, he feels thankful that Dave is even here for him to look at.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He doesn’t stay asleep for much longer after Karkat. “What are you doing awake?” He says, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his palms. “You never get up this early.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Karkat tries to shrug, but his efforts are partially ruined by the pillow underneath him. “It’s easier to wake up with a reason right in front of me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dave’s cheeks are already flushed with sleep (something Karkat doesn’t even know could happen, but already loves), but his comment doesn’t help. “Shut up, ‘Karkles,” He yawns to hide a smile. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Karkat digs his nose behind Dave’s jawline, his hands scooting him in at the waist. “I love you.” He says into his neck, and Dave’s skin tickles with pleasure.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you, too,” Dave could feel his lips pull into a smile. “But I’ve gotta get up. Check on the others, get dressed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” Karkat exaggerates the ‘o’, his whine muffled by pillows. “I don’t want to let you go again.” He says, sounding quite like a child. Dave’s heart softens just a bit regardless.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have to, Kar. I literally have no other options.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Karkat pulls his head out and props himself up on his elbow. “You could run away with me, Dave. We could join a traveling circus and live a life of adventure and freedom.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dave rolls his eyes and shoves his arm off. “Ha, ha, very funny, fuckass,” He stands up and walks over to his dresser. He pulls out his clothes for the day, and tosses a fresh shirt to Karkat. It was always a size too big for him, so he figured it would fit. “You can rewear your jeans, but I don’t even want to think about how awful you’d smell if you wore the same shirt twice.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jokes on you, Dave, yesterday was the fourth day I’d worn that shirt.” Karkat challenges.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re kidding, right?” Dave says, resisting the urge to gag. He throws his old shirt into a laundry basket across the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Karkat thinks for a moment. “Probably. I think.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re disgusting, Vantas.” Dave says as he changes into a new pair of jeans.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just the way Mrs. Strider likes it.” He winks, and Dave rolls his eyes as he walks out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Karkat puts on his Nubs and looks at the shirt in front of him. It was a pale yellow shirt made of cotton, with the circus’ logo printed on the front. Karkat hadn’t seen those for sale at any performances, so he figured that it was either a staff-only thing, or that they had been on sale long before Karkat had even heard of them. He stands up and stretches for a moment before Dave walks back in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you ready? Let’s go.” Dave says with a smile, grabbing his wallet and shoving it in his pocket.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Go? Go where?” Karkat asks, standing still as Dave runs around the room and recaps everything he needs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dave shakes his head. “Out. Somewhere, outside, c’mon, you’re coming with.” He says as he puts the last item in his pocket and turns to look at Karkat expectantly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know, I don’t want to impose or anything, especially after such a rough night.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dave steps forwards and takes his hands. “Hey,” He says, holding them in front of him. Softly, as though he was something fragile and rare he didn’t want to scare off. “It’ll be okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That, and-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dave cuts him off, pulling him out of the room by his hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>___________</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Karkat walks with Dave at the back of the chattering group, their shoulders touching but no words passing between them. He thinks if he were friends with everyone, it would be nice to go out with them all to a diner. A sense of guilt hits him, telling him that he’s holding Dave back from his friends. Nonetheless, he keeps up with the ground, quietly insisting to Dave that he can go talk to everyone else and that he doesn’t need to be babysat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want to be with you.” Dave smiles. “And, plus, I think they’re all mad at me, anyway.” He adds. Karkat winces.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When he pushes aside the flaps of the tent and walks out, his mood is lifted just a bit from being outside instead of crammed in the tent, even though he doesn’t really mind. The fresh air is good for him, and he feels a small sliver hope until-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh.” The word dumbly falls from his lip as his eyes fall on the disaster. The rest of the circus avert their eyes and ignore it, but Karkat and Dave stop cold as Karkat’s eyes flicker over the damage, a heavy weight in his gut that pulls him down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His car is trashed. The car that Dave drove him home in, the car they sang to music very loudly and very poorly in, the car that had a bottle hand sanitizer in one of the cup holders because Dave insisted Karkat take it, is fucked up beyond repair. The front windshield is completely shattered, leaving a dusting of glass on the front two seats. Karkat can’t see, but the back is probably shattered, too, since they didn’t spare the windows on the sides either. There are dents in the car that look like they’re from bats even though Karkat doesn’t recall the gang bringing said weapons in the tent, but that isn’t the worst of it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In red spray paint, right on the hood of the car, in large, messy handwriting is:</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“TRAITOR.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Karkat stares at the car for a minute.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then he and Dave catch up with the rest of them without another word.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>___________</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They enter the diner as a colossal group, causing anyone in there to look at the monstrosity that is ten young adults and a nine year old. When they sit down, they have to push three separate tables together in order to accomodate for everyone. Karkat, naturally, places himself silently at the very end and Dave fills the seat next to him. There’s an empty seat across from him, making him feel lonely despite being surrounded by people.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Instead of trying to intervene, Karkat observes. Everyone is having a good time ignoring him as sugar packets are tossed and forks are dropped and jokes are exchanged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was just trying to walk down the street, right, and I see this girl.” Roxy is saying to whoever is listening.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t like this story.” Jane says.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Roxy rolls his eyes. “I liked her shirt and wanted to know where she got it from- for Jane, Kaye, stop laughing- and go up to her to ask. And then she told me she’s married and walked away.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kanaya shrugs. “She’s loyal, at least.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t even look at her face! I don’t care about her marital status!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re hot. It makes everything you do flirty, so everyone assumes you’re hitting on them.” Rose points out, and then she winces and rubs her leg, so Karkat assumes Kanaya kicked him under the table.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t like it.” Roxy says.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I do.” Jane points out, and kisses him on the cheek. Karkat looks down at his plate, wishing that he could order some food already because he hasn’t eaten in a while and it would give him something to do with his hands other than rest in his lap like two dead fish. When the waitress finally comes over, she is an old lady with gray hair pulled back into a ponytail, wearing a yellow shirt with a blue apron like every other waitress running around. She goes around the table and everyone tells her order, except for the Mayor, who tried to order three pancakes with whipped cream and sprinkles. Kanaya amended it to one pancake with chocolate chips. When she finally gets around to Karkat, he freezes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t bring money.” He says.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dave looks at him funky. “That’s fine. Part of Terezi’s job is to have money set aside for this stuff.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But, I’m not a part of… this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ve given us half your money in ticket sales. Order yourself food.” Dave looks to Terezi, who is seated across from him, talking to John. “It’s fine, right?” He asks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s fine?” Terezi says, pulling away from her conversation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Karkat can order food?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She blinks. “...Yeah.” Terezi returns back to her conversation as Dave turns back to Karkat, a small smile on his face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“See? I told you. Get whatever.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Karkat ends up ordering scrambled eggs with toast and bacon, and then the waitress smiles and leaves them all be, no doubt happy to leave the loud kids behind. Karkat fiddles with his fork, not saying much to anybody since Dave is talking to everyone else. At one point, Terezi challenges him to an arm wrestle and calls him a string bean, but Dave easily wins. He has a slender build, but years of gymnastics then silks had made him stronger than he looks. Karkat lets himself think about how attractive Dave is for a minute, because that’s familiar territory for him, unlike the rest of this situation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Karkat thinks his staying quiet tactic is working because he hasn’t started any fights and nobody’s told him to leave yet, so he’s considering this all a win. His plan is that, if he remains as small as possible, maybe everyone will tolerate him and they won’t force him to break up with Dave and then eventually get murdered by Serket. However, of course, nothing ever works out for him, because the tiny nine-year-old seated in between Kanaya and Rose wriggles out from his chair, under Kanaya’s arms, and all the way to the other side of the table where Karkat is sitting.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Karkat!” the Mayor calls, much to the surprise of Rose and Kanaya and everybody, all exchanging odd glances. “Karkat, hey!” He calls again as he makes his way over. In his hand is a coloring mat that the waitress must have given to him and in the other is three crayons. He presents them both proudly to Karkat, smiling. “Wanna color with me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Karkat opens his mouth to respond, a small upturn to his lips; at least the Mayor doesn’t hate him. Before he says anything, he’s cut off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mayor. Come back to your seat.” Kanaya says, reaching her hand out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Mayor frowns, looking at Kanaya, then to Karkat, then back to Kanaya. “But-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Or I’ll tell the waitress to only get you plain pancakes with no chocolate chips.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Mayor frowns and turns to Karkat. “I’m sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s alright.” Karkat laughs at the Mayor. “Go back to Kanaya.” The little boy nods and hurries back to his seat, getting back up into his chair. Karkat can’t hear them since they’re on the other side of the table, but Kanaya is saying something very sternly to the Mayor. Karkat can guess what.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He hopes that that’s all the awkwardness over, and when the food comes, it’s almost a relief. It means they’re almost done. It also means that Karkat has something to do with his hands, so he focuses on eating his food. It tastes good. He feels like he’s a mooch. Dave had gotten a burger, insisting that it’s brunch, so he also gave some of his fries on the side to Karkat to share.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With everyone being a little more quiet because of the food in front of them, Karkat feels a little less out of place. When Kanaya calls out to the table, “Does anyone want my pickle?” Karkat almost makes a bulge joke, and then remembers where he is, and decides against it. He leans over to whisper it to Dave- Dave shoves an elbow into his ribs because ‘I already know what you’re going to say, asshole!’</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Seriously, I don’t want it!” Kanaya calls out again. “Dave! Here you go. Take the pickle.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dave doesn’t like pickles.” Rose says, and, horribly enough, Karkat says the exact same thing with her in perfect synchronization. Rose stares at Karkat like he’s decided to take a wazz on all their food, before taking the pickle from Kanaya’s hand and aggressively avoiding eye contact. There’s an odd hush over the table, and Karkat feels too many pairs of eyes on him at once, the intense need of saying something to break the silence growing more powerful inside him by the second.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We got burgers together. There were pickles on his burger and he threw them at me.” Karkat explains to the faces looking at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They stay silent until Jane clears her throat and offers, “Sounds like Dave!” And everyone simultaneously bursts back into motion.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>___________</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everybody seemed satisfied with their meal, tipping the waitress and walking back to the circus much slower than they did on the way there. Karkat decides he did alright- he didn’t cause any more knife fights, and they didn’t get banned from the restaurant or anything. The worst thing that had happened was the accident with Rose. Dave had convinced him to think of it as an accident. People get over accidents, and they aren’t intentional. So, yeah, Karkat had basically “forgiven” himself, he just felt it best if he laid low for the rest of the night.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was in the midst of slipping off to Dave’s room (not that he knew what the hell he was going to do in there for the rest of the night) when Jane had given him a strange look. “Where’re you going, Karkat?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh,” Karkat says, pointing behind himself. “I was just gonna…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shakes her head and waves him over there. “No, come on! You’re allowed to be... around us, you know that, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right, yeah, of course I did.” He rambles acceptance as he seats himself next to Dave, who put a hand on his knee encouragingly. Karkat responded with a weak smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The rest of the circus continued their friendly yet heated debate (he thought he heard something about mimes belonging in the circus? He wasn’t sure, but Rose seemed against it) while Dave leans on Karkat. He looks up at him with enough light in his eyes to fuel a whole show. “Hey. How are you holding up?” He asks, and Karkat couldn’t love him more. In the gang, nobody asked him what he wanted to do, or if he was okay. Dave cared, and more than he’d known from anybody else.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His smile comes back much stronger. “I’m okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His grin is reflected in Dave’s face. “Good, I’m glad!” Karkat noticed a piece of fuzz in his hair and went to pick it out. “Hey, what’re you-“</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There was a fuzz in your hair, asshat.” Karkat says, pulling it out and blowing into Dave’s face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dave swipes his hands all over his face- (“Fuck you, dude!”) and suppresses a giggle. One that was almost immediately drawn out anyways by Karkat’s bark of a laugh. He felt like their laughter built up around them, blocking everyone else out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Which, of course, wasn’t true. Dave looked away suddenly to see the circus members staring at them with a variety of expressions, spanning from blank to confusion. It was almost as though there was a giant cartoon speech bubble above all their heads, reading a line that was something along the lines of Maybe he’s okay to Dave.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nobody moved. Karkat blinked and looked at Dave from the corner of his eye as if he could telepathically say “Hey, what the fuck is happening, why are they staring? Why do they do that so much?” Then it was as if somebody had pressed a ‘play’ button, and everyone had resumed bickering and laughing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Mayor suddenly hopped out of Rose’s lap, the sudden focus change apparently reminding him of Karkat’s presence. “Karkat!” He called as he ran over to him. “Sorry I couldn’t color with you earlier, Kanayay said I had to sit back down if I wanted chocolate chips. They were really yummy- did you get them too?” He rambles on until he sits down next to him, the words clearly meant to fill time rather than strike a conversation. Dave thought that maybe Karkat and the Mayor were similar in that way, and that only made Dave’s fondness for the boys grow. “Hi.” He huffs when he is finally seated with him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi.” Karkat says back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, why are you hanging out with us in the tent today instead of being secret, like usual?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kanaya’s eyebrows raise. Rose’s do the opposite, furrowing down instead. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Karkat feels his back stiffen. “What-what do you mean?” He blinks at the Mayor, hoping he would shut up. Maybe convince himself that he couldn’t talk about such secrets in front of everyone else.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The secret mission! The one that was postponed because it turned out the businessmen were actually aliens in disguise? Shouldn’t you be saving the Queen’s jewels?” the Mayor asks with a face that was more confusion than excitement.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, no, I…” Karkat stammers, tripping over an excuse (or lack thereof). He looks to Dave for help, but he seems just as clueless.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mayor.” Elliot says semi-sternly, calling him over. “G-” Kaye, who was sitting on his lap, gave him a stern look, “Come here, please.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Mayor frowns at Karkat as he backs away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>___________</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dave. I need to speak with you.” Kanaya says later that night, sticking his head into Dave’s room to see him and Karkat sitting cross-legged on the bed, thankfully doing nothing particularly scandalous.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. I’ll be in your room in five?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kanaya stands in the doorway a moment longer, as though she was expecting something else. She nods and leaves.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What was that? Are you okay- is it about me?” Karkat asks immediately, holding onto Dave’s hands tensely. He holds concern in his over-magnified eyes, frantically looking all over his face for signs of a lie. Not that Dave would lie to him- he’d just been accustomed to the Serket gang feeding him constant shit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, babe, don’t worry. It’s probably just something about the silks. Maybe we’re starting a new set soon. Don’t worry about it.” Dave reassures.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Karkat smiles widely. “Dave!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He furrows his brow in confusion. “What? What did I do?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You called me babe!” Karkat says, poking him in the stomach on the last word. “My Dave human called me babe!” He says relentlessly, starting to tickle him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dave always shrunk when Karkat tickled him. He also flushed bright red, and his knees locked in place. The blushing was the main reason Karkat would do it, it’s damn adorable, but it never hurt if his legs happened to be around him. “Stop- Karkat! That’s not even the first time I’ve-” He collapses into giggles. “I’ve gotta go talk to Kanaya- come on, Kat, beep beep!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He finally let up and let him leave. Which he didn’t- not without pressing a kiss to his forehead.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Karkat didn’t really like being in the tent for one reason. It’s not like the tent itself was awful, but he felt trapped. He knew he was free to leave (regardless of the question that raises- where could he go?), in fact, he was a bit more welcome to leave than to stay. But when he stayed, he either sat in Dave’s room, or followed him around constantly. Karkat sometimes felt like a child lost in a supermarket.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He fell back on Dave’s bed restlessly, already bored without him. He wished he had a crossword, or something. Can you even get newspapers delivered to traveling circuses? How do they stay, like, in the loop? Karkat wonders while standing up, mindlessly walking out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Karkat wanders down the hall, letting his curiosity best him when he hears his name yelled. Karkat was pretty sure they weren’t beckoning him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dave walks into Kanaya’s room, greeted by the tall man pacing. “Dave.” He says, his head jerking up as soon as he spots him. Dave steps into his room. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Kanaya.” He says, holding his hands in his sweater pocket. “What’s up?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s up? What’s up?” Kanaya snaps. “What’s up is that the Mayor knows Karkat! At the diner, I thought it was just him being his hyper, friendly self. And then he starts talking about secret agents? And-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Aliens.” Dave finishes for him. He walks towards him, placing his hands on Kanaya’s crossed arms. “Calm down. Breathe with me.” He counts to five to inhale, three to hold, and eight to exhale. Like he always has. “Better?”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Kanaya nods curtly. “Thanks. Don’t change the subject. Where the hell did he get those stories from? Has he spoken to Karkat himself?” She says, her tone raising on her name. “I fucking trusted you with the Mayor, Dave, I can’t believe you put him around Kar-kar...“ She waves toward Dave’s room, clearly giving up on his name.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dave couldn’t see a clear way out. I could take the blame, his first thought was, but  then that means I’d be telling the Mayor stories of Karkat. He inhales. “It was-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Karkat walks into the room out of nowhere, both relieving and worrying Dave tenfold. “Me. When I came to see Dave, I told him I was a secret agent. So he wouldn’t… tell anybody. Sorry for barging in, I just needed to tell the truth to you myself.” Dave looks at him with concern, grabbing his arm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh.” Says Kanaya, raising her chin. Something flickers across her eyes, and Dave saw her expression falter, just a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Karkat didn’t know what he expected Kanaya to say, or even do. He had barged into a conversation that wasn’t his to begin with, and confirmed his worst fear. But he had expected more than that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you. For telling the truth.” She said as Dave and Karkat had already turned to walk out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>___________</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>When Dave wakes up, his back is pressed up against Karkat’s chest, and he’s so caught up in the feeling of it that he doesn’t notice why he’s awoken until Rose, looming over him, comes into focus.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on.” Rose whispers, hitting Dave’s arm again to egg him on. “Get up.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dave usually wakes up earlier than rehearsals, so he’s on time for practice. It’s been a while since he’s needed to be woken up by Rose. Perhaps he’s overslept, which makes sense, given the past few days have been stressful, but when his eyes fall on the clock, it tells him that it’s closer to seven o’ clock than nine. “What? Is something wrong?” Dave asks, his voice grumbly from sleep. His mouth is dry like he slept with it open.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. It’s time for practice.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s two hours too early.” Dave counters quietly, so as not to wake Karkat. Rose’s volume isn’t exactly a whisper, but she isn’t shouting, which Dave appreciates.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, well,” Rose huffs. “Come on.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>With that, Rose leaves Dave’s room to go to the stage and presumably let down both of the fabrics and the lyra so they can practice their set. Dave’s not used to waking up early except for when they need to re-choreograph and rehearse an entirely new routine to a new song, which would need a few extra hours. They haven’t planned on changing anything, so Dave just pulls himself out of bed and gets dressed. He’s about to leave when he spins around, suddenly remembering the handsome boy in his bed. He grins to himself. His handsome boy. Dave walks on over to Karkat and kisses him on the forehead.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dave?” Karkat slurs, eyes still closed. “ ‘Sup?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Go back to bed.” Dave responds. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Karkat hums. “M‘Kay. G’night.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dave smiles and grabs his wrap before walking out to go join Rose, a smile still dancing on his lips as he takes the bandages and pulls it over his palm, wrist, and arm. If he was going to be dragged out of bed to train for two extra hours, he wanted to take the time to give more attention to lyra. Rose seems to have the same thought process because he’s sitting just by the silks with his legs open in a split, reaching for his toes in a stretch.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dave walks up to him and sits down to mirror him. “Why did you wake me up early?” He asks, but receives no response, like he were talking to the bleachers that Elliot and Jane are on now, chatting. “Rose? It’s not even a new set or anything?” Once again, Dave is given the silent treatment. He moves to stretch his other leg in tandem with Rose. He scoffs. “I don’t know why I asked. I know why- it’s because you hate Karkat. And you hate me being with him even more.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jane laughs at something at the same time Rose looks up at Dave for the first time, as if she only notices that Dave has gotten there. “Yeah. I do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dave’s eyes widen in offense. “You’ve been horrible to him!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. I have.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, stop it! It’s immature.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No.” Rose says simply, then stands up as if to end the conversation. She grabs the silks to start climbing, but Dave’s grabbing her wrist in an instant and tearing her off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Talk to me!” Dave begs. He’s so tired of Rose deciding to shut down whenever she’s mad at Dave and waiting for the last moment to say how she feels- that’s always Rose, really. Even after Serket had left, Rose’s arms remained crossed over her chest and she didn’t let anyone attempt to comfort her until she broke down crying on Kanaya. Rose has an affinity for holding things in, no matter what it is.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want to, Dave! He’s a bad guy. You already know that’s how I feel- I don’t need to keep repeating myself.” Rose dismisses.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dave shakes his head, ready to defend his boyfriend. “Karkat has done more than prove himself.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rose scoffs and then makes a show of rolling her eyes. “Oh, has he, Dave? He hasn’t even said a fucking word to me, let alone an apology.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because he thinks that you hate him!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, he thought right, didn’t he?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rose hating Karkat settles uncomfortably in Dave’s stomach. They’re the two most important people in his life, and this has always been the problem, since the very start of his friendship with Karkat. “You’re being heartless.” Dave hisses, his eyes conveying a flame that only he could manifest, trying his best to burn through Rose’s thick skull. He wants nothing more than for Rose to just try to see his perspective, like how Dave tries to see hers. “Sollux would have killed me. And he definitely would have killed Karkat. I know that. You know that!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dave-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Karkat was going to die, if John hadn’t saved him. That has to count for something, right? Or do you just hate me so much now that it doesn’t even matter to you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rose freezes, staring at Dave with cloudy eyes. “Don’t be like that, Dave.” She says quietly. “You know that my dislike for him has got nothing to do with you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dave balls up his hands, sure that his fingernails would cut crescents into his palms if they weren’t covered by the wrap that was supposed to be protecting him from the traction from his hands against the bar. “I thought that if we love each other, it can’t be wrong! No matter what anybody says? That’s what you said, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rose, for the first time, looks like he understands. It lasts for a moment, and then washes away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>___________</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Karkat first wakes up, his fingers grab at nothing and a sense of panic shoots through him, telling him that Dave’s left him, that he’s gone, that he’s not coming back. Then he remembers that he had actually woken up a few minutes ago from a kiss on the head from Dave, so he’s probably just in the tent somewhere. Karkat sits up and curls his back. It pops like fireworks, not used to the shoddy mattresses that the circus is forced to use so they can pack up and go whenever they need to. Karkat hauls ass out of bed, flattens his hair with his hand, and then walks out to find Dave. It doesn’t occur to him that he may see other people until he has to walk past John and try his best to remain as quiet as possible to avoid him. When he does get out to where he assumes Dave would practice, he’s relieved to find his boyfriend there. He’s not relieved to see Rose.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I thought that if we love each other, it can’t be wrong!” Dave is shouting at the other human, hands at his side, crunched up into non-threatening fists. “No matter what anybody says? That’s what you said, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span> Karkat is about to just turn around and go back to sleep, but Rose’s eyes fall on him and Karkat watches the girl go from agitated to completely hate-filled in less than a second. Dave turns to follow Rose’s gaze, and it lands on Karkat. In direct contrast to Rose, Dave’s face lights up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Karkat!” He says with a smile. “You’re awake.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. Sorry if I’m… interrupting something.” Karkat says awkwardly, looking smaller than Dave's ever seen him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dave looks at Rose, then back to Karkat. “It’s nothing.” He says bitterly. Then he softens. “I’m sorry that I woke you up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Karkat shakes his head. “Don’t worry about it. Plus, I want to watch you practice. If that’s… okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course it is!” Dave beams. “You’ve never gotten to watch me practice before. That’s alright, right, Rose?” He asks, turning to face his friend, who looks back at him with a face full of contempt. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine.” He says tersely, and Karkat scurries off to the frontmost bleacher so he can sit quietly and watch. Like usual, he enjoys the show, though it’s very different from what he’s used to- there’s no flashing lights, or music, or audience around to gasp, or children to start crying randomly. There’s only the sound of the occasional question from Dave and  small grunts as they both work, along with the chatter from behind Karkat that spills from the mouths of Elliot and Jane. He watches happily, wishing he could stay in that moment forever.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>___________</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The moment doesn’t last very long- he should have noticed when Elliot walked down the bleachers and passed him that it would mean that Jane is there, right behind him, but it didn’t occur to him. Not until the aforementioned girl is sitting down next to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello.” Jane says, he voice light and airy, not thick with the tension that everyone else in the tent (minus Dave) carries whenever they look at him, let alone speak to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Karkat stares at her for a second before responding, “Hey” and feeling like an idiot.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How are you?” She asks, then falters. “I suppose I already know the answer to that question.” She answers herself, then her gaze travels over to Dave and Rose. “How many shows have you seen? That, I don’t know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Almost every one, since I met Dave.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jane giggles. “You mean, since he broke a glass bottle over your head?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Karkat actually smiles at the memory, despite it not being a good one at the time. Now, he looks upon it with a certain fondness, thinking of Dave’s fiery eyes and even more fiery attitude. The only thing that he had been able to do was compliment Dave- he should have known he was whipped right then. “Yeah. Since then.” He assumes it’s the end of Jane’s pity-induced conversation, but she keeps going.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I always assumed the makeup he had me do was to impress a girl.” She shoulders him very lightly, so lightly that an outside observer may be under the impression that the two are close friends. “Turns out it was for you, I guess.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Karkat wants to beam, but stifles it. “He really did it for me? I assumed…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jane nods. “He’d get in these little moods, sometimes. He’d pull me aside and ask me to do his makeup in all sorts of showy ways because he can’t do anything too intricate himself. I never minded it. Always wanted to do it with a little sister but… Dave will do.” She laughs. Her fingers are curled around the edges of the seat, her feet extended to rest on the row in front of them. She looks over to Karkat, and raises a daring eyebrow. “Do you smoke?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sometimes. Why? Is that a problem? I can quit. I’ll totally-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jane silences him when she digs into her red jacket pocket and produces a pack of cigarettes, shaking them in her hand. “Let’s go outside.” Then her eyesight moves to Dave, and then comes back. “Unless you want to watch Dave.” She says in a tone that would be mocking if anyone in the Serket gang said it, but sounded much more genuine and happy coming from her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Karkat considers staying, but he’s on a roll with Jane and he doesn’t want to ruin it by saying no. He could honestly use a cigarette, anyway. Getting up with Jane, he waves Dave a quick goodbye that he returns with a slightly confused expression, and then follows her out the tent. He looks around anxiously, as if something would pop out at him. His car is gone, by now. He had his ice cream truck, and he honestly didn’t feel like pressing charges, so he had just called someone on a payphone and scrapped the whole thing. They didn’t ask questions since Dave helped Karkat peel off the offensive words until they were unrecognizable, and now the car is gone without a trace. He doesn’t mind too much. The only good memories he had in it were with Dave, and now he’s living with him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I knew he was doing it for somebody, you know?” Jane starts putting a cigarette in her mouth and then handing Karkat one. She lights him first, then herself. “He thinks you’re special.” She says, almost flippantly as she looks ahead of herself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The words make Karkat reel a bit, staring at her side profile with a slight awe at the words coming out of her mouth. Even dating Dave now didn’t feel real, as if it were never possible that Dave reciprocated feelings, but hearing about how he did gives him a fuzzy, happy feeling that he wants to live in. “He...”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Karkat, I don’t think you’re that bad.” Jane turns her head to look at him, her eyes burning with sincerity. “You gave those first aid supplies and you didn’t even tell me your name. Dave didn’t even know your name. You were just… sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I thought you forgot.” admits Karkat. She never gave any indication that she didn’t hate him until now… Or maybe Karkat had just convinced himself that she didn’t.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not many of us think you’re that bad, actually. We just know Rose does and… well, you can’t blame us for taking her side, can you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I deserve the treatment I’m getting.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just a little.” laughs Jane, but it’s lighthearted enough that Karkat doesn’t take offense. He wouldn’t, irregardless, but her airy treatment makes him feel like he’s a bit less shitty than he is. “But, Rose will come around. Okay? I know she will. What you did to her was… horrible. And it might take her a bit. But if Dave sees the good in you, Rose will follow. They’re just like that. And in the meantime…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ve got a friend in me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Karkat smiles. “You’re cool, Janey. Cooler than I thought you were. And I already saw you gauge out Serket’ eyeballs with your nails without even chipping the polish.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s a bit dramatic, don’t you think?” She asks, a sly smirk creeping up on her lips. She takes a draw of her cigarette and blows it out, away from Karkat’s face before she looks back at him to speak again. “I chipped them a little bit.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>___________</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Dave walks back to his room, thoroughly exhausted from a long day of practicing. He sees Karkat sitting on the edge of his bed, and audibly exhales. “Hey, Karks.” Dave says wearily, grabbing pajamas from his dresser.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dave! You’ll never guess what fucking happened today!” Karkat says, practically bouncing up upon greeting. He smiles widely, and Dave remembers what he looks like when he’s hopeful. Bright and happy, ten times over.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” He humors, sitting down next to him and unravelling the wrap from his palms.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jane and I spoke today. An actual conversation. And we bonded- I think we’re friends, now!” Karkat smiles, and Dave could see how bad he wanted that. To be a part of a family, to have friends that really did care. Dave had never had any sort of formal conversation with them, but he figured the gang wasn’t the type to ask how Karkat was feeling. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He could see how badly he wanted the circus to like him. “Karkat, that’s great!” He stops for a moment to kiss him, but it falls on grinning lips (Not that he minds). “See, I told you. I knew they’d love you, you just have to give them a little time.” He drops the old wrap in a trash can and stands up to get dressed. Karkat had already changed into his pajamas. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’d gone with John earlier to pick up everything he needed from his apartment and put it in a duffle bag, which was now sat on the floor at the end of his bed. Karkat had told him all about it once they got back- about how it was apparently very awkward and silent, the whole way through. John wasn’t hostile, or anything. Just quiet and observing. It almost made Karkat give up hope on trying to be friends with him, claiming that “If I get put with a member of the circus alone for over an hour and we still don’t talk, then I have no hope.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. Maybe you were right.” Karkat notes, pulling back the covers for him. Dave just noticed that his bed was made. Oh. He thinks simply. Because he never has the time to make his own bed, even if the rest of his room was usually clean. He smiles to himself, sure that if he pointed it out, Karkat would make up some sort of excuse.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe?” He says incredulously, falling into Karkat’s arms and nestling under the covers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” He says, giving in and giving him a kiss on the forehead. “You were definitely right.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>___________</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dave wakes up in Karkat’s arms. He looks at the clock next to him, and reads eight-thirty. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rose didn’t wake me up early. He turns to look at Karkat and decides he’ll stay in bed for just a minute longer, lodging his forehead into the crook of his neck, and Karkat subconsciously pulling him closer. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>___________</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Karkat usually stays in Dave’s room, or watches him practice from the bleachers. He’s fine with either option, but sometimes wishes he could just… interact with everyone and the circus in the way everybody around him could. Maybe it was the lack of  job, or the lack of an actual need to be there. The only person in a remotely similar situation to him he could think of was Terezi, pursuing a relationship at the beginning of her time here. But it’s not like that was the only reason she was there, from what Dave tells him, she’s a damn good manager that has booked them some fantastic gigs. She’s more than her attempt with Kanaya, and she’s more than her relationships.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Karkat, not so much. His entire purpose (if he could call it that) at the circus was just to stay there and be safer than he was at his apartment. It made him feel like an asshole, which is why he jumped at every opportunity to help, regardless of if it was double-checking Terezi’s calculations or helping a janitor sweep the floor after a particularly messy crowd.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He doesn’t think twice when Roxy asks him for help backstage. “I just need an assistant for the first two acts,” Roxy had explained.  “Jane usually does it, but she’s… helping somebody else right now.” His rationalization seemed a bit off to Karkat, and he minutely hoped it was because Roxy actually wanted him to help. To have an actual reason to be here, for a change.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Or maybe he was just a bit scared around Karkat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Roxy had led him backstage, and was now explaining the set-up. He pointed to the lights, the spotlight, and the plastic covers that go over them to change the color and sometimes pattern. He taught him how the music worked, and how important it was that it was on time, no matter what. Karkat picked it all up pretty quickly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is your first time working with tech, right?” Roxy asks, slightly incredulous.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” Karkat nods, and then pauses. “No, well, actually… I’m not sure that it counts, but I drive an ice cream truck. It’s got speakers and shit, but nothing like this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Roxy snorts. “Really?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is it that hard to believe?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Roxy looks side to side, as though weighing out the likelihood of whether or not he was lying. “It just seems so… Innocent. If you had told me it was like, a front for something, I would have believed that.” He says sarcastically, turning around to grab something off of the floor.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Karkat laughs nervously. “W-what? No. No way, man, that stuff’s illegal.” He clears his throat, thankful Roxy couldn’t see his face. He was never good at lying to nice people. He thought for a moment in their silence, struggling to come up with a topic they would both relate to. “So, Jane’s a total badass, right? I mean, the way she just totally fucked up Serket was…” He lets out a low whistle.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Roxy turns back to him. “You’re not like...into my girlfriend, are you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Karkat stares at him for a second, trying to determine whether he was joking or not. “Yes, Roxy. You caught me- I uprooted my entire life just to get close to Jane. I’m actually just manipulating Dave so I have a way into the circus, and therefore to her. You got me.” He says, throwing his palms in the air as if the police had ordered him to. Roxy laughs for a moment, and Karkat joins in. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then his face goes serious, almost stoic in a flash. “You’re kidding, right? Like, that was a joke?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Karkat looks at him. “No, I actually just risked and ruined my entire life to bang a girl I’ve met once.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Silence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, Roxy, it was a joke.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His smile returns. “No, yeah, that’s… That’s what I thought.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Karkat grins widely and apprehensively. “Uh-huh.” He turns and sees Jane walking over, with glitter all on the back of her left hand, reflecting and bouncing light. Roxy looks at her like she was all he could ever ask for, like she was all he’d ever need.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Karkat wonders why that look felt a bit familiar.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Karkat!” She says as she stands up on her tiptoes to peck Roxy on the cheek. “Are you helping Roxy right now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, no, we were just finishing up. He’s all yours.” Karkat smiles, and gestures to him before walking away. He spins around a moment later, “Hey, Roxy?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks for showing me all that- I’d love to assist you during a show sometime.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Roxy smiles widely, an award-winning smile. “Anytime.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>___________</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Karkat’s sat through tons of performances before- twenty-three, according to the ticket stubs sitting in his glove box.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But this one feels different, somehow. Watching Dave catch all the light in the world, refracting it in rainbows, knowing the only reason he did that was specifically for Karkat… Made it a bit harder to sit through a whole performance.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He survived, incredibly, through an hour of performances and twenty minutes of the crowd leaving around him. He saw Dave emerge from backstage, wearing pajamas regardless of the makeup he hasn’t removed. He was a mismatch of formality, and Karkat couldn’t love it more.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, asshole!” He said, pulling him in by the hips as soon as he was close enough. “You did really good on your set today.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve told you a million times not to call me that, dick.” He smiled, playfully smacking Karkat on the arm and leaving his hands furled up on his chest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah, I know, I know, I just can’t help myself.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dave raises his eyebrows.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Around you. At all. As in, I really would like to take you under the bleachers. Right now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dave looked at him with a look Karkat realized was curated just for him- a 200% mixture of annoyance and adoration. “Asshat, just ask like a normal person next time.” He rolls his eyes, pulling Karkat by the collar of his jacket until they were underneath the metal seats, and much closer than they could have been, given the floor space around them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi.” Karkat says. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi.” Dave laughs freely into Karkat’s jaw, closer and closer and closer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-“ Karkat almost repeats, cut off by the soft embrace of Dave’s lips.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Karkat was an amnesiac with an addiction when it came to his lips, every connection reminding him just how much more he needed, and every distancing making him forget just how good they were. The longer the distance, the greater his demand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dave’s lips were a thing of wonder, really, warm and sweet, and putting secondhand glitter onto Karkat’s mouth and face (not that he would ever find it in himself to give a damn). Securing glitter off-centered in the corner of his mouth, his jaw, and oh. Dave’s moved down to his neck, and it’s different and great and close, close, close.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sure, Karkat’s been with girls before, hasn’t everybody? But when he was with them, it wasn’t even in the same caliber as this. Not by a mile. He hardly ever “got off” to girls, but Dave, pressing his lips on his neck, hot and open-mouthed, was enough to make his eyelashes flutter, his heart speed up. Dave’s hands swept through his hair, pulling him closer with his arms on Karkat’s shoulders, his feet bumping into Karkat’s as he stood on his tiptoes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And it’s everything to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>___________</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dave is beaming as he pulls Karkat out from under the bleachers. Karkat likes the thrill of sneaking around, even though they were not at all subtle and were very loud and anyone in the same room as them could probably hear them occasionally pause to shout at the other. To anyone who didn’t know better, it might sound like they were fighting. It felt a little rude to be so blatant about his relationship with a boy in front of everyone, but he gets a certain level of comfort from knowing that they aren’t mad about the fact that Dave’s a human guy rather than the fact that Karkat is an asshole. He can live with that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I feel like we’re gonna get caught by the principal or something.” Dave jokes. He yelps a bit as Karkat catches him by the waist and pulls him closer, giving him another kiss on the cheek. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You graduated, Dave.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Still.” He huffs. He returns a kiss to Karkat and gets a bit carried away with his smooches, planting them all over his face that’s already sticky with lip gloss. “You are covered in my makeup. How’d that even happen?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wonder.” Karkat replies flatly, and Dave laughs again. He’s about to say something when-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Holy fuck!” Dave hears, and jumps out of Karkat’s arm on instinct. The loud shout turned out to be only from Rose, and Dave finds himself already getting closer to Karkat. His heart is beating fast, though- for a moment, he had thought that it was the gang again, considering how angry the voice seemed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rose? What’s-” Dave begins, despite being a little frazzled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No! Shut up!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why are you-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I said shut up! You are infuriating!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why are you acting so fucking weird?” Dave snaps. He didn’t know how he got so angry so fast, but he feels like a pot of boiling water that just got it’s lid released. Rose has been horrible to Karkat, and although Dave understands, the constant beratement of the both of them has turned from a rightful grudge to a spiteful hate.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Weird? WEIRD?” Rose parrots incredulously. “You’re running around and fucking giggling with a guy we all thought you hated until a few days ago!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shut up, Rose!” He says defensively.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dave.” Karkat says with a frown. Dave knows that Karkat detests the fact that Dave and Rose’s relationship has been rocky since his arrival, but Dave is insistent he’ll fix it, no matter what.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you want to talk about ‘weird’, I’m all for it! My best friend didn’t talk to me for months and was running around, doing god knows what after I was almost killed!” Rose shouts. Her arms are moving around to further her point, but her angry tone doesn’t distract from the obvious hurt in her voice that Karkat feels a certain guilt to have caused. He sometimes wishes he could leave, but he wouldn’t want to have to make Dave choose between him and Rose. Karkat’s not sure if it’s because he’s scared Dave will pick Rose, or because he knows he won’t. “And turns out- guess what he was doing?- he was running around with the troll who was HOLDING THE FUCKING KNIFE! And now that troll is living with us!” Rose gestures to Karkat, like he’s a thing rather than an actual person.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, Rose. You’re right! But, please, just listen-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t feel safe fucking sleeping in my own home, Dave!” Rose continues. Her voice cracks on ‘home’, sounding wet and vulnerable. “This has always been a place where I felt safe and protected, and I don’t anymore.” It’s as if all the anger inside Dave vanished, melting away to a puddle on the floor that needed to be wiped up along with the peanut shells. “You want to talk about weird things? I hated this guy up until two days ago, and now, supposedly, you two are in love! And I’m just supposed to be cool with it? How is that fair?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s…Rose. We should talk. Please?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. I’m done talking to you.” Rose says harshly, and then turns in a ninety degree angle and walks off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>___________</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kanaya sits at her bed, attempting to fold a lion out of a popcorn bag, demoing it for the Mayor. She looks up at Rose as she enters the room, dropping the failed origami. “Hey, babe,” She says, rubbing her back and pulling her in. Rose immediately nestles up to her shoulder like it’s second nature. “Are you okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rose exhales slowly as she speaks. “Yeah. I just got into a fight with Dave.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kanaya nods. “I heard bits and pieces. Thin walls.” She explains, placing her chin on the top of Rose’s head. “What was it about?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rose shakes her head, paused by Kanaya’s chest. She could hear her heartbeat. She tried to match her breathing to it, just to help her calm down. “That asshole had Dave’s makeup smudged all over him, and they were under the bleachers, right in front of everybody!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She paused. “That’s it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rose looks up at her. “What do you mean, ‘that’s it’?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kanaya looks down at her with as much love as she can fit into her confusion. “Honey,” She started kindly. “We literally did that exact same thing. The second time we kissed. The first time we made out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rose’s mouth is open in objection, her brows pulled down and her top lip up, as if the bridge of her nose were the center of gravity on her face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know,” She continued, cutting her off. “That you hate him. And I get it, I do. He was holding the fucking knife.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But, he was willing to die for Dave, for all of us. He sacrificed himself without a second thought as long as it meant he- and we- were safe. That’s got to count for something, right? You can visibly see the difference from when he’s around that gang and when he’s around Dave. He’s only afraid one of those times, Rose.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kanaya…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not saying that what he did wasn’t awful, or one of the scariest things I’ve ever been through.” She added quietly. “Even if it was just second-hand. I’m just saying that he picked death over anybody else getting hurt again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rose pulls herself off of Kanaya reluctantly, but she knows she can’t hide with her forever. She sighs. “I have to go apologize to Dave, don’t I?” She says, already knowing the answer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And Karkat.” Kanaya adds.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rose huffs and crinkles her nose, but despite her physical reaction, she begrudgingly agrees, “And Karkat…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>___________</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>When Rose finds Dave and Karkat, she’s not surprised that they’re together in Dave’s room, sitting across from each other and talking about something that immediately ceases when Rose knocks on the makeshift door, then moves it aside to come in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey.” She says quietly, feeling stupid.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rose.” Dave answers breathlessly, like he can’t believe Rose is there. It makes her feel more dumb- her best friend shouldn’t hold her presence with reverence- it should be natural and normal, and Rose hates that it’s not.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I… sit?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, fu-sure.” It’s Karkat who says this, and it’s Karkat who scooches over to give room for Rose.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rose stares at him, and she has the feeling that her expression may look like one of someone who just watched a war criminal help an old lady cross the street, but she manages to sit herself down anyway. For the sake of Dave. If Karkat and Rose never agree on anything else, that’s fine, but they’ll always be people who love Dave. The thought settles strangely with Rose- the “always” part. There’s a chance that Karkat and Dave would break up, but strangely, it doesn’t seem likely to Rose. She tries to imagine a scenario, but she can’t. She just ends up feeling like an asshole. “Kanaya thinks I should apologize.” Rose says. Upon Dave’s dejected face, she continues, “And I do, too. I’m here to say I’m sorry.” She clears her throat. “To both of you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rose holds up a hand to stop Karkat. “I do.” She admits. “I haven’t given you a chance, even though you’ve earned it.” She looks Karkat in the eyes without seeming like she hates his guts for the first time. “When your- when Serket’s gang attacked me, I thought they were going to kill me. I thought that you were. And when they were in here, I thought they were going to kill Dave. There was no way any of us could have stopped them. One move and all Sollux would have had to do was slice. And then you came out of nowhere… and I was so scared… and I was sure I was going to lose my best friend. That I was going to have to watch him die.” Rose is crying. It makes her want to shrink away, but she doesn’t want to keep running.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But-” Dave interrupts.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And then you were saying… the exact opposite of what I thought you would. You were saying that you love him, that you’d kill Sollux, and then you were offering up your life for him and I was just… so confused. And that’s all I’ve been able to focus on: how confusing this all his. How I hated you one second, and how I thought Dave did, too, but it wasn’t true. How I thought you were an entirely different person than you are… That you would do things to me and my family that, now, I know you wouldn’t do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wouldn’t ever hurt you. Not again. I’m so glad that I’m not a part of their stupid gang, and I’m not listening to everything Vriska says. Being here is so much better. It’s… incomparable. I promise you that you never have to worry about me. Okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“...Okay.” Rose says slowly. “It’s going to take me some time to get used to you, let alone trust you, but if Dave says you’re worth getting to know, then you gotta be.” Rose nods and sniffles, sucking in a sob. Her breath hitches slightly and she wipes her eyes with the back of one hand as Dave grabs her other, looking at him with a sad smile. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, Rose.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rose smiles at Dave, but looks sternly to Karkat. “I still don’t like you, though.” She says. It’s a half joke.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Whatever it is, Karkat laughs, and Rose is hit with the realization that when she had seen Karkat holding the knife, he hadn’t been smiling or laughing like the others in the gang.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>___________</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Karkat sits where he always does and always has; on the third bleacher to the front, all the way to the right. He’s sat there every performance, so while waiting for Dave, it’s no surprise that the Mayor knows exactly where to find him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He stomps up, making the metal reverberate under his feet as loudly as he possibly could. “Karkat!” He exclaims, his voice a hundred times happier than the demeanor his stomping had given off. “What’s wrong?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Karkat looks at the Mayor, the cutest kid he’d ever met. At his mousy brown hair that had a hint of a curl, at his wide brown eyes that held all the happiness in the world. It felt like just yesterday he had given him the two cents. It felt like just yesterday he fell in love with the circus. “Nothing, buddy. What’s up with you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Mayor pouts and ignores his question. “Something’s wrong! I know it because whenever you’re sad, you bite your bottom lip with your fangs.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do I?” He hadn’t noticed himself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Mayor nods. “You should stop doing that, by the way. It’ll hurt your teeth, and the tooth fairy doesn’t come if it’s your own fault the tooth falls out.” He says wisely, as though he were an expert on the matter.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is that so?” the Mayor nods again in response. Karkat sighs. “I guess I’m just sad because nobody here really wants to be my friend because I was very rude to them a while ago.” He says cautiously, not entirely sure how much he knew about Rose.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mayor thinks for a moment, putting on his ‘concentrating face’ for the first time in front of Karkat. It made his heart melt, and he realized he’d do anything on this Earth for the Mayor. He remembered Dave telling him about how he’d invited him into the circus’ family, and how he was the first person he loved regardless of blood. Karkat wondered if this was almost an initiation process for the circus; Once the Mayor made you feel welcome, you were a part of the family. He made a mental note to ask Jane, Roxy, Kaye- everybody in the circus, really, if they shared this experience. “Whenever Kanaya’s mean to me,” He says, dropping the concentrating face and now looking much more excited. “She’ll do something nice after, even if it’s small. Like, one time, she lost my boat, and it was the first boat I ever made. She said sorry a lot, but I was really sad. Then, she took me out to get a treat, and she said a much longer sorry than before. That always makes me feel better, and it especially worked the first time!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Karkat looks at the Mayor thoughtfully. “I think I get what you’re saying.” He says with a snap of his fingers and stands up. “Thank you, Mayor!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Mayor smiles after him. “Does this mean you’re getting me a treat?” He yells, cupping his hands around his mouth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>___________</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Karkat storms into the tent holding as much ice cream as possible. Luckily, everyone is somewhere in the room, either on the bleachers or the stage or roaming about. Karkat tries not to think that it has everything to do with his previous absence. Regardless, him storming into the place with two armfuls of free treats gets the attention of the circus residents.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey! Everyone listen up!” Karkat shouts out, for good measure. Everyone is looking, now, with various expressions of confusion, except for Dave, who looks fond, and the Mayor, who looks ecstatic. “Dave is very thorough about everyone’s allergies, but has never once mentioned anyone being lactose intolerant! And thus! I brought you all ice cream!” He releases the treats and they clatter to the ground, a shower of ice cream sandwiches, popsicles, frozen cones, and pre-packaged cups. Everyone is still mostly just blinking at him, save the Mayor, who is at his feet in a second and grabbing two of the wrapped packages before running off to go play on more equipment he shouldn’t be touching.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you… rob an ice cream truck?” Kaye asks slowly, her eyebrows pinched together.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. I own the ice cream truck! And I don’t even use it as a front for sopor slime anymore! So, here’s the ice cream! Eat it, because you all hate me, and I don’t like it!” Karkat doesn’t expect this to work, and is prepared to be embarrassed and then have to shamefully pick it all up, but Jane comes forward.ew</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks, Karkat!” She says. She stands by him, looking down at the pile of wrapped goods before bending down and picking up one cone and unwrapping it. Elliot follows, expressing his own gratitude, and then suddenly there’s a swarm around Karkat and the pile, crouching by it and pushing stuff around like kids going through Halloween candy. This is the most any of them have ever talked to him at once ever, even if only to just say thank you. Dave waits to be last, and picks up two- the only person not to take anything is Rose; Dave just smiles at Karkat before making his way over to his best friend, extending the ice cream as a silent offering of peace. Rose eyes it, but ultimately takes it. It’s a sandwich. Dave knows that Rose can’t resist ice creamy goodness.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They don’t talk as Dave begins to eat his popsicle, but the silence isn’t the tense silence that Dave was scared of getting used to.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m still mad at you.” Rose says. Dave’s heart sinks- he didn’t come here to start another fight. “But…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But?” Dave says hopefully.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But, I’ll get over it.” Rose sighs. “You love him. And he, evidently, loves you… so he can’t be as stupid as I think.” She takes a bite of her ice cream. “And the ice cream doesn’t hurt.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s pretty easy on the eyes, too, huh?” Dave adds.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rose narrows her eyes, but he’s still smiling. “Don’t push it.” Then she pauses. “I just have a question.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He really owns an ice cream truck?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh. Yeah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cool. Follow up question. As your best friend, this is my duty to ask.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hit me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you blow him in the ice cream truck?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dave’s eyes widen in shock and then he bursts out laughing, eternally grateful to have his friend back. This is how friends are supposed to behave when you get a boyfriend and fall in love, not hate you endlessly. “No... No, I didn’t.” Dave says, almost wistfully. He shrugs, then adds, as flippantly as possible, “But he definitely blew me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>___________</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Mayor is sitting next to Karkat with melted Fudgesicle all over his mouth and hands, contently licking his ice cream with a smile. Dave picked a Rocketpop, just like last time, and he was sitting in between Karkat’s legs and leaning on his chest, holding hands with the arm wrapped around his waist.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, thank you, thank you, Karkat!” the Mayor says excitedly, the sugar apparently already kicking in. This was followed by a round of ‘thank you’s, some much more energetic than the rest, yet all of them made Karkat feel warm and happy inside, like he finally belonged to somewhere. He looks at Dave. To someone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was wanted, and not for cheap drugs or a first punch, but for ice cream, at least . It was better knowing that the only reason he was there was for his ice cream truck rather than it was thinking that he was only there out of moral obligation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jane sticks out her tongue at him, and he knows they’re friends.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Roxy tilts his (vanilla) cone towards him in a cheering motion, and he knows they’re friends.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Terezi, John, Kaye, and Elliot all motioned another ‘thanks’ at him, signalling the start of some new friendships.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kanaya nudged Rose, who gave him a reluctant smile. And he knows they’ll be friends… eventually. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He kisses Dave on the nose, aiming for the mouth and missing, who immediately complained about the sugar, and how he was all sticky now and didn’t even have a wet wipe to properly clean it. He elbows Karkat in the ribcage before he could even think about saying “That’s what she said.” Karkat hears him laugh quietly anyway.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So,” Terezi said, interrupting the quiet that had fallen once everyone opened their ice creams. “Now that everyone is here and quiet,” She throws a pointed, joking glance at the Mayor, who giggles. “I should probably mention that I got us another gig, and it’s a pretty good one.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where?” John asks from above (or more accurately, around) her. “Bangor? Hampden?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shakes her head. “Augusta.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>That was the biggest city in Maine, and Dave's told Karkat before about just how impossible it was to book there. It was a little over seventy miles away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dave looks over at Karkat immediately. “Can Karkat come?” He asked quickly, as though he didn’t have the time to think about it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kanaya did. She thought about it and thought about it, leaving everyone in a much fuller silence before turning to Rose. “What do you think, dove?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rose thought too, but just for a fraction of the time it had taken Kanaya. “Only if he brings the ice cream truck.” She decides.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Karkat grins wider than the rest of the circus has ever seen. “Deal.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Epilogue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>thanks for reading!! :D</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Karkat is finishing setting up the menu on the platform at the bottom of the ice cream truck window- it’s a little small, so someone couldn’t read it unless they were first or second in line, but there was a larger version hanging outside on the front of it. The truck itself has the words “The Losers’ Ice Cream” painted on it in neat gold lettering by Kaye. Karkat had spent an hour staring at it, ecstatic on how it made him feel like a real business owner. That, added with the fact that he got a proper license to drive a truck, and to sell ice cream from it, and he was basically the CEO of his own company.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe he was getting ahead of himself. He wears jeans, not a suit, and the closest he is to having a note-taking secretary is when the Mayor lays on the floor of the truck with markers and paper to draw pictures of superheroes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Just as Karkat smiles at his perfect display, a head pops by the window and peers in. It’s Rose, who rests her chin on the ledge and looks up to Karkat, her face shaded by the vehicle but the rest of her body still standing in sunlight. “Hurry up, dickwad. Dave’s waiting inside. We told you we were doing this today!” Rose disappears to the right, and then suddenly the back doors of the truck are opened, allowing the light of the sun to spill in except for the area where Rose casts her shadow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Karkat laughs. “Yeah, yeah. Calm your bulge, I’m coming!”- and flips Rose off, who looks at him with a disapproving look before stepping back and beginning to walk, fully expecting Karkat to follow his. Karkat pulls the window cover down and locks it and then hops down out of the truck, making sure to lock the doors of that, too. Rose is waiting, cross-armed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What took you so long?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was going down on your mom.” Karkat retaliates, throwing his arm around Rose’s shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want to think about my mother like that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, but Rose, I do.” He wiggles his eyebrows as Rose lets out a guffaw, shoving Karkat away with her opposite arm with his smile still gleaming on his face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Remind me why you’re still here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because I’m the light of your life.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rose is going to say something, most likely, but Kanaya comes up next to her. Over the past year, the two haven’t changed much-Rose now keeps her hair slightly longer so his curls are more pronounced, and the light from the sun made her hair a shade lighter. A year of continuous exercise also kept her fit, and it did the same for Kanaya. Kanaya is taller now, which is the most notable change, if only by an inch. One would think she’d stop growing, but the troll is like a giant- at this rate, Karkat thinks she could be ringmaster and an act for ‘The World’s Longest and Lankiest Rainbow Drinker’. He brought this up to Kanaya once, but Kanaya just called him a dickwad. She and Rose have that in common.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you torturing Rose?” Kanaya asks, looping her arm around Rose’s protectively. Her voice is that of a disapproving mother who is lecturing their child for teasing a sibling.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Karkat brings his hand to his chest and feigns distress. “I’d never!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Go over to Dave. He’s waiting for you.” Rose sighs before Kanaya tugs her away and off somewhere.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Karkat scans the room. The first thing he sees is John and Terezi together, John’s arm around Terezi’s shoulder as he lays against him. Despite the dull roar of the circus chatter, John is reading a book out loud to her, his lips moving, creating sounds that Terezi listens to with fondness. Her finger traces a line up and down his arm repeatedly, but it looks absent minded, as all her focus seems to be on John’s face. He keeps looking and sees the group of Jane, Roxy, Kaye, and Elliot, who are all sitting together. Elliot and Roxy seem to be lost in a conversation about something Karkat can’t hear, and both of Elliot’s hands are held out next to him as Jane and Kaye paint his nails. His right hand, with Jane, is being coated in red as his other hand is given an eccentric neon green. Karkat wonders if Elliot will keep it and deduces that he probably will. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Karkat’s eyes finally land on Dave, he’s in his natural habitat: on stage, grinning. Karkat returns the smile as he hops up on stage and walks over to Dave, wrapping his arms around him and immediately pulling him into a kiss. It’s nothing heated, but when they pull back, Karkat chases it with a few more smooches to Dave’s cheeks before fully letting go.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t think the kissing will distract me.” Dave says, narrowing his eyes. “You’re late to class. You made your classmate wait. And on the first day, no less!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Karkat looks to his left and down, his eyes landing on the Mayor, who is looking up to him. “You missed warmups, slowpoke.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Slowpoke?” Karkat asks. “I’m not seventy!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m glad one person is taking these lessons seriously.” Dave teases, raising his eyebrows. Since the Mayor wouldn’t stop begging for lessons as soon as Jane put the idea in his head, Dave had decided it was only time for him to learn how to do the silks- and Karkat, too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah? If this is so serious, what’s the class name then, huh? Aerial silks, and other ways to fall?” Karkat teases back, crinkling his nose. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” Dave says softly, stepping closer to Karkat. He grabs his hand in both of his, staring into his eyes- he likes how Karkat looks at him, like he’s the only person in the entire world; he constantly looks lovesick, and Dave knows he looks the same way. He brings Karkat’s hand up to his lips and kisses it before allowing him to have it back. Kissing him became so natural, now, that he almost doesn’t believe that they once had been too scared to be seen together, too scared to tell the other how they feel. Terrifying and unmanageable, the real world once felt like no place for Dave, with no real future or purpose- but now, though he can’t know what each day brings, he knows that he’ll be with Karkat and the rest of his family. And that’s all that matters. A large, dopey, love-struck smile spreads across his face before he speaks again. “To fall in love.”</span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hello!!<br/>i want to note a few things before continuing!<br/>1- this is adapted from another fandom. if the characters don't feel exactly right, it's because it's based off of IT and those characters. i did my best to make it fit, but some things you can't work around because it's interwoven too much into the plot. (for example, karkat, sollux, and jane now smoke cigarettes.)<br/>2- implied above, @jjjjuicy and i already wrote this. which means it is finished, so this work won't be abandoned halfway through.<br/>3- there will be six chapters, the seventh is an epilogue that's only a few paragraphs long.<br/>4- updates will be every wednesday<br/>5- niiix/ i have a couple of oneshots posted and i have a full length fic planned and in the works<br/>6- as mentioned, this was originally written for another fandom. when i converted it, i might have messed up! please let me know if there are any typos (the main ones would probably be, like, incorrct pronouns)<br/>and i think that's it! thanks for reading :)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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